Make Valentine’s Day 2018 the starting point of a brand new you.
If you’re single, Valentine’s Day can be stressful. This year, instead of worrying about it, do something about it – and make this the last Valentine’s Day you’ll have to spend alone.
How you ask? By following these 6 signs:
- You are over your last relationship: you have moved on, moved out, finalized the divorce and gave yourself some time and space to self reflect, and learnt and grew from it. With a clean slate, and positive thoughts you are ready for a new beginning.
- You are happy with who you are: its a New Year and a fresh start, you know your goals, values and dreams for your future, such as, you have hobbies and interests that make life interesting outside of work, you have some vacations planned, and you feel confident and fulfilled in your own life. You want a relationship to share your love rather than to get love.
- You have a work/ life balance: your career is going well, you are financially stable, you are not constantly distracted, and you have space in your schedule should someone special come into your life that you have time to share in life with them.
- You are ready for love: when you want to take the time to get to know someone, you don’t judge them on the first date. You understand that people have many facets to their being and you want to explore getting to know those parts of them, many times love ripens over time like fruit on a tree.
- Put your best foot forward: like they say you only have one chance to make a first impression. If you are going on quality dates once or twice a month, make it special by looking your best.
- Having a positive attitude: around dating and finding love.
You’ve met someone new and you’re on a date, and things are going great. Then, all of a sudden, your date asks for the check and heads for the exit – never to be heard from again.
What happened you ask? Well, maybe your date lost interest because of something you said or did – even though you didn’t realize it at the time.
Sometimes, you say things that mean one thing to you – but send an entirely different message to the person you’re with. Here’s 5 chemistry-killing phrases you should avoid at all cost:
- “I’m so busy”: you may be busy, or you may just want your date to think you’re busy (or important) – but saying this phrase sends your date a clear message that you’re just not that into them – whether that’s what you actually mean or not.
- “Vancouverites are unfriendly”: it’s true, Vancouver has the reputation of being an unfriendly city – which may or may not be true. But what’s certainly true is that by telling your date this, they’ll think you’re referring to them as well. Insulting someone on a date (intentional or otherwise) may be the single greatest chemistry killer of all.
- “Umm…”: sometimes when you’re nervous, or just not being self-aware, you say ‘umm’ a lot. Whatever funny or intelligent things you may be saying, all your date likely hears is the ‘Umms’.
- “What are you looking for?”: asking someone you’ve just met what they’re looking for in a relationship partner kills chemistry on a few different levels – first, it turns your date into an interview (ie. not sexy at all); it also gives your date the impression that you’re not really into them. Assume what they’re looking for is you, then make them sure of it by the end of your date.
- “I’m still single because…”: you may be trying to explain what a great catch you really are, but this phrase sounds defensive – and also gives your date the impression that their being single means there’s something wrong with them too. Be a great date, and leave the distinct (unspoken) impression that you’re still single because you haven’t met them until today!
Sometimes, the solution to your lousy love life is staring right back at you in the mirror.
Dress for success on your date. No, looks aren’t everything, but first impressions matter – especially when you’re meeting someone for the first time.
Why should you care what you wear on a date? Here’s why, and what happens if you don’t:
- Your first impression may be your last: what you wear speaks volumes about you, whether you like it or not. Its far harder to overcome a bad first impression than it is to keep a good first impression going. Looking your best will increase the chances of a 2nd date; not doing so will likely eliminate it.
- How are you feeling?: one of the most powerful aphrodisiacs (for men and women) is meeting someone who’s confident & happy with who they are – and dressing up makes you feel that way. If you’re not used to dressing up – try it one time & see the effect it has on your date. Looking & feeling good is easy to get used to.
- Who cares?: how you dress sends another important message to your date – they matter to you. When you dress your best, you send an unspoken message to your date that you respect them & are serious about getting to know them. Dressing overly casually sends the reverse message. Which do you think is more likely to lead to a 2nd date?
- You are what you prepare for: dressing up for your date prepares you for a successful date. As you decide what to wear, you’ll naturally be thinking about your date – which will get you excited, and maybe even a little bit nervous. Showing up disheveled on a date will have you back home alone in no time at all.
- All in due time: you may prefer casual attire – and that’s fine. There’ll be plenty of time to dress casually with your special someone, but your first date together is not that time. Look at it this way: under-dressing on your dates will lead to LESS 2nd dates and MORE 1st dates (which you’ll eventually have to start dressing up for). Dressing your best will lead to many more dates with that one special person, where you can both dress however you like. Any questions?
Finding your special someone is exciting. But its only the first step. Making your relationship last is the real prize.
Contrary to popular belief, successful relationships don’t just “happen”. Yes, chemistry and shared life goals are important – but truly successful couples work at it.
Here’s 6 things you can do to turn your new found romance into a long term relationship:
- Excitement matters: what’s the real “relationship-killer”? Boredom. Spend less time reducing conflict – and more time experiencing thrills – and your relationship will prosper.
- Use your delusion: being a little deluded helps couples – overly idealistic relationship illusions at the start lead to greater satisfaction, love, and trust, and less conflict and ambivalence in both dating and marital relationships.
- 5 to 1: keep that ratio in mind. You need five good things for every bad thing in order to keep a happy relationship. A 2.9 to 1 ratio means you are headed for a divorce. You need a 5 to 1 ratio to predict a strong and loving marriage— five positive statements for every critical statement you make of your spouse.
- Be Conscientious: conscientiousness is the trait most associated with marital satisfaction. Findings suggest that conscientiousness is the trait most broadly associated with marital satisfaction in a sample of long-wed couples.
- Gratitude: gratitude can be a booster shot for a relationship – gratitude had uniquely predictive power in relationship promotion, perhaps acting as a booster shot for the relationship.
- Try: sounds silly but it’s true. Want a better relationship? Try. Sounds ridiculous but improving any relationship is as easy as actively showing interest in the other person or sharing with them.
Question: “What’s the single biggest factor that makes your date a success or failure?”
If you’ve been single & dating for a while it can feel like dating is a crap shoot – a pure numbers game, where the numbers (and time) aren’t on your side.
But the truth is you’re in charge – whether you realize it or not. Here’s 8 moments that can turn your string of bad dates into a lasting connection.
- The day before: you wouldn’t show up to an important business meeting without planning ahead would you? So why show up on a potentially life-changing event (ie. your date) unprepared? Think positively about your date, what you’re going to wear & what you’re going to talk about. Success in love – and in life – comes to those who are prepared.
- Before the date: plan your day so that you’re not rushing to your date or, worse yet, showing up late & stressed. Get there a bit early, get comfortable & relax – you’ll never get a 2nd chance to make a first impression.
- The introduction: start your date with a smile, an energetic ‘hello!’ and a warm greeting or embrace. Make your date feel special & that’s what they’ll likely soon become to you.
- The beginning: avoid starting off with anything too serious – tell them how nice it is to see them & chit chat about their/your day in a positive way. Find a way to make them smile – or better yet – laugh. It’s much easier to keep a good beginning going than it is to turn around a bad start.
- The ordering: you may not think your interactions with the bar or restaurant staff matter to your date, but they do. Treating the staff with kindness & respect will send a warm and alluring message to your date – arguing with the waiter will do the reverse.
- The middle: once you’ve talked and laughed casually for a while, ask some engagement questions about them – questions that require an easy response – be sure you’re listening as much (or more) as you’re talking. Avoid negative topics (work stress, past relationships, politics, etc.) & keep things light and positive.
- The end: no matter how well the date is going, your best bet is to keep the first date relatively light & casual and not overly long – leave them wanting more. Tell them you’ve enjoyed meeting them & would love to see them again – suggest a time and method for your follow up (text, call, email) and bid them a warm and friendly goodbye.
- The follow up: however you told them you’d follow up – do it. Send them a nice text or message the next day telling them how much you enjoyed your date, and suggesting a few ideas for your 2nd date. Being true to your word will increase your chances of a 2nd date and, more importantly, finding your special someone.