Some dating mistakes are worse than others. But some are downright “chemistry killers”.
You’re on a date and its going well, or at least you think it is. Then, all of a sudden, things change and your date is asking for the bill and heading for the exits.
How did this happen? Well, it’s possible you committed one of these 6 date-killing mistakes. Learn them – and how to avoid them – and watch your dating blues vanish into thin air:
- A yawning problem: I get it, you’re tired after a long day. But yawning on your date doesn’t send that message at all. Instead, it sends the message that you find your date boring (even if you don’t). Even if you do, don’t yawn.
- Distracted dating: checking out someone else in the restaurant – or chatting up your server – has one possible upside: you’ll soon have plenty of time on your own to pursue them directly. Good luck with that.
- Smoking hot (Not): just because you smoke it doesn’t make you a bad person – and if you’re on a date with a smoker, go for it. But if you’re not – or even if you’re not sure – put the pack away. And while you’re at it – consider quitting. It’ll increase your dating odds by 90%.
- Too much: on a first or second date, your best bet is to control yourself – stick with a drink or two, and maybe a few appetizers. Finishing the bottle (or the hearty prime rib dinner) can send a subtle message that your drink/meal is more important than your date.
- The sweetest sound: everyone wants to feel appreciated, and saying someone’s name is the best and easiest way to do that. However, forgetting someone’s name – or constantly mispronouncing it – will have them checking out of your date before you know it.
- Mistaking a chair for a couch: avoid complicated issues when you’ve just met someone – particularly any talk about your ex or the sorry state of your love life. Pity and angst are not attractive qualities – treat the person across from you as relationship-potential; not a potential shrink.
Sometimes, it feels as though your dating life is going well – you’re going on dates and having fun.
Then, one day, you wake up alone and ask yourself “Why are all my dates leading nowhere?”
Well maybe (just maybe) your dates ARE going well, but you’re screwing up the most important part – at the end of your date.
Here’s the mistake – AND how to fix it (and your love life in the process!):
- The Mistake: not making arrangements to see your date again (or saying you’ll contact them to arrange another date but never doing it).
- The Fix:
- at the end of every first date, ask for a second date. Don’t think about it / worry about it / stress about it / or anything else – just do it.
- change your dating default setting FROM: “I’ll only see them again if the date is fantastic” TO: “I’ll see them again, unless the date is a complete disaster.”
- even if the first date goes poorly, ask for a second date anyway. Why?
- because not everyone is the best version of themselves on a first date;
- because even if there’s no ‘spark’ on the first date, you may develop a spark the next time, or a friendship – which is great too;
- by treating all of your dates with respect (not just the ones you’re REALLY into), they’re much more likely to introduce you to their friend – who just might be your perfect match!
- Success in dating – and in life – isn’t rocket science. Its following up & following through.
Meeting the ‘right person’ is an important element in establishing a successful relationship. Equally important, however, is your own ‘readiness’ to meet that someone special.
Here are 7 classic signs of relationship readiness:
- Dating burnout: does dating begin to feel like ‘groundhog day’, repeating the same old stories about yourself over and over to someone new that you have just met?
- Quest for meaningfulness: do you feel an increasing desire to share meaningful moments with someone special?
- Future planning: do you start thinking about sharing the future (home, family, summer holiday plans, etc.) with someone special?
- Tired of the bar scene and online dating: do you start to think more about quality vs. quantity; ie. dating less but dating more compatible matches?
- More than just looks: do you desire a romantic partner that not only physically attracts you, but who also has other qualities that draw you together (shared family values, intellectual curiosity, education, etc.)?
- In your thoughts: do you find yourself thinking about someone frequently, and consciously making plans which involve them?
- Mutual admiration: do you admire someone and truly value their opinions on important matters in your life?
If you’ve answered yes to some or all of these questions, you are relationship ready!
In the relationship of our dreams, there’s only happy ever afters. In the real world, sadly, that’s not always the case.
But does a failed relationship hurt your future chances of finding someone special? No, it doesn’t. In fact, if you take the right steps, it can INCREASE your chances of finding the right match for you next time around. Here’s how:
- Love (and life) is a circle: don’t look at your love life as a straight line from sadness (loneliness) to happiness (marriage bliss). Instead, look at every new relationship as a part of an endless circle, complete with ups and downs along the way. The end of a relationship doesn’t mean the end of the line, just an opportunity to start a new circle. Let yourself be vulnerable, but commit to picking yourself up – ultimately you’re the only one who truly can.
- If you’re not failing, you’re not trying: its easy to see yourself as a failure when bad things happen, particularly a failed relationship. But the truth is, not all relationships are built to last. And just because a relationship doesn’t last forever doesn’t mean that it has no value. Cherish the good times, even if they’re in the past.
- Visualize relationship success: all good things in life and love come from a vision. Imagine what happiness means (and doesn’t mean) to you. As the saying goes: if you don’t know where you’re going, how will you know when you get there?
- Make an action plan: once you’ve thought about what you’re looking for, take some concrete actions towards meeting that person. That doesn’t mean you need to try every dating method out there; your best best is to choose the methods that suit you best and that maximize your chances of success. You want a strategy – and strategy is choice.
You’ve met someone new and you’re ready to take the next step – a relationship!
But what should you be looking for to tell if they’re truly ‘The One’ for you?
Well, there’s not just one thing. There’s 5 – and here they are:
- The same direction in life: its important that two people have similar goals and trajectories for their lives. When your both heading in the same direction, you’re likely to end up in the same destination – happiness.
- Chemistry: it might go without saying, but chemistry is a key element in successful relationships. It can take time to become evident, especially if you or your date are too nervous in the beginning to be yourselves, but it has to be present (at least a little bit to start). Don’t forget, chemistry that starts small but grows over time lasts for a long, long time.
- Looks & similar place in life: two pillars of a successful match are looks and status (ie. where you are in life). If those two factors align, it’s likely that the rest will, too. Matchmakers often say: “If people like the way the person looks, they will like the person. If you’re relatively the same status, you will be happy.”
- Common interests: maybe you both like cooking and share new recipes with each other. Maybe you enjoy hiking or hate-watching bad movies. Whatever it is that brings you together, there should be something that you both can talk about and partake in. Matchmakers often say: “They have to have enough in common to have a conversation and also to teach each other different things.”
- The intangibles: some of the traits on this list are temporary, and that’s okay. While looks, status, and interests can change, they’re still important catalysts for sparking a connection and bringing people closer together. But even before these things begin to fade, look for someone who demonstrates evergreen qualities like kindness and respect. Matchmakers often say: “You don’t really need perfect teeth and broad shoulders when you’re 70 years old, but you should be looking for someone that genuinely respects you and makes you laugh and is kind. That’s what we find are the most important traits to look for in a match, are really the intangible.”