Monthly Archives: January 2015

How To Date Like A Matchmaker

Dating can feel awkward, even strange at times. What do I say, how should I act, how did I get here?

But imagine if you were a ‘dating expert’ and knew exactly how to date successfully and meet not one by many potential relationship partners?

Follow these simple rules and watch your single life soar:

  1. Be the person you’ve been waiting for:  remember your ‘dream date’, the person who rocked your world. Be that person. Don’t just show up, resolve to make the date special – not just for you, but for the other person too. Be engaged, be positive, be high energy – make it a date they’ll remember, and it may well end up being a date you won’t forget.
  2. Screen for friendship, not looks:  its natural on a first date to focus mostly on how someone looks. Here’s the problem with that: in terms of a successful relationship match, looks are less important than personality and other less ‘superficial’ qualities. Keep your focus on the ‘inner qualities’ of the person you’re with, and focus less on whether there’s immediate ‘physical chemistry’. If you connect on other levels, you may discover a chemistry that grows over time, which is the most powerful chemistry of all.
  3. Share, care and be self-aware:  to make a true connection, it’s important to be truly engaged on a date. Talking about favorite movies and funny travel stories is always a good start, but aim to talk about some topics of deeper, shared meaning – particularly if you’re on a 2nd or 3rd date with someone. Be sensitive to their needs, and show you care with thoughtful gestures and words when the time is right.
  4. Its not about you:  by focusing more on the people you are with than your own immediate needs, you’ll create a ‘virtuous cycle’ of dating success – one successful date will lead to another, building your own self esteem while making others feel good about themselves. Being relationship-minded from the start will lead you to a relationship in the end.

4 Things That Ruin Relationships

Matchmakers will tell you this about successful relationships: communication means more than immediate chemistry. Ideally, you want both, but finding someone with whom you can communicate openly with SIGNIFICANTLY increases the chances of a successful match.

And, above all else, AVOID these four “relationship killing” communication traits (Source: John Gottman, PH.D.):

  1. Criticism:  complaints are fine. Criticism is more global — it attacks the person, not their behavior. They didn’t take out the garbage, not because they forgot, but because they’re a bad person.
  2. Contempt:  “…name-calling, eye-rolling, sneering, mockery, and hostile humor. In whatever form, contempt – the worst of the four horsemen – is poisonous to a relationship because it conveys disgust. It’s virtually impossible to resolve a problem when your partner is getting the message that you’re disgusted with him or her.”
  3. Defensiveness:  “…defensiveness is really a way of blaming your partner. You’re saying, in effect, ‘The problem isn’t me, it’s you.’ Defensiveness just escalates the conflict, which is why it’s so deadly.”
  4. Stonewalling:  tuning out. Disengaging. This doesn’t just remove the person from the conflict, it ends up removing them, emotionally, from the relationship.

7 Habits Of Highly Successful Singles

How can you have success in dating, and meet your special someone? It’s a question that’s stumped singles for years, in Vancouver and elsewhere.

Surprisingly, the answer is not complicated. It starts with adopting the right ‘dating habits’, habits that successful singles have used for years to find lasting relationships.

Based on our 10+ years of professional matchmaking experience in Vancouver, here are the 7 habits of highly successful singles:

1.      Open-Minded & non-judgemental:

a.      Don’t judge someone based on physical characteristics.

b.      Sees the inner qualities of someone.

c.      Open to meeting new people.

 

2.      Positive & don’t take things personally:

a.      Warm, friendly, gregarious & light hearted approach.

b.      Positive view on life & happy with themselves.

c.      Focus on positive topics (ie. hobbies, interests, etc.).

d.      Avoid negative topics (ie. ex-relationships, life issues, their dating service experience, etc.).

e.      Don’t take it personally, even when a date doesn’t go well.

 

3.      Interested & interesting:

a.      Genuinely interested in other people.

b.      Are good listeners.

c.      Are interesting people with interests outside of work and dating.

d.      Can discuss a wide range of topics.

 

4.      Good communicators:

a.      Are caring, respectful, thoughtful and understanding.

b.      High energy & passionate about life.

 

5.      Patient & Persistent:

a.      Stick with it & don’t lose hope even when things aren’t going well.

b.      Take breaks from dating when needed.

 

6.      Reflect on what is and isn’t working:

a.      Are self aware and thoughtful about their dating approach.

b.      Carefully consider which dating methods or matchmaking services are best for them.

 

7.      Relationship minded:

a.      Are serious about finding someone – relationship ready.

b.      Approach their dates with a ‘2nd date mindset’.