When you’re on a first date, looks matter. Its true.
But if you’re looking for true chemistry – the kind that lasts a lifetime – its not how you LOOK, but what you SAY that really matters.
So what should you say to create attraction & chemistry on your date? These 5 things:
- Complement, sincerely: everyone wants to be complemented – particularly if it feels genuine. Be in the moment, and be honest, but make a point to complement your date on something that catches your eye (their shoes, their dress, cologne, smile, etc.). If you can’t find even one single thing to complement your date on, its probably not a good sign – for them, but especially for you.
- Positively positive: a positive attitude speaks louder than words, particularly if you’ve just met someone new, who’s relationship-minded (like you). Even if someone’s looks don’t blow you away at first, if being around them makes you feel good, there’s a great chance of a second or third date – which is where true chemistry appears.
- Say anything: awkward silences are never great, but they’re particularly harmful on a first or second date. Don’t get stuck with nothing to say (because of nerves, or anything else), prepare a mental list before your date of fun things to talk about – especially if you have an idea of a subject that interests your date. For example, if your date loves music, tell him/her about that great music festival you attended last summer.
- Say nothing: nerves can sometimes leave you at a loss for words, but they can also lead you to a worse problem – which is talking all the time. Be self-aware on your date and aim for a 50/50 split of talking vs listening. The best conversations are built on something your date says, or better yet, something they’re excited about. Active listening is essential if you want to create true chemistry.
- Be bold: at the end of your date, don’t wait for your date partner to make the first move – if the dates gone well (or even if its gone average), tell them you’ve enjoyed it and suggest a second date. There’ll never be a better chance for a second date, then at the end of a good first date.
If you’ve been single for a while it’s easy to become frustrated with the dating scene – particularly if you’re a busy single or professional who’s ready for a relationship.
But you might be surprised to learn this: dating success has far more to do with YOUR actions than on the available pool of compatible singles.
It may be time to fine tune your dating approach, start by avoiding these 6 common mistakes:
- Checklist dating: nothing will turn your date off faster than feeling that they’re being interviewed. Yes, having dating criteria is important, but being open to meeting a wide variety of people will maximize your chances of a true connection.
- Just another meeting: treating your dates like business meetings can seem like a normal thing to do, particularly if you’re a single professional. But here’s the problem with this approach – it can make your date feel like a business meeting, and who ever wanted a business meeting to go on forever?
- Less me more you: focusing more on your date than on your own feelings – particularly on a first or second date – will dramatically increase your chances of dating success. If your date is having a good time, you will too (and vice versa).
- The 10 second rule: deciding right away whether you like someone will likely mean you’ll miss out on the one that’s truly a great match for you. Chemistry is important, but true chemistry is not just physical. Take your time, you have nothing to lose but your single life.
- Self control: when you do meet someone you’re really interested in, try not to overdo it on a first date. Avoid drinking too much or trying too hard to ‘close the deal’… if the dates going well, propose a 2nd date right there and then – there’ll never be a better time to get a ‘yes’.
- Follow through: if you’ve met someone you like, don’t let them slip through the cracks because you’re too busy. There’s nothing more important to your dating success than staying true to your word – let your date know you’re interested in seeing them again, then make it happen. Your future happiness depends on it.
Breaking up is hard to do. But it doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
Sometimes in fact – if you’re in a toxic relationship – it’s exactly what you need to do.
The challenge with any breakup is learning how to move on, so you can get on with your (love) life. But how?
Here’s how – 5 positives that come from leaving a toxic relationship behind:
- Living (and loving) is learning: in life & in love, nothing stays the same forever. Even healthy relationships are like flowers – they need constant attention (and sunlight too). Look at a failed relationship for what it is: an invaluable lesson in what you’re not looking for; which will help guide you towards the future you – in a happy, healthy and loving relationship.
- You become more resilient: a traumatic experience like a toxic relationship will change you, and you will feel totally broken for quite a while. But once the fog starts to lift, and you see it for what it really was, you fix yourself so you’re indestructible.
- You can identify the red flags: there are a number of red flags that someone isn’t a good person to be around. It may be something obvious, such as rude behaviour, but a lot of the time the signs are pretty subtle. Looking back and gaining perspective on a damaging relationship helps you identify the traits that drew you towards that person in the first place.
- Dealing with difficult people gets easier: realising your own boundaries in romantic relationships helps you out in other walks of life too. You’ll be able to say “here’s my line, do not cross it” to people in your family, friendship group, and even at work.
- Boundaries are healthy: the more time that passes, the more you will realise how troubling the way you were treated was. Becoming very clear about your boundaries means you have a better idea of the kind of person you really are. You also know what you are willing to tolerate, and you will be better at realising who will and won’t respect you.
In love (as in life), looks can be deceiving.
Sometimes, “perfect couples” don’t turn out to be perfect. And other couples – who you never thought would make it – turn into lasting relationships.
That’s because there’s one relationship trait that you think is a BAD sign, but it turns out to be a GOOD sign. What is it?
The answer is surprising, but quite simple:
Why?: no-one enjoys arguing, that’s for sure. But if you’re arguing, you’re probably still together. And if you keep talking long enough (assuming the arguments don’t turn into violence), you’re going to eventually work things out.
Indeed, the biggest leading indicator that a marriage is about to end is not, in fact, when couples argue. It’s when they stop talking.
Conclusion: don’t worry so much about arguing (although do try and keep it respectful). When you stop talking, that’s when you should start worrying.
Successful relationships aren’t always perfect or easy. And not everything is a “relationship red flag”. But some things are.
So how do you know which relationship issues truly matter?
Here’s 6 “relationship red flags” to worry about, and why:
- Life’s a (constant) party: having a few drinks (or more) from time to time can be fun – especially if you’re both social. But if it starts taking over your relationship, pay closer attention.
- Lack of close friends: not everyone wants 100 friends, or wants to be with someone who does. But if your partner has no close friends at all, it might be worthwhile asking why. It doesn’t have to be a deal breaker, but it may be a worthwhile conversation to have.
- Liar, liar: the odd white lie doesn’t have to be a big deal; but if you’re often catching your partner in lies – particularly if they’re getting bigger – it may be time to talk.
- Too funky for me: sex is an important part of any successful relationship, and being open-minded and non-judgmental can be an asset. But if your sex life starts veering into areas you’re just not comfortable with, its time to communicate that with your partner.
- Not working?: Jobs and careers can have their ups and downs – that’s normal. But if your partner doesn’t have a job, nor seems very interested in getting one, this could be a red flag for the future.
- Negative Nate/Nelly: noticing how your partner responds to simple requests, like accompanying you to a work event or going to lunch with your parents, could be a good indicator as to how they’ll behave in a relationship over time. If its always negative – communicate this with your partner. Whatever relationship problem you have, the solution comes down to this: communication.