If you’ve been dating for a while, it can be hard. Particularly if you’re not having success, or not meeting the right type of people. And once your dating life goes sideways, it can be hard to get it back on track.
But the truth is that dating success is not only possible, but VERY achievable. The key is: don’t lose hope! Instead, follow these 5 simple steps to dating success:
Be open-minded: the truth is, your perfect match may not look or sound anything like you dreamed they would. On the other hand, you might meet someone who does and there’s no chemistry. Be open to meeting different types of people, and you might be surprised how rewarding dating can be.
Not just a numbers game: in today’s world of online dating and dating apps, it can be tempting to simply try and meet as many people as possible, in the hope that one of your dates will be the right person. In reality, you’ll likely just end up burned out from dating and not be in the right head space when you do meet the right person. Put down your computer and smart phone and try some other dating methods.
Make it count: it’s easy to fall into the trap of not taking your dates seriously, especially if you’ve not had dating success. Here’s a better strategy: treat each & every date as though you’re excited to meet them – when people feel appreciated, it brings out the best in them, and you too.
Follow-up: as Matchmakers, nothing makes us more sad than hearing about couples who really liked each other on their first date, but never connected again for one reason or another (too busy, didn’t call, etc.). Commit to not letting this happen to you: if things are going well on your first date, make plans right there and then to see each other again… you’ll never have a better chance!
Be proactive: by all means try the dating method that suits you best (meeting through friends, going out, online dating apps, etc.). But if those aren’t working, be open to trying some new methods – success often comes to those who embrace change & don’t get stuck in the past. If you’re looking for a more personalized dating approach, consider trying a personalized matchmaking service such as Executive Search Dating – you have nothing to lose but your single life!
Matchmakers will tell you this about successful relationships: communication means more than immediate physical chemistry. Ideally, you want both, but finding someone with whom you can communicate openly with SIGNIFICANTLY increases the chances of a successful match.
But, above all else, AVOID these four “relationship killing” communication traits (Source: John Gottman, PH.D.):
Criticism: complaints are fine. Criticism is more global — it attacks the person, not their behavior. They didn’t take out the garbage, not because they forgot, but because they’re a bad person.
Contempt: “…name-calling, eye-rolling, sneering, mockery, and hostile humor. In whatever form, contempt – the worst of the four horsemen – is poisonous to a relationship because it conveys disgust. It’s virtually impossible to resolve a problem when your partner is getting the message that you’re disgusted with him or her.”
Defensiveness: “…defensiveness is really a way of blaming your partner. You’re saying, in effect, ‘The problem isn’t me, it’s you.’ Defensiveness just escalates the conflict, which is why it’s so deadly.”
Stonewalling: tuning out. Disengaging. This doesn’t just remove the person from the conflict, it ends up removing them, emotionally, from the relationship.
If you’re not getting the results you want from dating, it can be easy to think there’s something wrong with you. Maybe you’re just not ‘relationship-potential’?
But what does that even mean? No-one’s perfect, and you’d be surprised how ‘imperfect’ many successful relationships are on the inside.
A first step in finding your relationship, is to recognize the true relationship potential inside you. Here’s how:
It matters: the fact that you’re stressing about your own relationship-potential, means that a relationship is important to you. Above all else, being ‘relationship-minded’ will eventually lead you to someone who feels the same way.
Self-awareness: having the ability (and willingness) to look critically at yourself and your habits, and be willing to change when required, is an important part of establishing a long term relationship. No-one’s perfect – including you and your potential relationship partner.
Dating is trying: yes dating burnout is real, and should be avoided at all cost. But there’s something even worse than dating burnout: not dating at all. If you think your chances of meeting someone aren’t great now, imagine how they’ll be if you’re not making the effort to meet anyone new?
People matter: even if your dating life is not going great at the moment, there’s likely people (or even one person) in your life that matters a lot to you – family, close friends, work acquaintances, etc. Imagine your life without these people in it? So, in reality, you are good at relationships.
You care: think of the thing or things you care about in your life (friends, family, pet, activities, travel, socializing, etc.). It doesn’t have to be a long list, but it should be things that make you feel happy. When you’re on a date with someone new, think or even talk about some of these things… it’ll show you care, which will greatly increase the chances of your date caring about you.
Embrace your (and their) imperfections: it’s unlikely you’ll meet someone perfect, even if you were perfect yourself. More likely: you’ll meet someone who’s also imperfect, maybe in some of the same ways (ie. maybe they think they’re not ‘relationship-potential’ too). Chemistry and connection work in mysterious ways.
What should you do for Valentine’s Day? Well, it depends: are you in a relationship, or still single?
As Paddi Rice (President – Executive Search Dating) explained this week on the Jim Harrison radio show, Valentine’s Day is not just for couples anymore – it’s become a surprisingly good time to meet someone new in Vancouver!
Valentine’s Day is supposed to be a day of romance – but it can a stressful day of the year if you don’t have someone special in your life. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
With that in mind, here’s Executive Search Dating’s timely list of Valentine’s Day dating do’s & don’ts to help you survive (and even thrive) on Cupids big day!:
• Do: get creative. Who says Valentine’s Day has to be an over-priced dinner at a fancy restaurant? Try ice skating at Robson Square, or snowshoeing on a local mountain. • Don’t: get stressed about it. If you are single and dateless on Valentine’s Day, don’t sweat it. The end of Valentine’s Day heralds the beginning of spring, THE best time of the year to meet someone new!
• Do: pick another night. Avoid the emotional and physical stress of making dinner reservations on Valentine’s eve. Choose another night and make it your own personal Valentine’s Day! • Don’t: ignore it completely. Yes, Valentine’s Day is the classic ‘Hallmark Holiday’, but if there’s someone special in your life do show you care with a simple gift, thought or kind act.
• Do: keep it classic. Flowers, chocolates, and a nice handwritten card or note to your loved one are time-tested Valentine’s Day winners. • Don’t: break the bank. Whether you’re dating or in a relationship, there’s no need to break the bank with an overly expensive gift. Keep it simple – when gifting, meaning means more than money.
• Do: seize the opportunity. If there’s someone you’re interested in romantically it can be an opportune time to ask them out for lunch or a casual drink. Many singles dread being alone on Valentine’s Day so you just might get a ‘yes’. • Don’t: force it. If there’s no-one special in your life at the moment, avoid doing or saying something on Valentine’s Day that you wouldn’t say on any other day, like ‘I do’!
With Valentine’s Day approaching, are you giving off the right signals when trying to attract a potential date? Executive Search Dating President Paddi Rice tells Jody Vance on Breakfast TV that your body language is just as important as your flirting attempts.
Tips include how women can attract a man in 2 seconds or less, and the most powerful approach line in the English language!
How & Why ESD Works
ESD President Paddi Rice explains how their service achieves such a high success rate for their clients, and why ESD is Vancouver’s #1 personalized matchmaking service.
How We Headhunt
ESD matches you with our large database of local single professionals AND with headhunts who we proactively find and carefully screen just for you.