Monthly Archives: July 2016

The 3 Essential Elements Of Unshakable Dating Confidence

Dating is a confidence game. If you’re confident, you’ll likely have success. If not, you likely won’t.

This may seem unfair, but it doesn’t have to ruin your chances of finding your special someone. In fact, a small change in your dating approach may dramatically INCREASE your chances of finding a relationship.

Here’s 3 ways to increase your dating confidence, and your dating success:

  1. Focus on what you can control:  unfortunately, you can’t always control whether someone is going to be attracted to you. But you can control your actions. Focus on the things you can do to make your date successful – it may not always lead to long term relationship happiness, but it will likely lead to a 2nd or 3rd date, and that’s a very good start.
  2. Laugh (at yourself):  unlike your job,  you can’t achieve dating success simply by putting in more hours or effort doing it. That leads to dating frustration and, ultimately, dating burnout. Take a light, easy going approach to your dates – try looking at a date as simply a chance to meet someone interesting and new (not the potential beginning of a life changing relationship). This approach will relax you, make you a better date, and relax your date too – which will increase the chances of a love connection.
  3. Focus on the steps, not just the finish line:  if you’ve been single for a while, it can be frustrating – particularly if you’re at that point where you’re truly ready for a relationship. Stop worrying about the end goal so much, and focus on moving in the right direction. If you’re not meeting anyone at all, try some new methods (online dating apps, a professional matchmaking service, going out with some single friends, etc.). If you’re going on lots of dates but very few 2nd and 3rd dates, sharpen your dating approach (see points 1 & 2 above), and target going on LESS first dates but MORE 2nd dates, etc.  As the ancient proverb says: “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

8 Warning Signs Of A Date Gone Horribly Wrong

Have you ever been on a date where things went wrong, but you couldn’t figure out why? Or a date where you thought things went great, but when you called your date the next day they told you they weren’t interested in seeing you again?

Well it happens. Sometimes chemistry happens for one person but not the other. But sometimes, just sometimes, there are warning signs. Learn how to read these 8 warning signs, and you may just turn a bad date into a good date, and on to a second date and beyond:

  1. Re-scheduling:  in life, particularly for a busy person, things sometime come up last minute, forcing you to re-schedule. But if your date is constantly changing plans last minute, it may be a sign that they’re not really that interested.
  2. Late, not great:  if your date shows up late without a good excuse, it’s a sign that they’re probably not that into it.
  3. Disengaged:  if your date is not really engaging in conversation, or simply seems to be distant – it’s likely that they are just not into you.
  4. Distracted:  when your date is spending more time chatting to the wait staff, or worse yet checking them out, it sends a message that they’re more interested in the wait staff than they are in you.
  5. Not listening:  if your date keeps talking over you, or clearly isn’t listening to what you’re saying, it shows they’re not really interested in you.
  6. No questions:  if your date is happy to talk about themselves, but doesn’t ask you even one question about yourself, it shows an overall lack of interest.
  7. Yawning:  a yawn is nature’s way of showing that someone is bored.
  8. Arguing:  if you find yourself in heated arguments with your date, particularly on a first or second date, it’s pretty much a given that things aren’t going well.

5 Questions You Should Be Able To Answer About Your Relationship Goals

In love and in life, you’ll get better results if you have a plan. No you can’t just make the perfect person appear in your life – but you can be truly ready once they do.

The key to being open & ready to meet your special someone is to understand exactly what you want in a relationship and why.

Here’s 5 questions to help you find your special someone:

  1. Are you ready to spend your life with one person?:  part of being ready to meet someone special, is being ready to commit to one person. Relationship minded singles want the same in a partner – if you’re not there yet, consider a change of attitude.
  2. What does happiness look like?:  not everyone wants the same thing from a relationship – some want marriage and a family right away, others may already have kids, others may be open to having kids or not, etc., etc.  Understanding what your ideal relationship looks like is a good place to start – but be open to some flexibility if/when you meet someone great who doesn’t necessarily fit all your ideal criteria.
  3. What are your life goals?:  thinking through what you really want from life can help you zero in on the right person once you’ve connected. Once you get beyond the first few dates with someone new, having some shared goals in life is an important aspect of finding your special someone.
  4. What are your ‘must haves’?:  are there some things that you just can’t compromise on when it comes to a relationship partner? Is having kids a must? Or not having kids? Or meeting someone with a similar background? Keep this list as short as possible, as you’d be surprised how many successful relationships are created between people who don’t necessarily have ‘all the boxes ticked’!
  5. What are your ‘deal breakers’?:  similar to point #4, are there some qualities that you’re  simply not willing to bend on – someone who smokes, someone who already has kids (or doesn’t have kids),  someone who doesn’t share your relationships goals (ie. they want something casual and you don’t, etc.).

6 Quick and Easy Steps to Connect With Anyone On A Date

Have you ever felt stressed out before a date? Wondering what to say & whether your date is going to like you (and vice versa)?

Well it happens. Dating can sometimes feel like going to an interview – but it shouldn’t. In fact, if it does your chances of dating success are slim.

So what’s the secret to a successful date? Just follow these 6 quick and easy steps and you’ll find yourself on a second or third date before you know it (Source: J. Burgess):

1. Smile:  the simple act of smiling cues the brain to release the feel-good neurotransmitters dopamine, endorphins and serotonin. Smiling not only has the power to make you feel better, but also to make others feel better, too.

2. Make eye contact:  the eyes have long been said to be “the gateway to our soul.” According to Dr. Carol Kinsey Gorman, eye contact produces a powerful, subconscious sense of connection. The depth of the connection can be correlated to the amount of eye contact. By looking into the person’s eyes, you are showing this person that you are interested in her. Don’t miss this important part of creating a connection.

3. Ask a question:  asking people a question accomplishes two goals. The first is that it gives the person answering the question the ability to talk about his favorite subject, himself. We are all innately built with a desire to talk about ourselves. By asking a question, we give him the ability to fulfill this desire. Secondly, asking a question gives us the ability to listen and find common ground where we can connect. If he has children, we can ask how old his children are and connect through parenthood. Whatever it may be, find common ground and the connection will happen.

4. Synchronize to build rapport:  in his New York Times Bestseller, How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less, Nicholas Boothman says rapport can be built by design. Mirroring or synchronizing is done by modeling the person you wish to build rapport with. “Those that are in rapport are synchronized almost like dancers: one picks up a cup, the other follows; one leans back, the other does the same; one talks softly, the other talks softly,” Boothman says. Synchronizing or mirroring the traits of others will give you the ability to build rapport quickly.

5. Compliment:  find something to compliment them on as soon as possible. This may be something as simple as the way they are dressed, the company they work for, or an answer to a question you ask. We all love to be complimented. When you compliment them, it brings down walls and opens them up to you.

6. Follow up:  first dates are great, but true relationships are built over time. If the first date has gone well (or even just okay), suggest a second date right there and then. First dates may be where you determine if there’s a ‘spark’, but second and third dates are where you determine whether there’s true relationship potential. Unless the first date was a complete disaster, always plan to see someone a second or third time. Even if they’re not right for you, they may know someone who is!