Category Archives: Executive Search Dating: The dating blog

10 Ways To Meet Someone New This Holiday Season

The holidays have arrived, complete with images of happy couples and families celebrating together. But what if you’re single? Well, there’s good news!

Canadians can be notoriously chilly when it comes to meeting new people, but that all changes when Santa comes to town.

The secret to finding your special someone under the Xmas tree this year?
• Dust off your party clothes! The holidays are peak party season’, so take advantage of it!
• Channel your Christmas Cheer! People are feeling friendly this time of year, so use the ‘magic’ holiday season approach line – “Merry Christmas” – early & often.

Here’s 10 ways to meet someone new this holiday season:

1. Get your (Xmas) party on:  instead of waiting for someone to throw a Christmas party, throw one yourself. Be sure to ask your friends to invite their single friends too.

2. The Year’s Best Approach Line:  and it only comes around once a year – “Merry Christmas” – use it early and often at every social event and situation this year, and Christmas cheer will soon follow.

3. More grins, less Grinch:  being negative is rarely a good approach in meeting someone new, particularly at Christmas. Unless you’ve decided that you want to remain single forever, put on a brave and positive face and you’ll make a far better impression.

4. More ‘yes’, less ‘no’:  don’t be afraid to double book yourself – it’s peak party season but that doesn’t mean you have to commit one entire evening to one party. Pop by a few parties – the more the merrier – but be sure to ask for that special someone’s number before you go.

5. Learn how to mingle like Kris Kringle:  the key to meeting someone new at a busy party is to not spend the whole night talking to one person (particularly if you already know them and they’re not single). Do the rounds when you arrive; you can always come back later for a longer chat with someone interesting.

6. Tag along:  who says you only have to go to friends’ parties? In fact, the chances of meeting new people are increased when you go to a party of people you don’t know. If you find yourself at a loss for words – refer to point #2 above!

7. Office events, but not yours:  of course do attend your own office party, but avoid making a scene you’ll later regret. A friend’s office party, however, can be a more relaxed and effective way to meet other single professionals.

8. Be like Rudolf (and light the way):  if there’s someone you’ve been meaning to ask out, a fun Christmas party or holiday event might be just that perfect occasion. Hint: an event with your family is almost certainly not!

9. Hire a Professional:  Professional Matchmaking Services like Executive Search Dating consider December to be ‘peak dating season’, with lots of busy singles & professionals looking to meet new people. Give us a call, you have nothing to lose but your single life!

10. Turn the page:  the holidays can be busy (and stressful) for some, so don’t add to that stress by worrying about meeting your perfect match before Christmas Day. Look to meet some new people during the holiday season, and be open to re-connecting with them in January, when everyone’s social calendar goes from being “Busy” to “Empty”!

4 Behaviors That Predict Divorce

Your relationship is not perfect.

But no-ones perfect, so expecting your relationship to be perfect is probably not the right approach.

However, relationship psychologists can predict which marriages will end in divorce 93% of the time.

How? By looking out for these 4 ‘relationship-killing’ behaviors. Learn them & avoid them at all costs:

  1. Contempt:  a virulent mix of anger and disgust, contempt is far more toxic than simple frustration or negativity. It involves seeing your partner as beneath you, rather than as an equal. Basically, contempt is “the kiss of death” for a relationship.
  2. Criticism:  like contempt, criticism involves turning a behavior (something your partner did) into a statement about his or her character (the type of person he or she is). Over time, these personal detractions can add up, feeding darker feelings of resentment and contempt.
  3. Defensiveness:  if you find yourself regularly playing the victim in tough situations with your partner, you might be guilty of being defensive. Couples who divorce within the first several years of their marriage — one of the times when divorce rates are highest — “entering negativity is like stepping into a quicksand bog. It’s easy to enter but hard to exit.”
  4. Stonewalling:  you know when an argument is about to start. You can feel your heart rate increase and your voice get just a tiny bit louder. But the moment things start to get heated, do you pull out your phone, walk away, or simply ignore your partner? Blocking off conversation can be just as toxic for a relationship as contempt because it keeps you from addressing an underlying issue.

Now, here’s the good news: Don’t panic!

It’s important to keep in mind that occasionally displaying any one of these behaviors — or all of them, even — is completely normal. It’s when these negative behaviors happen so frequently that they replace more positive interactions with your partner that can be cause for concern.

Simply recognizing that you’re doing something that could be hurting your relationship is the first step to actively combating it. If you can figure out how to avoid the behavior or replace it with a more positive one, you’ll probably make the relationship even stronger.

 

7 Essential Relationship Skills

We’ve all seen the movie: boy meets girl, sparks fly, and they live happily ever after. But is that REALLY the way love works?

Actually, no. The truth is that you can and must IMPROVE your relationship skills – to help you find and build happiness in a long-term relationship.

Here are the 7 essential relationship skills:

1. Communication:  This category involves critically important skills: knowing how to listen, sharing your thoughts and feelings honestly, refraining from criticizing and encouraging your partner to share his or her feelings.

2. Conflict Resolution:  Conflict-resolution skills include techniques such as staying focused on the topic, staying focused on the present, being ready to forgive or apologize, knowing when to take a break.

3. Knowledge of Partner:  What’s his shirt size? What’s his favorite food? After communication, simply knowing a lot about your partner is a powerful way of showing that you care, and makes you better equipped to tend to his or her ongoing needs.

4. Life Skills:  Do you plan for emergencies? Do you exercise and stay fit? Studies show that people usually want their partners to contribute a degree of security to a long-term relationship. People also want their partners to take good care of themselves.

5. Self-Management:  This is not the same as life skills. People who are skilled at self-management take inventories of their strengths and weaknesses and always strive for improvement. They know how to interpret disturbing events in positive ways and they work hard to reach their goals.

6. Sex and Romance:  People with strong skills in these areas inquire and care about how to please their partner sexually, set aside time for intimacy, refrain from blaming their partner when sex doesn’t go smoothly, and try to stay physically attractive for their partner.

7. Stress management:  Do you know how to use breathing, meditation, or imagery techniques to help you fight stress? If you know how to avoid or fight stress, you’ll be better able to love and support your partner.

5 “Relationship Red Flags” That Aren’t As Big A Deal As You Think

Your perfect match is out there, but they’re probably not perfect.

Those qualities that you THINK are the most important for your relationship success, probably aren’t.

Most importantly, beware of false ‘relationship red flags’ – start by ignoring these 5:

  1. “Fit” to be tied?:  a lot of people think that it’s necessary to date someone who shares their same exact health and exercise values, but you don’t need that for a good relationship. As long as your partner respects your fitness goals (or lack thereof), and you respect theirs, your relationship should be fine.
  2. Miseducation?:  not all education happens at a prestigious university – there’s lots of successful & very smart people who were too busy building a successful life or business to spend years in a university or college.  Instead of getting fixated on degrees and pedigree, try to focus on what your potential partner is doing with their life now.
  3. Out of fashion?:  just because fashion is important for you, it doesn’t mean it has to be important for your partner, and it doesn’t mean you won’t have a great relationship. There is one standard that you should always hold your date to, however – hygiene. Clothes can change. Hygiene is harder.
  4. Living separately together?:  having separate friends is healthy and it will only benefit the relationship in the long run if you don’t do everything together.  Making a point to spend some time with your friends without your partner, and vice versa, is a great way to avoid isolation and losing touch with your friends in your relationship.
  5. Reaching for greater heights?:  if you’re looking for a lasting relationship (not just a casual fling), height should not be a huge concern. Personality, character, values & shared life goals are far more important for a successful relationship than someones height could ever be.

4 Things You Can Say That Will Make Your Date Love You

When you’re on a date, chemistry matters. But what makes chemistry happen?

Is it looks? Or personality? Or scent, smile, conversation, or just blind luck. The answer: yes!

But whatever the situation, you can INCREASE the chances of real chemistry happening by what you SAY on your date.

But what exactly should you say? These 4 things:

  1. “You”:  the most powerful word in the English language is ‘you’. Why? Because by saying it you’re sending a message that your date matters to you. The more your date feels like you care about them (not just yourself), the greater will be the chances of a successful first date, and beyond.
  2. “I agree”:  a good conversation doesn’t always have to be agreeable, but on a first or second date it should be. Avoid dicey subjects like politics, relationships or family, and find subjects you both love talking about: travelling, movies, food, music, etc.
  3. “You look fantastic”:  a sincere compliment goes a long way, especially when you’ve just met someone. But here’s the catch – it has to be sincere. Find something you like about them (their attire, scent, shoes, etc.). If you can’t find one single thing to compliment them about, consider it a bad sign – for you & them.
  4. “I’m having a great time”:  if your dates going well, tell them so! No need to wait for 24, 48 or 72 hours – your best chance of making a great first impression, and getting to a second & third date & beyond – is when you’re having fun on your first date. If they agree, plan your second date right then and there. Time (and love) waits for no-one, and it won’t wait for you.

6 Things You Can Say On A Date That Kill Your Chances Of Finding Someone Special

When you’re on a first or second date, words matter. They really, really do.

Why? Because the person you’re with doesn’t really know you yet. So saying the wrong thing just might be the end of the line – even if you’re actually a great ‘relationship match’.

How do you avoid this dating disaster? Start by NOT saying these 6 chemistry-killing things on your date:

  1. The ‘Ex’ factor:  talking about your past relationship(s) will almost certainly ensure one thing – you won’t be starting another relationship anytime soon. Stop it.
  2. Politically incorrect:  talking about your political views will likely lead to one of two outcomes – you’ll turn your date off (most likely); or, less likely, you’ll both agree on everything and spend your date talking politics. Now tell me, does that sound sexy to you?
  3. All job no (love) life:  you’ve got a stressful job and you need to talk about it – I get it. but your date likely won’t, nor should they. Chemistry usually happens when you’re smiling, so forget your job stress and lose the frown.
  4. One more thing:  having something (positive) to say on your date is important – but its also possible to talk too much, particularly if you don’t let your date get a word in edge wise. Aim for a 50/50 balance of talking and active listening.
  5. My God:  if religion is an important (or very unimportant) part of your life, you’ll need to discuss that with your future relationship partner. But bringing religion up on a first or second date is not the right approach. There’ll be a time to discuss deeper matters like religion with your partner, but a first or second date is not that time. Get to know each other first.
  6. Our future together:  if your date is going well and you’re REALLY attracted to the person you’re with, its easy to start talking about your future plans together. Hint: don’t. The only future plans you can (and should) talk about is the next date. Talking about where you’ll travel together & how many kids you’ll have is not only presumptuous, its creepy.

7 Signs Your Relationship Wouldn’t Survive Long Distance

Some relationships are built to last. Some are bound to fail. The question is: how do you know?

Long-distance relationships can work. But if you and your partner aren’t on the same page – at least not yet – they can also be doomed.

But how can you tell if your relationship can survive the ‘long-distance test’? Here’s the 7 signs:

  1. Trust is a must:  no matter where they are, you should trust your significant other in order for you to be together. If that’s not (yet) the case, take a step back and communicate openly with each other to understand the reason why.
  2. The future unknown:  healthy communication is essential to making long-distance relationships work, so make sure that you’re at least attempting to form some sort of plan. How often will you see each other, when will you live together, etc.
  3. No compromise:  if you can’t come to an agreement or compromise when it comes to your plans, it could be a danger sign of troubles ahead.
  4. You’re not being honest:  As they say, it’s the best policy. That phrase is especially true in long-distance relationships. Whether it’s your annoyance with your partner missing your calls or your feelings of sadness without them by your side, you should be able to talk it out, discuss, and come close to some sort of healthy conclusion.
  5. You expect perfection:  nobody’s perfect. Your relationship and your partner aren’t exceptions to the rule. In fact, when you’re entering unfamiliar territory, there’s plenty of room for imperfection. Expect a few moments of frustration, annoyance, and confusion during long distance. It’s all part of the learning process.
  6. You’re just not willing to try:  you need to work toward having a very strong, solid base to your relationship when you’re long distance. Be open, honest, and trusting. Take the time to figure out how and when is best to communicate with each other. Work at making each other feel special, even without seeing each other. All the things you work on during a normal relationship will need extra effort for in a long distance relationship.
  7. You’re not hopeful or positive about being together:  if there is no bright side, then it might be time to re-evaluate why exactly you’re doing this in the first place and whether or not your relationship comes from a healthy, positive, and fulfilling place.

5 Questions You Should Ask At The Beginning Of A Relationship

You’ve been dating for a while, but now you’ve met someone special & you’re ready to start a relationship together. Fantastic!

Yes, it’s time to celebrate… but its also time for some serious questions.

Which questions? Start with these 5:

  1. Are you being genuine?:  do you feel completely comfortable being yourself with your special someone? Being genuine with your partner is a a must-have, particularly if you’re thinking long term. The same goes for your partner too.
  2. What’s your definition of a relationship?:  do you consider a relationship a stepping stone towards marriage, or the end goal? Is a relationship just a different type of dating – or is it ‘the real thing’? There’s no right or wrong answer – but it is important that you’re both on the same page here.
  3. What will happen when you don’t see eye-to-eye?:  its hard to think about this when you’ve just started seeing someone seriously, but conflict resolution is one of the most important factors in successful (or unsuccessful) relationships. No, you don’t have to agree on everything, but find a way to disagree without being disagreeable.
  4. What are your core beliefs?:  you don’t need to share each and every one of your partners life goals or passions – but you should know what they are and be willing to support them (and they yours). Successful relationships are all about give and take – if you want to get your way all the time, you may find yourself alone for a long, long time.
  5. Do you like each other?:  you love each other – but do you also like each other? No matter how strong your physical chemistry, that will fade over time. What’s left is what really matters – do you like being around each other & do you consider each other your best friends?

You Might Be More To Blame For Your “Lousy Love Life” Than You Think

Have you ever asked yourself: “Why does my love life suck?”… the answer might be staring right back at you in the mirror.

Dating can be hard, particularly if you’re busy and looking for something real; and don’t want to waste endless hours searching online dating sites.

But here’s the good news: you are in charge of your love life. It may not feel that way, but its true.

How you ask? Simply follow this 5-step formula, and your love life will be back on track before you know it:

  1. Your most important asset:  your health and wellness is the most important thing in your love life (and your life). If you wake up in the morning and feel terrible, your love life will simply not happen. Start taking better care of yourself –  take a yoga or dance class, go hiking, hit the gym – it’ll make you feel (and look) great… soon, your love life will too.
  2. Focus on what you can control:  worrying about meeting your special someone won’t by itself make that person appear. But here’s what will – next time you’re out socially, approach someone new and say ‘hello’. It’ll feel awkward at first, but before long it’ll become more natural. Maybe you won’t meet that special person right away, but it’ll make you feel good about yourself – and that’s a great start.
  3. Lose the attitude:  here’s who doesn’t want to hear about your lousy love life – that person sitting right in front of you. If there’s one sure-fire chemistry killer, it’s complaining about your dating life while on a date. Keep it positive. If you don’t feel positive – fake it!
  4. It doesn’t matter what you do, just do:  there’s all kind of ways to meet someone new besides online dating – take a cooking, dance or sailing class, attend an art gallery opening or another cultural event; or try dinner or drinks someplace new with a few friendly friends (single & non-single alike). Find something you like doing & there’s a good chance you’ll meet like-minded people there too.
  5. Get serious:  you wouldn’t buy a house without some professional help would you? Then why not hire a Professional Matchmaking Service (like Executive Search Dating) to help screen & select matches that are right for you. There’s a reason why matchmaking services are thriving these days – they work! Contact us today at info@executivesearchdating.com and we’ll start matching you with fantastic, relationship ready singles right away. You’ve nothing to lose but your single life.

The Science Of “Happily Ever After”: 3 Things That Keep Love Alive

Its been said: you spend half your life finding love; and half your life trying to keep it alive.

So what’s the secret to “happily ever after”?

Its not magic, but its not automatic – here’s 3 things that will keep your love alive:

  1. Work it:  if you’re looking for a ‘quick & easy’ solution for long term relationship bliss, I have some sobering news – successful couples work at it. A lot. Here’s the problem with ‘magical’ romantic chemistry – it can disappear as quickly as it came. Focus on those things you can control, like how much effort you put into making your relationship work.
  2. Don’t fix the bad. Increase the good:  relationships don’t fail because of an increase in conflict, but because of a decrease in positive feelings about your partner. Stop trying to change each other – you are who you both are, that won’t change – and focus instead on doing things together that make you happy: travel, movies, culture, outdoor activities, dancing, or even curling up occasionally with a glass of wine and Netflix.
  3. Forget romance. Think excitement:  remember your first date? I’ll bet it was fun & even exciting – now you’re on the right track! Yes, chilling on a sofa and watching a movie is fine, but whenever and wherever you get the chance, do something exciting. Take a trip somewhere you’ve never been, go to concert or a comedy show. Life (and love) is to be lived.