Breaking up is hard to do. But it doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
Sometimes in fact – if you’re in a toxic relationship – it’s exactly what you need to do.
The challenge with any breakup is learning how to move on, so you can get on with your (love) life. But how?
Here’s how – 5 positives that come from leaving a toxic relationship behind:
- Living (and loving) is learning: in life & in love, nothing stays the same forever. Even healthy relationships are like flowers – they need constant attention (and sunlight too). Look at a failed relationship for what it is: an invaluable lesson in what you’re not looking for; which will help guide you towards the future you – in a happy, healthy and loving relationship.
- You become more resilient: a traumatic experience like a toxic relationship will change you, and you will feel totally broken for quite a while. But once the fog starts to lift, and you see it for what it really was, you fix yourself so you’re indestructible.
- You can identify the red flags: there are a number of red flags that someone isn’t a good person to be around. It may be something obvious, such as rude behaviour, but a lot of the time the signs are pretty subtle. Looking back and gaining perspective on a damaging relationship helps you identify the traits that drew you towards that person in the first place.
- Dealing with difficult people gets easier: realising your own boundaries in romantic relationships helps you out in other walks of life too. You’ll be able to say “here’s my line, do not cross it” to people in your family, friendship group, and even at work.
- Boundaries are healthy: the more time that passes, the more you will realise how troubling the way you were treated was. Becoming very clear about your boundaries means you have a better idea of the kind of person you really are. You also know what you are willing to tolerate, and you will be better at realising who will and won’t respect you.
In love (as in life), looks can be deceiving.
Sometimes, “perfect couples” don’t turn out to be perfect. And other couples – who you never thought would make it – turn into lasting relationships.
That’s because there’s one relationship trait that you think is a BAD sign, but it turns out to be a GOOD sign. What is it?
The answer is surprising, but quite simple:
Why?: no-one enjoys arguing, that’s for sure. But if you’re arguing, you’re probably still together. And if you keep talking long enough (assuming the arguments don’t turn into violence), you’re going to eventually work things out.
Indeed, the biggest leading indicator that a marriage is about to end is not, in fact, when couples argue. It’s when they stop talking.
Conclusion: don’t worry so much about arguing (although do try and keep it respectful). When you stop talking, that’s when you should start worrying.
Successful relationships aren’t always perfect or easy. And not everything is a “relationship red flag”. But some things are.
So how do you know which relationship issues truly matter?
Here’s 6 “relationship red flags” to worry about, and why:
- Life’s a (constant) party: having a few drinks (or more) from time to time can be fun – especially if you’re both social. But if it starts taking over your relationship, pay closer attention.
- Lack of close friends: not everyone wants 100 friends, or wants to be with someone who does. But if your partner has no close friends at all, it might be worthwhile asking why. It doesn’t have to be a deal breaker, but it may be a worthwhile conversation to have.
- Liar, liar: the odd white lie doesn’t have to be a big deal; but if you’re often catching your partner in lies – particularly if they’re getting bigger – it may be time to talk.
- Too funky for me: sex is an important part of any successful relationship, and being open-minded and non-judgmental can be an asset. But if your sex life starts veering into areas you’re just not comfortable with, its time to communicate that with your partner.
- Not working?: Jobs and careers can have their ups and downs – that’s normal. But if your partner doesn’t have a job, nor seems very interested in getting one, this could be a red flag for the future.
- Negative Nate/Nelly: noticing how your partner responds to simple requests, like accompanying you to a work event or going to lunch with your parents, could be a good indicator as to how they’ll behave in a relationship over time. If its always negative – communicate this with your partner. Whatever relationship problem you have, the solution comes down to this: communication.