Monthly Archives: April 2017

The Scientifically Proven Way To Flirt Better

You were designed to flirt. Many, many, many years ago by nature. Why? Because without flirting, there’s no romance. And without romance, there’s no love, relationships or families.

But how do you activate your powerful, on-board flirting system? And how do you even know if it (still) works?

It’s as easy as 1-2-3, and it goes like this:

  1. The eyes have it:  eye contact is the first and most essential starting point for flirting. Make and hold eye contact with someone you’re interested in, for even just a few seconds, and you’ll send your message loud & clear.
  2. Body language speaks louder than words:  your body language accounts for more than 50% of your flirting power – more than words, or even speaking. When you’re out socially (or anywhere really), be conscious of your body posture – avoid slouching, frowning or generally looking tired & disinterested. You might blow your chances before you even say ‘hi’.
  3. Be proactive & friendly:  all the flirting in the world is great, but if you don’t commit to making the first move it’ll likely all be for nothing. Once you’ve made eye contact with someone interesting, go up and say ‘hi’.  Ditch the cheesy approach lines: simply introduce yourself, ask how their evenings going or even offer a sincere compliment. Flirting can open the door, but you’re going to have to walk through it yourself.

How To Pull Yourself Out Of A Dating Funk

Sometimes in life, things don’t always go the way you want them to. That includes your love life.

This isn’t necessarily a bad thing – in fact, one step towards finding your relationship is learning about what you don’t want – and learning that being single & alone isn’t all its cracked up to be. Particularly as you get further and further beyond your peak dating years (ie. your 20’s).

So what can you do when you find yourself with a bad case of the dating blues? It’s easy, and you can start today:

  1. Low hanging fruit:  before you get to meeting your perfect person, start by spending quality time with people in your life who you know & like – family, friends, work colleagues, etc.  Consider it a warm up to your spectacular future dating life. Hint: don’t spend that time bitching about your dating life.
  2. Move it:  its easy to forget sometimes that our bodies (and minds) were designed to move around, not sit still. Its spring: get outside, get active, get healthy, grab a coffee and hit the seawall with a friend.  In addition to feeling better about yourself, who knows, you may even run into someone interesting along the way.
  3. More face time, less screen time:  its easy to become attached to our phones and computers these days, but messaging someone on social media is no substitute for meeting people face to face. Let the next text message you send someone be “its nice outside, let’s meet for a coffee/drink & go for a walk!”
  4. We’re all failures in life:  Okay, excuse the dramatic headline. But what this means is that NO successful person in life or relationships got there without failures along the way – in some cases catastrophic failures. Spending all day on social media can leave you with the mistaken impression that everyone’s life is perfect (except yours). Wrong! The truth is that feeling blue is part of the deal. You can’t control that, nor should you. Forget the past, and don’t stress about the future – do something today that makes you feel good (preferably outdoors and/or with someone you enjoy). A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

2 Phrases That Might Be Ruining Chemistry On Your Dates

If you think you know what makes chemistry happen on a date, you’re probably wrong. But what’s easier to spot is when chemistry dies.

In spite of what you’ve heard, chemistry isn’t just physical attraction (although that’s important), its also about personality, conversation, body language and energy.

Words can kill chemistry, so here’s two phrases to avoid at all cost on your next date:

  1. What are you looking for?:  it seems like a natural question to ask on a first or second date, right? In fact, its a great question to ask in an interview, but a lousy question to ask on a date. Asking someone this question takes them out of ‘romantic date mode’ and straight into ‘filling in the boxes date mode’. Save this question for (much) later. And besides, maybe they don’t really know what they’re looking for because they hadn’t met you yet?
  2. How’s your dating life going?:  asking someone about their dating experiences (including with online dating or dating services) immediately puts them in a no-win situation.  Do they say ‘it’s going great!’ or ‘it’s going terrible!’ – both answers lead to awkward conversations. And besides, maybe their dating life is about to get a whole lot better because they just met you!

6 Proven Ways To Get Over A Breakup

Breaking up sucks, let’s face it. But the success of your next (and hopefully life-long) relationship will depend on how you deal with the last one(s).

Just as every relationship is different, so too are the solutions for getting over one. There may not always be a ‘quick fix’, but there are some tips & tricks that the relationship professionals swear by. Here’s 6 of them (Source:Dr. Karen Weinstein and Dr. Michael Zentman):

1. Ditch the rose-colored glasses:  “Reflect on the relationship for what it was, likely it was neither all good nor all bad,” Dr.Weinstein suggests. “Resist the common tendency to idealize the relationship. It’s very common to only recall and focus on the wonderful aspects of the relationship. This makes it even harder to accept the reality that it’s over and is the equivalent of ‘denial’ in the stages of grief.”

One way to reflect would be to make a list of things you weren’t happy with in the relationship. By the end, you might realize that the separation was for the best.

2. Pick up your reading glasses:  Another tip from Dr. Weinstein, albeit slightly cheesy, is to hit up the self-help section. She recommends the books “It’s Called A Breakup Because It’s Broken: The Smart Girl’s Breakup Buddy” by Greg and Amiira Behrendt as well as “Don’t Call That Man!” (revised under the more contemporary title “Don’t Text That Man!”) by Rhonda Findling.

“The whole field of self help books does seem to assume that only women struggle with breakups, which is far from the reality,” she admitted. “Regardless, there are some thoughtful gems of advice and support in [these books].”

3. Talk it out:  “The best thing someone can do is talk about their feelings about the loss with close friends and other loved ones,” Dr. Zentman says. “Hearing yourself say how you’re feeling and having a witness can be very helpful.”

Grab drinks or dinner with a close friend who’s willing to listen for a while and see where the conversation leads you. You may even learn something about yourself.

“There will be much wisdom to gain if a person can be self-reflective and figure out what they contributed to the breakup,” Dr. Zentman adds.

4. Resist acting out:  “Identify all of your feelings especially the impulsive, darker, angrier ones, but try not to act on them,” Dr. Weinstein recommends. “Acting out can include behaviors ranging from excessive drinking, overeating, shopping, to obsessively texting your ex, online stalking of your ex, [or] promiscuous sex.”

And even though getting a break up haircut may sound healing, she says you should wait.

“Even making dramatic changes to your appearance like a radically new haircut or color or a getting a tattoo is not advised. There will be time for a fresh new look once you feel more stable,” Dr. Weinstein recommends.

5. Jot it all down (in private):  “Personal journaling can be helpful for some people,” Dr. Zentman says. “I say personal because going public with these feelings on social media can often inflame the situation. It may feel good to have a bunch of people publicly attack an ex, but, in the long run, this will not contribute to healing.”

So put down the smart phone and pick up a journal. It’ll be much better for your mental health in the end.

6. Take a good hard look in the mirror:  “Often, seeking the help of a professional can facilitate this process. [Use] the break up as an opportunity to learn about yourself, to reflect on choices in partners,” Dr. Weinstein says. And when you’re ready, don’t hesitate to hire some dating professionals to help you find someone new.