Matchmakers will tell you this about successful relationships: communication means more than immediate physical chemistry. Ideally, you want both, but finding someone with whom you can communicate openly with SIGNIFICANTLY increases the chances of a successful match.
But, above all else, AVOID these four “relationship killing” communication traits (Source: John Gottman, PH.D.):
- Criticism: complaints are fine. Criticism is more global — it attacks the person, not their behavior. They didn’t take out the garbage, not because they forgot, but because they’re a bad person.
- Contempt: “…name-calling, eye-rolling, sneering, mockery, and hostile humor. In whatever form, contempt – the worst of the four horsemen – is poisonous to a relationship because it conveys disgust. It’s virtually impossible to resolve a problem when your partner is getting the message that you’re disgusted with him or her.”
- Defensiveness: “…defensiveness is really a way of blaming your partner. You’re saying, in effect, ‘The problem isn’t me, it’s you.’ Defensiveness just escalates the conflict, which is why it’s so deadly.”
- Stonewalling: tuning out. Disengaging. This doesn’t just remove the person from the conflict, it ends up removing them, emotionally, from the relationship.
If you REALLY want to make a lasting impression on your date, do something special before you’re even asked.
No it doesn’t have to be dramatic or spectacular – it can even be something very simple – but timing is everything! The same gesture that falls flat at the end of the date, might have made a huge positive impact at the beginning of the date.
Here’s 5 things your date wants you to do without having to ask:
- Manners matter: if you’re looking for something serious, you want someone who knows how to act – and the same goes for your date too. Holding the chair, taking their coat, pouring them some water… sometimes is the simplest gestures that make the biggest impact.
- Listen: its easy to think that you need to do most of the talking on a date – particularly if you’re nervous. In fact, the reverse is true. Listen more than you talk, and try building on subjects that your date finds interesting. Pretty soon, they’ll find you interesting too.
- Be kind: being kind to your date is one thing (you need to do), but you can also ruin a date by being rude to others (taxi driver, wait staff, the couple sitting next to you). Being rude to others sends the message to your date that you may be rude to them in the future too.
- Stay away from toxic topics: if you’ve just met someone, you want to keep your date positive. Avoid talking politics, or past relationships or even work stress – good dates should feel like an oasis away from the troubles of the day.
- Be focused: don’t let your gaze drift away – it sends the message that you’re not really into the date and probably not true relationship material for them. Focus on your date, even if you don’t feel amazing chemistry… who knows, if you leave them with a positive impression they may know someone who’s a great fit for you!
In dating, you can be good or you can be lucky. Your best bet? Be both.
But you can’t just make luck happen in your love life, right? Actually, yes you can. Luck most often comes to those who put themselves out there – in the right way.
Here’s some simple ways to transform your dating life & make you lucky in love:
- Be the fisherman and the fish: being proactive is the single most important factor in dating success. Don’t sit back and expect good things to happen – get out of your comfort zone & try as many new dating methods as you can.
- Change your mindset: look at dating as just another way to meet new people outside of your normal friends circle – not a ‘search for a dream life-partner’. It’ll make you more relaxed on your dates and increase your chances of making a good first (and second) impression with someone new.
- Stay positive: dating luck happens when you’re busy enjoying yourself & meeting new people (see point #2 above). If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s okay to take some time off from dating – but Prince or Princess Charming is unlikely to find you when you’re alone on your sofa watching Netflix.
- Profiles (and photos) aren’t people: the first step in creating ‘dating luck’ and success is this – stop judging people by what’s on the outside, and start judging them by what’s on the inside. If you’ve been using online dating apps for a while, you’ve probably realized that photos don’t tell you if someone’s a good match for you. Put your smartphone down and start meeting people in person. You have nothing to lose but your single life.
- Make your own luck: if you’re too busy to date, or would rather meet matches that have been ‘pre-screened’ for you – hire a professional matchmaking service like Executive Search Dating. We’ll make dating easy so you can focus on meeting compatible matches. Give us a call today at 604-714-0221 and we’ll get you out meeting quality singles right away!