Category Archives: Executive Search Dating: The Dating Advice Blog

5 Things That Can Make You Irresistible This Valentine’s Day

When someone finds you irresistible, its no guarantee you’ll be a great match. But its a pretty good start.

Sexiness doesn’t just happen – and its not just about how someone looks – science tells us there are specific traits that boost someone’s attractiveness.

So if you’re ready to be irresistible this Valentine’s Day, do these 5 things on your next date:

  1. Its a funny thing:  if you can make someone laugh, you’re half way there. But equally important, particularly for men, is laughing at their jokes. So whether you’re the comedian or the appreciative audience, the more you laugh the more you win in the game of love.
  2. Being liked is sexy:  everyone wants to be appreciated, but over 90% of couples say a major factor in falling in love was discovering that the other person liked them. Spend less time in front of the mirror, and more time appreciating the person you’re with and your single days will soon be over.
  3. Talk it to me:  when you’re on a date, real conversations matter (they really matter). Asking someone questions about themselves, actively listening and sharing personal stories sends the message that you’re open to a true connection. Random & superficial conversations send the opposite message: that this date will be your last.
  4. Personality is sexy:  if you’re looking for something casual, then looks are most important & personality not much at all. But if you’re looking for a relationship, its the reverse. By all means do your best to look your best, but being a good person – easy to get along with, fun to be around, considerate & caring – will send the message that you’re relationship material more than any cologne or perfume ever will.
  5. How they make you feel is sexy:  research shows we don’t really fall in love with a person – we fall in love with how we feel when we’re with them. In other words, your date may forget what you say, or even what you do, but they’ll never forget how you made them feel.

The Trick To Creating Chemistry On Your Date Isn’t How You Look – It’s What You Say

When you’re on a first date, looks matter. Its true.

But if you’re looking for true chemistry – the kind that lasts a lifetime – its not how you LOOK, but what you SAY that really matters.

So what should you say to create attraction & chemistry on your date? These 5 things:

  1. Complement, sincerely:  everyone wants to be complemented – particularly if it feels genuine. Be in the moment, and be honest, but make a point to complement your date on something that catches your eye (their shoes, their dress, cologne, smile, etc.).  If you can’t find even one single thing to complement your date on, its probably not a good sign – for them, but especially for you.
  2. Positively positive:  a positive attitude speaks louder than words, particularly if you’ve just met someone new, who’s relationship-minded (like you). Even if someone’s looks don’t blow you away at first, if being around them makes you feel good, there’s a great chance of a second or third date – which is where true chemistry appears.
  3. Say anything:  awkward silences are never great, but they’re particularly harmful on a first or second date. Don’t get stuck with nothing to say (because of nerves, or anything else), prepare a mental list before your date of fun things to talk about – especially if you have an idea of a subject that interests your date. For example, if your date loves music, tell him/her about that great music festival you attended last summer.
  4. Say nothing:  nerves can sometimes leave you at a loss for words, but they can also lead you to a worse problem – which is talking all the time. Be self-aware on your date and aim for a 50/50 split of talking vs listening. The best conversations are built on something your date says, or better yet, something they’re excited about. Active listening is essential if you want to create true chemistry.
  5. Be bold:  at the end of your date, don’t wait for your date partner to make the first move – if the dates gone well (or even if its gone average), tell them you’ve enjoyed it and suggest a second date. There’ll never be a better chance for a second date, then at the end of a good first date.

6 Fixable Flaws That Are Holding You Back From Dating Success

If you’ve been single for a while it’s easy to become frustrated with the dating scene – particularly if you’re a busy single or professional who’s ready for a relationship.

But you might be surprised to learn this: dating success has far more to do with YOUR actions than on the available pool of compatible singles.

It may be time to fine tune your dating approach, start by avoiding these 6 common mistakes:

  1. Checklist dating:  nothing will turn your date off faster than feeling that they’re being interviewed. Yes, having dating criteria is important, but being open to meeting a wide variety of people will maximize your chances of a true connection.
  2. Just another meeting:  treating your dates like business meetings can seem like a normal thing to do, particularly if you’re a single professional. But here’s the problem with this approach – it can make your date feel like a business meeting, and who ever wanted a business meeting to go on forever?
  3. Less me more you:  focusing more on your date than on your own feelings – particularly on a first or second date – will dramatically increase your chances of dating success.  If your date is having a good time, you will too (and vice versa).
  4. The 10 second rule:  deciding right away whether you like someone will likely mean you’ll miss out on the one that’s truly a great match for you. Chemistry is important, but true chemistry is not just physical. Take your time, you have nothing to lose but your single life.
  5. Self control:  when you do meet someone you’re really interested in, try not to overdo it on a first date. Avoid drinking too much or trying too hard to ‘close the deal’… if the dates going well, propose a 2nd date right there and then – there’ll never be a better time to get a ‘yes’.
  6. Follow through:  if you’ve met someone you like, don’t let them slip through the cracks because you’re too busy. There’s nothing more important to your dating success than staying true to your word – let your date know you’re interested in seeing them again, then make it happen. Your future happiness depends on it.

5 Positive Lessons You Learn When You Leave A Toxic Relationship Behind

Breaking up is hard to do. But it doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

Sometimes in fact – if you’re in a toxic relationship – it’s exactly what you need to do.

The challenge with any breakup is learning how to move on, so you can get on with your (love) life. But how?

Here’s how – 5 positives that come from leaving a toxic relationship behind:

  1. Living (and loving) is learning:  in life & in love, nothing stays the same forever. Even healthy relationships are like flowers – they need constant attention (and sunlight too).  Look at a failed relationship for what it is: an invaluable lesson in what you’re not looking for; which will help guide you towards the future you – in a happy, healthy and loving relationship.
  2. You become more resilient:  a traumatic experience like a toxic relationship will change you, and you will feel totally broken for quite a while. But once the fog starts to lift, and you see it for what it really was, you fix yourself so you’re indestructible.
  3. You can identify the red flags:  there are a number of red flags that someone isn’t a good person to be around. It may be something obvious, such as rude behaviour, but a lot of the time the signs are pretty subtle. Looking back and gaining perspective on a damaging relationship helps you identify the traits that drew you towards that person in the first place.
  4. Dealing with difficult people gets easier:  realising your own boundaries in romantic relationships helps you out in other walks of life too. You’ll be able to say “here’s my line, do not cross it” to people in your family, friendship group, and even at work.
  5. Boundaries are healthy:  the more time that passes, the more you will realise how troubling the way you were treated was. Becoming very clear about your boundaries means you have a better idea of the kind of person you really are. You also know what you are willing to tolerate, and you will be better at realising who will and won’t respect you.

Successful Relationships Share A Trait You Probably Think Is Bad

In love (as in life), looks can be deceiving.

Sometimes, “perfect couples” don’t turn out to be perfect. And other couples – who you never thought would make it – turn into lasting relationships.

That’s because there’s one relationship trait that you think is a BAD sign, but it turns out to be a GOOD sign. What is it?

The answer is surprising, but quite simple:


Why?:  no-one enjoys arguing, that’s for sure. But if you’re arguing, you’re probably still together. And if you keep talking long enough (assuming the arguments don’t turn into violence), you’re going to eventually work things out.

Indeed, the biggest leading indicator that a marriage is about to end is not, in fact, when couples argue. It’s when they stop talking.

Conclusion:  don’t worry so much about arguing (although do try and keep it respectful). When you stop talking, that’s when you should start worrying.

6 Relationship Red Flags That Are a Bigger Deal Than You Think

Successful relationships aren’t always perfect or easy. And not everything is a “relationship red flag”. But some things are.

So how do you know which relationship issues truly matter?

Here’s 6 “relationship red flags” to worry about, and why:

  1. Life’s a (constant) party:  having a few drinks (or more) from time to time can be fun – especially if you’re both social.  But if it starts taking over your relationship, pay closer attention.
  2. Lack of close friends:  not everyone wants 100 friends, or wants to be with someone who does. But if your partner has no close friends at all, it might be worthwhile asking why. It doesn’t have to be a deal breaker, but it may be a worthwhile conversation to have.
  3. Liar, liar:  the odd white lie doesn’t have to be a big deal; but if you’re often catching your partner in lies – particularly if they’re getting bigger – it may be time to talk.
  4. Too funky for me:  sex is an important part of any successful relationship, and being open-minded and non-judgmental can be an asset. But if your sex life starts veering into areas you’re just not comfortable with, its time to communicate that with your partner.
  5. Not working?:  Jobs and careers can have their ups and downs – that’s normal. But if your partner doesn’t have a job, nor seems very interested in getting one, this could be a red flag for the future.
  6. Negative Nate/Nelly:  noticing how your partner responds to simple requests, like accompanying you to a work event or going to lunch with your parents, could be a good indicator as to how they’ll behave in a relationship over time. If its always negative – communicate this with your partner. Whatever relationship problem you have, the solution comes down to this: communication.

The reason dating is so frustrating is that we’re looking at it all wrong

You’re single & you want to meet “The One” in 2019.
But what to do if your dating life is going nowhere?

Well maybe Mr/Ms Right is out there waiting for you, you just need to change your dating approach. Stop expecting to “fall in love” at first sight – it puts too much pressure on you & your date.

Try this instead: “fall in like” with your date first. How? Start by asking yourself these 5 questions:

  • Do I like this person?
  • Would it be worth adding this person to my friend group?
  • Do I want to see this person again?
  • If I don’t find this person attractive, do I have a friend who might find them attractive?
  • Is this a person who I have something in common with?

Why? At some level, meeting your special someone involves expanding your social circle. Expecting your date to be “The One” is not only limiting yourself, it also means you’re unlikely to go on many second or third dates, and much more likely to become frustrated with dating.

Worse yet, as you become more frustrated with dating, it’ll start negatively affecting your dates – even dates where there is real long term romantic potential. This is “the dating vicious cycle”.

So stop looking for “The One” on every date, and you just might meet them sooner than you think.

10 Ways To Meet Someone New This Holiday Season

The holidays have arrived, complete with images of happy couples and families celebrating together. But what if you’re single? Well, there’s good news!

Canadians can be notoriously chilly when it comes to meeting new people, but that all changes when Santa comes to town.

The secret to finding your special someone under the Xmas tree this year?
• Dust off your party clothes! The holidays are peak party season’, so take advantage of it!
• Channel your Christmas Cheer! People are feeling friendly this time of year, so use the ‘magic’ holiday season approach line – “Merry Christmas” – early & often.

Here’s 10 ways to meet someone new this holiday season:

1. Get your (Xmas) party on:  instead of waiting for someone to throw a Christmas party, throw one yourself. Be sure to ask your friends to invite their single friends too.

2. The Year’s Best Approach Line:  and it only comes around once a year – “Merry Christmas” – use it early and often at every social event and situation this year, and Christmas cheer will soon follow.

3. More grins, less Grinch:  being negative is rarely a good approach in meeting someone new, particularly at Christmas. Unless you’ve decided that you want to remain single forever, put on a brave and positive face and you’ll make a far better impression.

4. More ‘yes’, less ‘no’:  don’t be afraid to double book yourself – it’s peak party season but that doesn’t mean you have to commit one entire evening to one party. Pop by a few parties – the more the merrier – but be sure to ask for that special someone’s number before you go.

5. Learn how to mingle like Kris Kringle:  the key to meeting someone new at a busy party is to not spend the whole night talking to one person (particularly if you already know them and they’re not single). Do the rounds when you arrive; you can always come back later for a longer chat with someone interesting.

6. Tag along:  who says you only have to go to friends’ parties? In fact, the chances of meeting new people are increased when you go to a party of people you don’t know. If you find yourself at a loss for words – refer to point #2 above!

7. Office events, but not yours:  of course do attend your own office party, but avoid making a scene you’ll later regret. A friend’s office party, however, can be a more relaxed and effective way to meet other single professionals.

8. Be like Rudolf (and light the way):  if there’s someone you’ve been meaning to ask out, a fun Christmas party or holiday event might be just that perfect occasion. Hint: an event with your family is almost certainly not!

9. Hire a Professional:  Professional Matchmaking Services like Executive Search Dating consider December to be ‘peak dating season’, with lots of busy singles & professionals looking to meet new people. Give us a call, you have nothing to lose but your single life!

10. Turn the page:  the holidays can be busy (and stressful) for some, so don’t add to that stress by worrying about meeting your perfect match before Christmas Day. Look to meet some new people during the holiday season, and be open to re-connecting with them in January, when everyone’s social calendar goes from being “Busy” to “Empty”!

4 Behaviors That Predict Divorce

Your relationship is not perfect.

But no-ones perfect, so expecting your relationship to be perfect is probably not the right approach.

However, relationship psychologists can predict which marriages will end in divorce 93% of the time.

How? By looking out for these 4 ‘relationship-killing’ behaviors. Learn them & avoid them at all costs:

  1. Contempt:  a virulent mix of anger and disgust, contempt is far more toxic than simple frustration or negativity. It involves seeing your partner as beneath you, rather than as an equal. Basically, contempt is “the kiss of death” for a relationship.
  2. Criticism:  like contempt, criticism involves turning a behavior (something your partner did) into a statement about his or her character (the type of person he or she is). Over time, these personal detractions can add up, feeding darker feelings of resentment and contempt.
  3. Defensiveness:  if you find yourself regularly playing the victim in tough situations with your partner, you might be guilty of being defensive. Couples who divorce within the first several years of their marriage — one of the times when divorce rates are highest — “entering negativity is like stepping into a quicksand bog. It’s easy to enter but hard to exit.”
  4. Stonewalling:  you know when an argument is about to start. You can feel your heart rate increase and your voice get just a tiny bit louder. But the moment things start to get heated, do you pull out your phone, walk away, or simply ignore your partner? Blocking off conversation can be just as toxic for a relationship as contempt because it keeps you from addressing an underlying issue.

Now, here’s the good news: Don’t panic!

It’s important to keep in mind that occasionally displaying any one of these behaviors — or all of them, even — is completely normal. It’s when these negative behaviors happen so frequently that they replace more positive interactions with your partner that can be cause for concern.

Simply recognizing that you’re doing something that could be hurting your relationship is the first step to actively combating it. If you can figure out how to avoid the behavior or replace it with a more positive one, you’ll probably make the relationship even stronger.


7 Essential Relationship Skills

We’ve all seen the movie: boy meets girl, sparks fly, and they live happily ever after. But is that REALLY the way love works?

Actually, no. The truth is that you can and must IMPROVE your relationship skills – to help you find and build happiness in a long-term relationship.

Here are the 7 essential relationship skills:

1. Communication:  This category involves critically important skills: knowing how to listen, sharing your thoughts and feelings honestly, refraining from criticizing and encouraging your partner to share his or her feelings.

2. Conflict Resolution:  Conflict-resolution skills include techniques such as staying focused on the topic, staying focused on the present, being ready to forgive or apologize, knowing when to take a break.

3. Knowledge of Partner:  What’s his shirt size? What’s his favorite food? After communication, simply knowing a lot about your partner is a powerful way of showing that you care, and makes you better equipped to tend to his or her ongoing needs.

4. Life Skills:  Do you plan for emergencies? Do you exercise and stay fit? Studies show that people usually want their partners to contribute a degree of security to a long-term relationship. People also want their partners to take good care of themselves.

5. Self-Management:  This is not the same as life skills. People who are skilled at self-management take inventories of their strengths and weaknesses and always strive for improvement. They know how to interpret disturbing events in positive ways and they work hard to reach their goals.

6. Sex and Romance:  People with strong skills in these areas inquire and care about how to please their partner sexually, set aside time for intimacy, refrain from blaming their partner when sex doesn’t go smoothly, and try to stay physically attractive for their partner.

7. Stress management:  Do you know how to use breathing, meditation, or imagery techniques to help you fight stress? If you know how to avoid or fight stress, you’ll be better able to love and support your partner.