First impressions matter in life – and they matter even MORE in dating. But your good first impression will only get you so far.
What happens after that first impression is even more important – a few misplaced phrases can leave you back where you started (nowhere).
If you’re looking for a lasting connection, start by avoiding these 8 chemistry-killing phrases:
- ‘What’s your name again?’: you may not be great at remembering names, but here’s a clue: If you want a successful love life, start remembering peoples names. Practice saying it before your date, or even make a note of it if that doesn’t work.
- ‘Ummm’: have you ever seen a news anchor, or anyone on TV or radio say ‘Ummm’ a lot? Probably not. That’s because they know it’s irritating and drowns out your actual message. Try pausing, thinking and taking a breath before you answer.
- ‘I’m having a terrible day’: there’s at least an equal chance your date’s had a bad day too – the difference: they’re not talking about it (and probably don’t want to). Be positive – if you don’t feel positive, fake it!
- ‘My last relationship was a disaster’: talking about your last relationship might be cathartic for you, but its a sure-fire chemistry killer on a date. Save that type of talk for later (much later).
- ‘Hope you don’t mind that I was late’: there’s only one thing to say when you arrive late to a first or second date, and this is definitely not it! A better answer: ‘I’m really sorry I’m late!’ The right answer: don’t be late.
- ‘Do you believe in God?’: you may or may not have strong feelings about religion – in either case, don’t bring it up when you’ve just met someone. It will almost surely go wrong.
- ‘Do you want kids?’: someone may or may not want kids (eventually) – but the answer they’ll give you when you’ve just met them might be the opposite of the answer they’ll give you once they’ve fallen in love with you.
- ‘I…I…Me…Me’: aim to spend half your time talking and half your time listening on your date – talking about yourself the whole night sends the message that you’re full of yourself. Which sucks, because you’re probably not.
Do you ever feel like the dating odds are stacked against you?
Finding your perfect match seems so random – like a game of chance, or a pure numbers game. You’re awesome, so why is it so hard to find someone equally awesome?
The truth is you might be your own worst enemy – here’s 7 bad habits you need to change (and quick!) to get your love life back on track:
- Your routine won’t love you back: as you get older, you tend to fall into the same old routines – whether that be Netflix at home alone with your cat, or long walks in the park by yourself. Try inserting a few new routines, ones that involve contact with other people.
- Negative Nate/Nelly: it’s easy to become convinced that there’s no good single men (or women) left in Vancouver, and to fill your conversations with such negative talk. This is a classic self-fulfilling prophecy – focusing on the positive will get you far better results.
- The dating vicious cycle: if you’ve been dating for a while you can become frustrated, and start your dates off by venting about it. This will almost certainly ensure that this particular cycle will not only continue, but accelerate.
- Fear the known: its great to have a warm circle of friends & family, and this becomes increasingly important as you get older. But be sure you’re not spending all your time with people you know & love – make time to meet people you don’t yet know, but may grow to love.
- The waiting game: waiting for Mr. or Ms. Right to come walking into your living room is a sure-fire way to ensure your love life will be stuck in a rut. Be proactive, try some new dating methods – hire a matchmaker!
- (Don’t) Let it go: when you’re not happy in your personal life, its tempting to ‘let yourself go’ & not take care of yourself. Try the reverse approach – channel your dating frustration into a renewed focus on your health – you’ll be surprised the effect it will have on you & others.
- Be the person you want to meet: stop waiting for the right person to come to you and start being that person – take up some new activities, check out a new neighborhood or hot spot, get healthier: In love and in life, likes attract likes.
Have you ever thought to yourself “My dating life is going great!” then asked yourself: “But why am I still single?”
Sometimes, dating isn’t fair. You may feel like your dates are going fantastic, yet when you follow up for a second date – they’re not interested.
Self-awareness is key. Here’s 5 signs your dating approach isn’t working, and how to fix it – fast!
- Check please: if you find your dates ending before they really get started, its a sign you’re not making a connection. Try talking about something they’re interested in – if you’re not sure what that is, ask them!
- Boring: if you’re finding all your dates boring – maybe the problem isn’t them? Everyone’s boring when they’re not engaged – find something to trigger them into feeling a positive emotion: perhaps a sincere compliment or a personal story.
- Distracted dating: if you find your dates are often distracted and not really paying attention to you, it’s time to mix things up – ask an engagement question (a question that requires a response) or ask about a current hot topic, movies, music… anything that gets them focused on you and not their phone, or the waiter/waitress.
- One & done: if you’re not getting many 2nd or 3rd dates, it’s a sign you need to re-think your first date strategy. Come prepared & focused on getting your first date off to a great start, and don’t hesitate to ask for a 2nd date right then & there – you may never get a better chance.
- Missing chemistry: you can’t always control chemistry, but there’s a few things you can do to maximize the chances you’ll have it: make an effort to look your best on your date, put on some nice cologne/perfume, and be truly into the person you’re with. Everyone wants to be appreciated, and when someone feels that you care, they’re much more likely to give you a second chance even if they don’t feel immediate sparks.
So you’ve just met someone you REALLY like – but how can you leave a lasting impression on them, so they’ll want to see you again (and again)?
With the right words and actions, almost anyone can create a captivating presence.
Here’s 6 ways to be memorable when you’ve met someone new (Source: J. Reisenger; R. Riker):
- Put on your talking hat: on a date, silence is NOT golden. Lose your fear of sounding like a fool – tell some stories, ask some questions, talk about something that made you feel good today.
- Be blunt and completely honest: people remember extremes, not mediocrity. Don’t shy away from saying what’s on your mind – but be open to hearing the other person’s views, particularly if they disagree with you. Being open-minded is a very sexy quality.
- Be a little bit unusual: breaking out of the cultural norm is an easy way to stick out – but try and stick out in a positive way.
- Use confident body language: nothing will make you stand out more than confident body language – a firm handshake or hug, positive energy, good posture, great eye contact and a killer smile.
- Trigger emotions: to really stand out, you need to make the person you’re with feel something – preferably something good; make them laugh, compliment them, engage in a heated two-way conversation.
- Be an engaged listener: people will likely forget what you say, but they’ll always remember how you made them feel. Step 1 of making someone feel special is to listen to them – really listen. Active listening is a powerful aphrodisiac.