As Professional Matchmakers, we at Executive Search Dating are often asked: ‘How important are looks in finding someone special?’ The answer is that how someone looks is an important criteria, particularly in initial attraction, but it is not the only or even most important criteria when it comes to long term compatibility.
In fact, matchmakers often say that one must be cautious when meeting someone with whom you have extremely strong physical chemistry, as this may blind you to the fact that you may not have anything else in common. And physical chemistry, no matter how strong it is initially, can fade over time if there is nothing else to connect you.
An ideal match is someone with whom you have some initial ‘chemistry’ (even a little is okay), but also some other important things in common (personality, education, views on family, travel, etc., etc.). This can lead to chemistry that can be sustained or even increase over time; which can be the foundation for a solid relationship.
The Dating world is chock full of truths, half truths, supposed truths, and non-truths… here are a few of the most important dating FACTS and MYTHS:
- Dating MYTH #1: You must feel immediate chemistry with someone and must know by the end of the first date whether you are ‘meant to be together’!
- Dating FACT #1: Second or third dates are a much better time to establish whether you have true chemistry AND compatibility with someone.
- Dating MYTH #2: Chemistry is purely physical and based solely on someones physical looks.
- Dating FACT #2: Although physical appearance is an important component of initial chemistry, other factors such as personality, sense of humour and intelligence also play a role in creating chemistry… in fact, these latter elements are even more important in establishing long term chemistry.
- Dating MYTH #3: If you find someone physically attractive then the chemistry will always be there.
- Dating FACT #3: If you connect with someone purely based on physical attraction, the chemistry you initially feel can wear off over time unless you have other things which connect you. Ideally you need to have physical attraction TOGETHER with other areas of compatibility to create long lasting chemistry, or even chemistry which can INCREASE over time.
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First dates are an important part of the dating process which, when done successfully, can help you identify a compatible relationship partner. Here are some tips on what to say, and not say, on a first date:
Top 3 Best First Date Conversation Topics:
- Where are you from?: a classic ‘ice breaker’ question that is sure to get things off to a positive start and lead to other interesting conversational topics.
- What was the most fun thing you did this past winter?: keeping your questions and the conversation positive is an important element of a first date.
- Tell an interesting travel story: talk about a fun trip that you have done recently, and ask your date partner about their favorite travel story.
Top 3 Worst First Date Conversation Topics:
- Past relationships: avoid delving into past relationships… there will be plenty of time for this at a later stage when you both know each other much better than on a first date.
- Why are you still single?: this is an awkward question that may put your date on the defensive… keep it positive.
- Are you interested in marriage/kids?: again, there will be plenty of time to discuss this in the future once you have connected, but not on a first date.