If you’re looking for a relationship, online dating apps can be frustrating. Endless first dates that seem to lead nowhere.
But maybe its not your fault. Maybe its even a good thing?
The path the dating success is never a straight line. Even if it was, you’d never learn anything about yourself along the way.
Stop blaming yourself. You just need a new dating approach. Its simple, and here it is:
- Mix it up: doing the same things over & over again and expecting a different result is a recipe for dating frustration. Stop swiping & put your phone down; get yourself out there and try something new: attend a fun event with a friend, or a summer music festival, or a hit a local hotspot in a new part of town. You’ve nothing to lose but your single life.
- Be the hunter, and you’ll soon be hunted: waiting around for Mr or Ms Right to come up and say hi is not likely to work. When you’re out socially – or even on a coffee break outside – smile, be friendly and strike up conversations with people around you (singles, couples, young & old alike). Its called conversational momentum and it’ll make you and those around you feel a whole lot better.
- Be the person you want to meet: if you’re looking for someone active, get in shape. If you’re looking for someone outdoorsy, join a hiking club. If you’re looking for someone kind & friendly, be kind & friendly to others. Its not rocket science – heck, its not even science – its common sense, and it works.
- Be the most positive person in the room: when you are on a date, avoid negative topics at all costs. Be fun, be happy, tell some funny or interesting stories – focus on making your date have the time of their lives. It may not lead you to a relationship right away, buts its a great start.
- Hire a professional: you wouldn’t buy a house on your own would you? So who says dating has to be a ‘Do-it-yourself’ project. Professional matchmaking services (like Executive Search Dating) are booming these days for a reason – they work! Contact us today to learn more.
Finding a lasting relationship feels good. But its good for you too.
Not just physically, but mentally as well.
How you ask? In these 5 ways:
- Love makes you happy: when you first fall in love, dopamine, the feel-good brain chemical associated with reward, is especially active. That is a mood intensifier, so people feel extremely positive and very appreciated, hence that “on cloud nine” feeling you get in the throes of a new relationship.
- Love busts stress: after the honeymoon phase subsides, all of that dopamine starts to share real estate with another brain chemical: oxytocin, or the bonding hormone. That not only gives you “warm and fuzzy” feelings for your partner, but it can also be good for your health. When people feel securely attached, their stress levels go down.
- Love eases anxiety: quite a few studies have pointed to ways that loneliness can hurt your health, from increasing inflammation to activating pain centers. The feeling of loneliness stimulates anxiety, which is mediated by different neurotransmitters, like norepinephrine. Also, cortisol and adrenaline levels rise when people feel insecure and threatened, which triggers your body’s stress response. Being in love and feeling close to another person can mitigate anxiety.
- Love makes you take better care of yourself: the benefits of love aren’t all in your head. Couples encourage each other to go to the doctor when they don’t want to. There’s a lot of denial around medical illness, and individuals are more likely to shrug off something and say, ‘This can’t be serious.’ Sometimes, partners will even notice signs of allergies or other persistent health problems before the sufferer does.
- Love helps you live longer: research has shown that married couples enjoy greater longevity than singles — making “’til death do us part” even more of a commitment. Studies suggest those long-life benefits are largely explained by consistent social and emotional support, better adherence to medical care and having a partner who can hold you accountable to healthy lifestyle behaviors and steer you away from bad ones. Married couples have been found to have lower rates of substance abuse, lower blood pressure and less depression than single peers.
But there’s also good news for the unattached. In 2010, a review of 148 studies found that longevity benefits were linked to all close social relationships, not just romantic ones — meaning your friends and family are good for your health, too.
There are lots of things that determine a couple’s long-term compatibility – their values, their goals, their idea of fun, their commitment to work.
But what also matters is what “type” you are – and what “type” is your partner. Some types go together like bread & butter. Others like oil & water.
So which type are you, and what does this mean for your relationship potential?
Depending on how you answer the question “how do you respond to expectations”, you are one of 4 types:
- Upholders generally meet both inner and outer expectations, meaning they don’t let others or themselves down.
- Questioners meet inner expectations; they’ll only do something if they think it makes sense.
- Obligers (the biggest category) meet outer expectations but don’t always meet inner ones; they usually need some form of external accountability.
- Rebels resist both inner and outer expectations; if you ask a rebel to do something, they’ll likely resist.
So which pair is the best match? Rebels and Obligers.
Why? Because Obligers can stomach Rebels’ constant resistance – and even enjoy it – whereas Questioners and Upholders would go nuts.
Ultimately, Rebels and Obligers have something in common. Both resist inner expectation and this gives them this feeling that the world is pushing on them and they want to push back.
Pushing back is harder for Obligers than for rebels, which means the Rebel partner can help the Obliger partner do what they’d really like to.
Of course, your tendency isn’t the only factor that determines the success of your relationship. But it’s probably an under-appreciated one.
You’ve been dating & you’re serious about finding a relationship partner? Good.
Learning from your dates, so that you INCREASE your chances of truly connecting with someone special? Great!
Successful dating isn’t complicated – it actually comes down to 3 key dating habits. Here they are!
- Put yourself out there: if you’ve been single for a while & not meeting anyone, dating can feel daunting. But it doesn’t have to be. Getting yourself out there is the first (and most important) step – you’ve nothing to lose but your single life.
- Practice makes perfect: making small talk with someone new doesn’t always feel natural – but here’s the thing: awkward (or bad) conversation on a first or second date can be a real chemistry killer. Think of some interesting stories and topics that you enjoy and try them out on your date.
- Embrace the journey & you’ll reach your destination: if you’ve been dating for a while – or using dating apps – it can be easy to fall into “the dating vicious cycle” (you’re unhappy with your dating life – you show it on your date – your date doesn’t go well – repeat). Its time you break this cycle – be positive & the best version of you on your date (whether you feel chemistry or not) and you’ll soon enter “the dating virtuous cycle” (you’re positive & fun on your date – your date goes well and leads to a 2nd or 3rd date – which makes you feel even more positive and fun on your next date – repeat – repeat – relationship!).
You’re ready for a relationship but tired of online dating. Its time you tried something new.
Not all ways of meeting people happen online – in fact, the best ones don’t.
But where can you find other fabulous singles just like you? Here’s 8 proven ways:
- Have a hobby: where can you find someone like-minded? Doing something that you love, and they love doing too! Cooking classes, hiking, an art exhibit… it doesn’t matter what it is; what’s important is that you like doing it.
- Go wine tasting: most of us wouldn’t approach someone up in a bar. But at a wine tasting evening the lovely liquid is a prop, a shared interest, and a conversational lubricant. P.S. Scotch tastings work too!
- Head to an alumni event: attend a school, work or university networking event and reignite your mind; and just maybe, your love life too.
- Can you gig it?: there is something about a grubby yet creative space that loosens people up. Pick a small-ish, intimate gig where you can chat music, spill your beer and swap festival anecdotes.
- Go solo: whether you want to chill out on a beach, brush up on your yoga or climb a mountain, there are plenty of holidays out there for solo holiday goers where you can meet some top-notch singles.
- Attend a trendy singles event: hipster-approved singles events are jumping out of the woodwork at a surprising rate. Find one that seems fun to you, and bring a friend or two along.
- Say ‘Yes’: stop saying ‘no’ when friends or co-workers ask you out. Your chances of meeting someone when you’re out having a good time are as high as they’ll ever be.
- Hire a Matchmaker: there’s a reason why the matchmaking industry is exploding right now – because matchmaking works – especially if you’re a busy professional or entrepreneur, or if you value privacy & screening! Contact us today and we’ll get you started meeting fabulous singles right away.