You’ve just finished your date, and it feels like things went great! But when you text your new flame later, they say they’re just not that into you… what gives!?
What happened is the date went great for YOU, but not for YOUR DATE.
Here’s 7 signs you’re a bad date, and how to fix it… fast!
- Late, far from great: you may have a good reason for showing up late on a first or second date, but here’s what your date thinks – they are clearly not as important as the other things you had to do which made you late. If you’re tired of being single, start by showing up on time on your date.
- The world’s sweetest (worst) sound: saying someone’s name (correctly) is one of the sweetest sounds your date will hear. Forgetting or repeatedly mispronouncing their name is probably the worst. Yes, its the simplest of things. And yes it matters (a lot).
- All about me: talking about yourself the whole date probably sounds good to you; but likely not your date. If your date is serious about finding someone, they’ll likely want to feel that they can have their say too… let them speak.
- Nothing about me: on the other hand, not talking about yourself at all is not the answer. This can come across as being guarded, which might lead your date to think you’re not interested in them (even if you are). Tell some funny stories about yourself or what you like to do; nothing too serious on a first or second date though.
- Distracted dating: focus on the person you’re with on your date. Checking out other people at the restaurant or – worse yet – hitting on the staff or bartender, will have you back home (alone) in no time flat.
- Bored to dating death: not everyone is equipped with a wicked sense of humor, or an amazing array of fascinating travel stories. But here’s what everyone does have: functioning ears. Put them to use by LISTENING to your date, which will uncover subjects that interest THEM. Next step, talk about that subject and show genuine interest.
- The three day rule is dating history: in today’s world, waiting some proscribed amount of time to let someone know you enjoyed your date (1 day, 3 days, 1 week, etc.) just won’t cut it. No relationship in the history of the world ever failed to launch because someone reached out too soon after their first date to say how much they enjoyed themselves. In today’s smartphone obsessed world, 3 days can feel like 3 weeks. If you liked your date, let them know (and suggest an idea for your 2nd date). In love and in life, fortune favors the bold!
First dates can be a communication minefield.
On the one hand, you want to present the best version of yourself to someone who could potentially be your boyfriend or girlfriend. You want to get past the awkward “small talk” and figure out whether the two of you are compatible.
But on the other hand, you don’t want to get too invasive. While there’s no set rulebook for how to act on a first date, there are some questions that could give your potential partner the wrong impression.
Here are the seven worst questions to ask on a first date:
- What’s your relationship like with your parents?: stay away from overly personal questions on the first date. I get it, you want to skip the “small talk” and get to a deep conversation, but you must ease into these topics so the other person does not become uncomfortable.
- Why did you and your ex break up?: bringing up past relationships can also ruin first dates. What happened in the past isn’t relevant to the date that’s happening right now. While someone may have had a rocky relationship with their last partner, you could bring out a completely different side of them.
- What’s your favorite position?: avoid talking explicitly about sex on the first date; its too much, too soon.
- How can you work in a job like that?: avoid judgmental comments and questions about what someone does, wears, hangs out with, etc. You don’t want your date to feel like you’re keeping score and auditioning him or her for the future.
- Why weren’t you a better friend?: along with judgmental questions, avoid asking things that would make your date feel guilty about a personal story they revealed to you – remember, the point is to feel good.
- Do you always wear this much makeup?: avoid asking a question about someone’s appearance. In fact, don’t say anything about your date’s appearance unless it’s a direct compliment.
- Do you want a relationship?: don’t inquire about a long-term relationship on the first date. While you should be upfront about whether you just want to hook up or would like something more serious, getting too serious too soon turns your date off.
Being yourself is important.
But if you want a successful long-term relationship, there are two qualities that are even MORE important: being an open communicator with your partner, and being open to change.
In a recent study, scientists surveyed over 5,500 singles and revealed their list of the top “relationship dealbreakers”.
Here’s the top 11 – work on avoiding or improving as many of these as possible, and you can INCREASE your chances of a lasting relationship:
Disheveled (unclean appearance).
Lacks sense of humor.
Lived more than 3 hours away from me.
Too much TV/video games.
Low sex drive.
Talks too much.
Have you ever been on a date where things went wrong, but you couldn’t figure out why? Or a date where you thought things went great, but when you called your date the next day they told you they weren’t interested in seeing you again?
Well it happens. Sometimes chemistry happens for one person but not the other. But sometimes, just sometimes, there are warning signs. Learn how to read these 8 warning signs, and you may just turn a bad date into a good date, and on to a second date and beyond:
- Re-scheduling: in life, particularly for a busy person, things sometime come up last minute, forcing you to re-schedule. But if your date is constantly changing plans last minute, it may be a sign that they’re not really that interested.
- Late, not great: if your date shows up late without a good excuse, it’s a sign that they’re probably not that into it.
- Disengaged: if your date is not really engaging in conversation, or simply seems to be distant – it’s likely that they are just not into you.
- Distracted: when your date is spending more time chatting to the wait staff, or worse yet checking them out, it sends a message that they’re more interested in the wait staff than they are in you.
- Not listening: if your date keeps talking over you, or clearly isn’t listening to what you’re saying, it shows they’re not really interested in you.
- No questions: if your date is happy to talk about themselves, but doesn’t ask you even one question about yourself, it shows an overall lack of interest.
- Yawning: a yawn is nature’s way of showing that someone is bored.
- Arguing: if you find yourself in heated arguments with your date, particularly on a first or second date, it’s pretty much a given that things aren’t going well.
When you dream about your perfect partner, what do they look like? I’ll bet they’re very attractive – exactly your physical type, right?
Physical chemistry is important – who are we kidding – but what happens when your dream relationship runs into real-life problems?
Well, physical chemistry alone won’t save you. But this essential relationship quality will:
What is it?:
- An ability to rise above the day to day issues (job, health, family, stress, etc.) and see the relationship as a whole.
- An ability to discuss the overall state of your relationship, without getting dragged down into minute details and petty grievances.
- An openness to seeing things from your partner’s perspective & being open to change & compromise for the sake of your relationship.
- An ability to say you’re wrong.
How can you spot it?:
- Is someone open to new ideas, or are they close-minded in your early conversations?
- When discussing past relationships, do they blame their past partners or do they accept some of the blame themselves? Do they say they’ve learned from past relationships?
- Do they anger easily & yell at restaurant staff, other drivers, etc.; do they constantly criticize others but never their own actions?
- Do they value relationships with friends, family, co-workers, etc?