If your dating life’s not going well, there can be many reasons. One of them might be you.
No-ones perfect (in life or in love), but there are some simple – and fixable – dating mistakes that may be ruining your chances of finding a lasting relationship.
Before you throw in the towel on finding true love, try fixing these 10 common dating mistakes!
- Bad self-care habits: examples include bad breath, body odor, terrible hygiene, and lack of etiquette. They turn people off because they seem simple to attend to or address. It doesn’t take that much effort to have good hygiene. And people infer that the bad self-care habits infer something about the person’s habits in a relationship.
- Criticizing or trying to control the other person: people don’t like being told what to do, particularly at the beginning of a relationship – in general people are attracted to the opposite — positivity, optimism, and giving compliments!
- Emotional neediness: we don’t like constantly having to support someone who’s not available to support us.
- Emotional reactivity: we don’t like walking on eggshells, worried we’re going to accidentally set someone off.
- Poor grammar: surveys suggest grammar is one of the first things people use to judge a potential date. Bad grammar suggests that a potential partner has had less schooling and may not value education.
- Low self-confidence: the same surveys found that people also take into account a potential date’s self-confidence. Those with little self-confidence are likely to be anxious, perhaps even less mentally stable.
- Bad teeth: men and women with bad teeth advertise a poor diet, maybe even poor health.
- Self-absorption: people who think only of themselves and lack interest in other people tend to make poor relationship partners because they don’t care about the other person’s feelings. They’re also inconsiderate and selfish in bed.
- Extreme negativity: especially in the early phases of a relationship, we need to share positive, mutually fulfilling experiences. If one partner makes exclusive use of a relationship as a dumping ground for bad feelings, the other person has little reason to hold on.
- Contempt: research tells us that contempt in a marriage is the biggest predictor of divorce. Contempt is the opposite of kind. Being contemptuous is like pouring acid on love, and kills relationships.
Are you tired of hearing about dating ‘red flags’?
Good. Let’s talk instead about some dating ‘green flags’!
If you’re ready for a relationship, look for these 7 ‘relationship material’ qualities on your next date:
- They keep their word: their words and actions match. If they make a commitment to something, they follow through. It’s okay if not everything’s perfect, if you can count on them to try their best every time.
- They actively listen: like, really listen. They want to hear what you have to say, even when the conversations are tough. They listen extra closely when you’re distressed, because what matters to you matters to them.
- They know how to share: they listen but they communicate well, too. They express their feelings and communicate clearly. You’re able to have difficult conversations with them—money, insecurities, you name it. It’s not easy to keep a cool head in tough conversations. Give them points for this one.
- They’re sensitive to your needs: everybody has triggers and sensitivities. A good partner is aware of yours and will tailor their behavior to accommodate them. It’s not about convenience. It’s about compassion.
- They respect boundaries: just like it says, they respect your boundaries. You need friend time? Great. Alone time? Perfect. A good partner will know that when you draw a line in the sand, they should respect it. With any luck, they’ll set their own rules to reinforce strong communication in the relationship.
- They apologize: apologies are a major part of conflict resolution. I mean deep, sincere apology. It’s important to be able to admit when you’re wrong or more importantly when you’ve hurt someone. If your partner is able to let go of their pride and acknowledge fault, it’s a big deal.
- They compromise: this is really important, because no partners see eye to eye on everything. Healthy relationships are not the ones that have the most in common, but the ones most willing to meet in the middle.
Office romances can be very tricky and are generally not recommended. But they do happen – and when they do – there are three possible outcomes:
- The relationship turns sour and your reputation and career take a beating.
- it ends, but you’re both mature and cordial and don’t let the breakup affect your work.
- or things work out.
It’s up to you to figure out whether pursuing an office relationship is worth the possible consequences, good and bad. If you decide it is, here are a few “rules” you’ll want to follow to ensure things don’t go awry:
- Take it slow: try being friends inside and outside the office before you make any moves. People sometimes act differently at work than they do in their personal life. Before you risk hurting your reputation at work, find out if this person is someone you’d want to spend weekends with.
- Know the formal policy: check the company handbook to find out if there are any policies related to interoffice relationships. Even if there are no explicit policies against it, find out how upper management feels about office romances. If they’re common and happen in your workplace all the time, great. If not, maybe that’s something to consider.
- Avoid your boss or direct reports: if you’re thinking about pursuing an office romance, consider your rank or position, as well as theirs. Dating your boss or your direct report can be particularly dangerous for a variety of reasons.
- Keep things quiet early on: once you have a sense that this might have a future, talk to your partner and decide how and when you want to disclose your relationships to your colleagues. If the rumor mill goes into high gear, that might be the right time. If nobody seems to notice, there’s no reason to share.
- Get on the same page: you and your new partner need to agree on some ground rules and come up with a plan for how you will keep it professional and stay within written or unwritten rules. What will be your plan ‘B’ if the heat is on from a supervisor, from gossip, or if things go awry?
- Be professional at all times: you may have the burden of overcompensating with professionalism and keeping an artificial distance, which can be an awkward strain. Better to overcompensate than to constantly test the limits of workplace etiquette while hoping for the best.
- Be sensitive and respectful to others: focus on work and do your job – especially if you want to mitigate gossip. Talking about the relationship can be distracting or make colleagues feel uncomfortable, so don’t do it.
- Know the potential legal pitfalls: employees are generally encouraged to report incidents of sexual harassment or events that create a hostile work environment. Since the sensitivities of the workforce are varied and subjective, there’s always a risk of offending someone. One complaint to HR for PDA, showing preferential treatment, or using words of endearment in public will at the very least trigger an investigation.
- Remain focused on your work: spend your time as if you are not dating this person. Don’t get caught up in long conversations, two-hour lunches, or emailing with your partner when you should be working on projects or preparing for meetings.
- Remain ethical: it’s unfair and unethical to give your significant other’s work more attention and to make decisions that ultimately benefit them. So while it may be tempting, stop yourself before you get yourself into trouble.
- Don’t let disagreements affect your work: this may be one of the hardest rules to follow. What happens at home or in your personal life (no matter who you’re dating) almost always affects your attitude, which affects your work – it’s just a fact of life. But try your hardest not to let your disagreements with your partner affect the decisions you make or how your treat others at work.
If it feels like your dating life is bad, you’re lucky. The more difficult problem: you think its going great, when its actually not.
Online dating apps & social media can make you feel more connected – and they can be okay for dating casually or for friends. But what if you’re not meeting anyone you would consider as ‘relationship potential’?
The key to successful dating? Don’t be these 4 dating types:
- The perfectionist: the most likely place you’ll meet your dream partner? In your dreams. We all have criteria that we’re looking for in a partner – and that’s normal – but make sure your list doesn’t become so long that no-one makes the grade.
- The (overly) patient one: desperation is never a good look, and it certainly won’t lead to successful dates. But the flip side can be equally bad – waiting on your living room sofa for Mr or Ms Perfect to sweep you off your feet is a lousy strategy. Be proactive – get out with some friends, visit some new neighborhoods, go to a music festival! You may not meet your perfect match right away, but it’ll make you feel good – and that’s a very sexy quality indeed.
- The busy body: if you’re a busy professional, it can be hard to find the time to meet someone new – and spending your spare time swiping profiles on dating apps won’t help. Consider using a professional matchmaking service like Executive Search Dating. We’re specialized in helping busy people like you find compatible singles – no matter how busy you are. You’ve nothing to lose but your single life!
- Negative Nate/Nelly: dating can be frustrating, particularly when you’re not meeting the type of person your looking for – we totally get that. But beware the ‘Dating Vicious Cycle’: you’re frustrated about your dating life – your negative attitude starts making an appearance on your dates – which makes your dating life even worse – repeat. If you’re feeling down about dating, it’s okay to take a break for a while. Spend some time with people you love doing things you enjoy – putting a smile back on your face is the single best thing you can do for your dating life.
In life & in Love, your success is based on the choices you make. This year, choose happiness.
Make some simple but powerful changes to your dating approach in 2020, and make your single life a thing of the past. Here’s 7 steps to make that happen:
1. Be proactive: good things in life don’t necessarily come to those that wait. Putting yourself out there and meeting some new people is an essential element of finding someone special.
2. Be positive: everyone wants to be with someone positive and fun. Practice your smile, and avoid negative topics once you have met someone new and interesting.
3. Be the person you want to meet: in the world of matchmaking, likes often attract likes. Seek out activities and interests where you will find like minded people and your chances of meeting someone special will increase.
4. Be bold: lose your fear of rejection and try approaching someone new when you are out with friends. You will be surprised by how positive the reaction will be to a friendly smile and ‘hello’ to a stranger.
5. Mix it up: doing the same ‘ole things and expecting different results is a recipe for frustration; try going out in a new neighbourhood or a new restaurant/lounge; or go shopping in a new part of town.
6. Forget the past and don’t stress about the future: when it comes to meeting someone new, think of every occasion as a fresh opportunity to connect with someone interesting. And when you do strike up a connection, keep it positive and fun… tell a funny holiday story!
7. Hire a professional: you wouldn’t buy a house without some professional help, so why not try a Professional Matchmaking Service to help you in your search for a compatible relationship partner. Executive Search Dating is bustling with high quality singles & professionals who are eager to meet someone new this year. Contact us today to find out more!
The weather outside may be frightful, but your love life doesn’t have to be.
The holidays are actually a GREAT time to meet someone new! Here’s how:
- Volunteer for Holiday Help: give back during the holidays. Try to find out how you can help at a local toy drive or a homeless shelter. You may meet someone who shares your interest in charitable work.
- Go to holiday events throughout the city: no matter where you live, your community is bound to be alive with holiday cheer. Head to your local city center and take in the lights and the festivities. There’s something about a festive event that brings people out. Maybe you’ll meet someone new!
- Be the (Xmas) party: instead of waiting for someone to throw a Christmas party, throw one yourself. Be sure to ask your friends to invite their single friends too.
- Office parties: of course, do attend your own office party, but avoid making a scene you’ll later regret. A friend’s office party, however, can be a more relaxed and effective way to meet other single professionals.
- Hire a professional: professional matchmaking services like Executive Search Dating consider December to be peak dating season, with lots of busy singles and professionals looking to meet new people. Contact us today – you have nothing to lose but your single life!
Sometimes, your date is over before it even begins.
First impressions matter, in dating & in life. Giving someone the wrong impression about you at the start of your date can ruin your chances – even if you’re both actually a perfect match!
But here’s the good news: you can control the first impression you present to your date & INCREASE your chances of a love connection. Here’s how:
- Worth it: showing up tired or disheveled will send a clear message that you’re just not into them (even if you are ). Make an effort.
- Trust: being true to your word helps build trust; constantly re-scheduling your date sends the opposite message. Make your plan, then make it happen.
- Respect: showing up late to your date sends a subtle message that your time is worth more than theirs. Be on time.
- Life together: your appearance matters, and says a lot about who and where you are in life. Do your best to look your best.
- Smart: holding someone’s gaze while you’re talking sends a message that you’re smart. Stay focused on them, and they’ll be focused on you.
- Confident: nerves are a natural part of a first date, but smiling sends a message of confidence, the sexiest quality of all.
- Kind: holding the door & saying thank you (to your date and the restaurant staff) sends a message that you’re kind – and who doesn’t want to spend time with someone kind?
- Interesting: be prepared with some interesting conversation topics; ideally ones that you know your date will be interested in too. Boring someone into submission is a terrible strategy.
- Interested: active listening is the key to a real connection and, ultimately, a successful date (and relationship). Listen at least as much as you talk on your date.
- Serious: if you’re date’s going well, don’t wait until the next day or even the end of the date to propose a 2nd date. You’ll never have a better chance.
- Sincere: tell a story that tells your date something about you – perhaps a recent travel story, or a concert/movie you saw recently and loved (and why). Hint: avoid negative topics or overly personal stories; at least on a first date.
If you’re ready for a relationship. You must learn the skill (and art) of ‘positive dating’.
What on earth is ‘positive dating’ you ask?
It’s dating with intention. Dating with purpose. And dating that will lead you to a relationship. (and yes, its also a lot of fun).
Sound complicated? Well, its not. Here’s 6 ways to turn your date into a relationship:
- Seriously: if you’re looking for something serious, be serious about dating. No, that doesn’t mean turning your dates into ‘interviews for the life partner position’ – it means: be true to your word, treat your date with the respect they deserve, and go on 2nd and 3rd dates whenever possible.
- Look the part: if you show up sloppy and disheveled on your date, you’ll soon have plenty of time to freshen up – at home, alone after a failed first date. Put some effort into your appearance; it sends your date a message of respect (and you’ll probably look good too).
- Be positive: an essential element to ‘positive dating’ is being positive. Complaining about your job, or your lousy dating life on a date will lead to one sure thing – that trend will continue with this failed date. People want to be around positive people – be that person.
- Give it time: no matter how well (or poorly) a first or second date goes, you’ll likely not know for sure whether you’re a good match or not. Your best best: see your date again (and again) – even if it doesn’t turn into a love connection, you might just make a new friend out of it – and maybe they’ll know someone who’s perfect for you!
- End well leads to all well: regardless of how your date goes, make every effort to end it on a positive note – even if one or both of you realize there’s just no chance of chemistry. Sending someone a nice text or message thanking them for the date, and wishing them the best in their search can go a long way to your own future dating success.
- Visualize success: nothing good ever comes from imagining the worst outcome. Imagine your date going well – prepare accordingly and look the part – and it probably will. If you’re feeling down about dating (and your dates), consider taking a break from dating for a while until you’re feeling more positive. If that doesn’t work, hire a dating professional (like Executive Search Dating) and we’ll help get your love life back on track in no time flat! Contact us today to get things started.
Is your dating life frustrating?
You’re not alone!
Dating CAN be frustrating, particularly if you’re a busy professional who’s ready for a serious relationship.
Here’s 5 times you should consider QUITTING online dating and meeting with a professional matchmaker:
- Time is money: when you’re a busy single or professional, you don’t have time for bad dates. Hiring someone who can do all the leg work & introduce you to compatible singles that have real relationship potential just makes sense (& cents). Period.
- Screening matters: part of meeting your special someone is meeting people that have the basic qualities you’re looking for in a relationship partner. Going on 10 online dates that don’t have the qualities you’re looking for doesn’t help you find someone special. In fact, it may lead you to give up on your search. Having a professional matchmaker pre-screen your matches for you can help.
- Safety matters: when you’re meeting matches who may or may not be who they claim to be, its hard not to be a bit nervous (particularly if you’re a woman). Being a bit nervous on a first date isn’t always a bad thing – sometimes it means you’re excited. But being nervous about your own safety is never a good thing.
- Easy does it: finding time in your busy schedule to arrange a date can be a real challenge. If you’re both busy its twice as hard. Having a professional matchmaker take care of all the date arrangements makes dating easier – which means you’re more likely to show up on your date in a positive frame of mind. This can increase your chances of a love connection.
- Fine tuning: finding someone special isn’t always easy, particularly if you’re working off a fixed set of criteria that never change. Giving post date feedback to a professional matchmaker can help them (and you!) fine tune your criteria to increase the chances of finding your perfect match.
You’ve just finished your date, and it feels like things went great! But when you text your new flame later, they say they’re just not that into you… what gives!?
What happened is the date went great for YOU, but not for YOUR DATE.
Here’s 7 signs you’re a bad date, and how to fix it… fast!
- Late, far from great: you may have a good reason for showing up late on a first or second date, but here’s what your date thinks – they are clearly not as important as the other things you had to do which made you late. If you’re tired of being single, start by showing up on time on your date.
- The world’s sweetest (worst) sound: saying someone’s name (correctly) is one of the sweetest sounds your date will hear. Forgetting or repeatedly mispronouncing their name is probably the worst. Yes, its the simplest of things. And yes it matters (a lot).
- All about me: talking about yourself the whole date probably sounds good to you; but likely not your date. If your date is serious about finding someone, they’ll likely want to feel that they can have their say too… let them speak.
- Nothing about me: on the other hand, not talking about yourself at all is not the answer. This can come across as being guarded, which might lead your date to think you’re not interested in them (even if you are). Tell some funny stories about yourself or what you like to do; nothing too serious on a first or second date though.
- Distracted dating: focus on the person you’re with on your date. Checking out other people at the restaurant or – worse yet – hitting on the staff or bartender, will have you back home (alone) in no time flat.
- Bored to dating death: not everyone is equipped with a wicked sense of humor, or an amazing array of fascinating travel stories. But here’s what everyone does have: functioning ears. Put them to use by LISTENING to your date, which will uncover subjects that interest THEM. Next step, talk about that subject and show genuine interest.
- The three day rule is dating history: in today’s world, waiting some proscribed amount of time to let someone know you enjoyed your date (1 day, 3 days, 1 week, etc.) just won’t cut it. No relationship in the history of the world ever failed to launch because someone reached out too soon after their first date to say how much they enjoyed themselves. In today’s smartphone obsessed world, 3 days can feel like 3 weeks. If you liked your date, let them know (and suggest an idea for your 2nd date). In love and in life, fortune favors the bold!