Sometimes, your promising date is over before it even begins.
Words matter – in dating & in life – particularly when you’ve only just met someone. Saying the wrong thing at the beginning of your date can ruin what just might have been a spectacular dating success story.
Don’t panic. But DO avoid saying these 5 things when you meet your date:
- “You look tired”: the only thing you should say to your date when you meet them is something nice – ideally, a sincere compliment. If you can’t find something positive to say about someone new, why are you dating?
- “I’ve had a crazy day”: maybe you have, but the start of the date is definitely not the time to say it. If you’re making an excuse because you’re late, then you just compounded your problem.
- “The staff here are terrible”: perhaps they are, but saying this at the start of a date sends a clear message that you’re not a friendly person. And who wants to be with someone grumpy?
- “I’ve got to keep this short”: unless you’re scheduled for open-heart surgery in the next hour, avoid starting a date by telling them you’ve got other plans. Maybe you do, but the message you’re sending is that you’re not serious. After 20 or 30 minutes of good, positive & fun interaction, mention to your date that you’ve got to meet some friends later on, but would love to see them again. Then, do it!
- “Traffic/parking/the weather/etc. is terrible”: it can feel natural to grouse about a number of things when you first meet someone – but here’s the problem with that – they don’t really know you yet. So they don’t yet know that you’re a fun, positive person just trying to make light conversation. Keep it positive – especially at the start of a date. If you’re just not feeling positive – fake it!
Do you feel physical chemistry is important in a romantic relationship?
If you’re like most people, you’d answer: “Yes”, or even “Absolutely!!”.
And its true, chemistry is important – particularly when you’ve just met someone new. But what if I told you there’s such a thing as TOO MUCH chemistry?
Well it’s true. Here’s 5 reasons why:
- Blinded by the light: professional matchmakers will tell you this – be wary when you meet someone for the first time and you’re EXTREMELY attracted to them. It may blind you to the fact that you’re not actually that compatible.
- Chemistry fading: no matter how strong your initial attraction to someone is, it can fade over time if you don’t have other, important things you share.
- Chemistry growing: on the other hand, when you have even just a little chemistry with someone initially, it can grow over time as you discover other things you like about each other. Its this type of chemistry that can even last a lifetime.
- In it for the long haul: if you’re dating casually or using dating apps, or just not really looking for anything too serious, then its natural to be more focused on initial attraction (why do you think dating apps only show you photos of matches, without a lot of other details?). But if you’re looking for a serious relationship, don’t base your decision purely on physical chemistry – its not the most important predictor of long term relationship success.
- Change your dating default setting: when on a first date, instead of thinking “I’ll only see them again if I’m completely blown away by their looks”, try this instead: “Unless I’m absolutely sure there’s no potential of future chemistry, I’ll plan on seeing them a 2nd or 3rd time to get to know the real person before deciding if they’re right for me.” Your future relationship will thank you for it.
Do you want the perfect formula to make your relationship last forever? Sadly, it doesn’t exist.
But here’s the good news: there ARE signs! Important traits that all successful couples share. If your relationship has them, consider it a strong beacon of happiness ahead.
Here’s 4 signs your relationship is built to last:
- The trust factor: in a relationship, trust is everything. If you feel comfortable and confident that your partner won’t do things to hurt you and is not going to cheat on you, then you may have a winning team.
- You support each other: the world can be a scary place, and one of the best parts about having a partner is having someone on your side when the going gets tough. If you feel like your partner believes in your dreams and is there to listen when you need to talk something out, that’s a big part of a long-lasting relationship.
- You hold each other accountable: partnerships mean being kind, but it also means speaking your truth when they do something that upsets you. Staying quiet doesn’t lead to happiness, so knowing when to call your partner out in a healthy way will only make your love stronger and last longer.
- You show physical love: though it’s important to show your partner love and support through your words, keeping up some form of physical love is important. This doesn’t just have to be sex — making sure to give your partner a kiss when you leave for work or holding their hand while running errands are other, more subtle ways to connect physically. Even if it doesn’t come naturally, keeping up a routine of showing physical affection can make all of the difference.
You’ve heard the saying “there’s no such thing as a bad question”?
Well, when it comes to dating – its wrong.
Two-way conversation is an important part of a successful date – particularly a first or second date – and asking questions is a big part of that.
But not all questions are created equal. In particular, if you’re looking for success in dating, AVOID this question at all cost!:
“WHY ARE YOU STILL SINGLE?”
Here’s what makes this question so toxic on a date:
- It implies there’s something wrong with your date (whether that’s what you intended to mean or not).
- It puts your date on the defensive (a terrible way to start a date).
- Its very hard to answer in a positive way (“Because I’ve been meeting some real creeps?”, etc.)
- It will likely lead to them asking you the same question – which you’ll also find hard to answer in a positive way.
- Its irrelevant – who cares why they’re single? They’re here with you now; stop wasting time!
- It immediately turns a date into an interview – pretty much the worst way to start any date.