Category Archives: Executive Search Dating Victoria

People Come In 4 Types — And Two Of Them Tend To Make The Best Match

There are lots of things that determine a couple’s long-term compatibility – their values, their goals, their idea of fun, their commitment to work.

But what also matters is what “type” you are – and what “type” is your partner. Some types go together like bread & butter. Others like oil & water.

So which type are you, and what does this mean for your relationship potential?

Depending on how you answer the question “how do you respond to expectations”,  you are one of 4 types:

  • Upholders generally meet both inner and outer expectations, meaning they don’t let others or themselves down.
  • Questioners meet inner expectations; they’ll only do something if they think it makes sense.
  • Obligers (the biggest category) meet outer expectations but don’t always meet inner ones; they usually need some form of external accountability.
  • Rebels resist both inner and outer expectations; if you ask a rebel to do something, they’ll likely resist.

So which pair is the best match? Rebels and Obligers.

Why?  Because Obligers can stomach Rebels’ constant resistance – and even enjoy it – whereas Questioners and Upholders would go nuts.

Ultimately, Rebels and Obligers have something in common. Both resist inner expectation and this gives them this feeling that the world is pushing on them and they want to push back.

Pushing back is harder for Obligers than for rebels, which means the Rebel partner can help the Obliger partner do what they’d really like to.

Of course, your tendency isn’t the only factor that determines the success of your relationship. But it’s probably an under-appreciated one.

 

 

3 Invaluable Dating Habits That Get Easier Over Time

You’ve been dating & you’re serious about finding a relationship partner? Good.

Learning from your dates, so that you INCREASE your chances of truly connecting with someone special? Great!

Successful dating isn’t complicated – it actually comes down to 3 key dating habits. Here they are!

  1. Put yourself out there:  if you’ve been single for a while & not meeting anyone, dating can feel daunting. But it doesn’t have to be. Getting yourself out there is the first (and most important) step – you’ve nothing to lose but your single life.
  2. Practice makes perfect:  making small talk with someone new doesn’t always feel natural – but here’s the thing: awkward (or bad) conversation on a first or second date can be a real chemistry killer. Think of some interesting stories and topics that you enjoy and try them out on your date.
  3. Embrace the journey & you’ll reach your destination:  if you’ve been dating for a while – or using dating apps – it can be easy to fall into “the dating vicious cycle” (you’re unhappy with your dating life – you show it on your date – your date doesn’t go well – repeat). Its time you break this cycle – be positive & the best version of you on your date (whether you feel chemistry or not) and you’ll soon enter “the dating virtuous cycle” (you’re positive & fun on your date – your date goes well and leads to a 2nd or 3rd date – which makes you feel even more positive and fun on your next date – repeat – repeat – relationship!).

8 Ways To Meet Someone Special That Don’t Involve Online Dating

You’re ready for a relationship but tired of online dating. Its time you tried something new.

Not all ways of meeting people happen online – in fact, the best ones don’t.

But where can you find other fabulous singles just like you? Here’s 8 proven ways:

  1. Have a hobby:  where can you find someone like-minded? Doing something that you love, and they love doing too! Cooking classes, hiking, an art exhibit… it doesn’t matter what it is; what’s important is that you like doing it.
  2. Go wine tasting:  most of us wouldn’t approach someone up in a bar. But at a wine tasting evening the lovely liquid is a prop, a shared interest, and a conversational lubricant. P.S. Scotch tastings work too!
  3. Head to an alumni event:  attend a school, work or university networking event and reignite your mind; and just maybe, your love life too.
  4. Can you gig it?:  there is something about a grubby yet creative space that loosens people up. Pick a small-ish, intimate gig where you can chat music, spill your beer and swap festival anecdotes.
  5. Go solo:  whether you want to chill out on a beach, brush up on your yoga or climb a mountain, there are plenty of holidays out there for solo holiday goers where you can meet some top-notch singles.
  6. Attend a trendy singles event:  hipster-approved singles events are jumping out of the woodwork at a surprising rate. Find one that seems fun to you, and bring a friend or two along.
  7. Say ‘Yes’:  stop saying ‘no’ when friends or co-workers ask you out. Your chances of meeting someone when you’re out having a good time are as high as they’ll ever be.
  8. Hire a Matchmaker:  there’s a reason why the matchmaking industry is exploding right now – because matchmaking works – especially if you’re a busy professional or entrepreneur, or if you value privacy & screening! Contact us today and we’ll get you started meeting fabulous singles right away.

 

The 5 Most Important Things To Look For In A Partner

You’ve met someone new and you’re ready to take the next step – a relationship!

But what should you be looking for to tell if they’re truly ‘The One’ for you?

Well, there’s not just one thing. There’s 5 – and here they are:

  1. The same direction in life:  its important that two people have similar goals and trajectories for their lives. When your both heading in the same direction, you’re likely to end up in the same destination – happiness.
  2. Chemistry:  it might go without saying, but chemistry is a key element in successful relationships. It can take time to become evident, especially if you or your date are too nervous in the beginning to be yourselves, but it has to be present (at least a little bit to start). Don’t forget, chemistry that starts small but grows over time lasts for a long, long time.
  3. Looks & similar place in life:  two pillars of a successful match are looks and status (ie. where you are in life). If those two factors align, it’s likely that the rest will, too. Matchmakers often say: “If people like the way the person looks, they will like the person. If you’re relatively the same status, you will be happy.”
  4. Common interests:  maybe you both like cooking and share new recipes with each other. Maybe you enjoy hiking or hate-watching bad movies. Whatever it is that brings you together, there should be something that you both can talk about and partake in. Matchmakers often say: “They have to have enough in common to have a conversation and also to teach each other different things.”
  5. The intangibles:  some of the traits on this list are temporary, and that’s okay. While looks, status, and interests can change, they’re still important catalysts for sparking a connection and bringing people closer together. But even before these things begin to fade, look for someone who demonstrates evergreen qualities like kindness and respect. Matchmakers often say: “You don’t really need perfect teeth and broad shoulders when you’re 70 years old, but you should be looking for someone that genuinely respects you and makes you laugh and is kind. That’s what we find are the most important traits to look for in a match, are really the intangible.”

7 Simple Strategies To Help You Find Love

You’re single & ready to find your relationship – but where to start?

Here’s the truth: where you start doesn’t matter.  Any road will take you there, you just need the right strategy to find your special someone.

Here’s 7 simple strategies to help you find love:

1. THE ‘YOU’LL FIND LOVE WHEN YOU’RE NOT LOOKING’ APPROACH MAY BE WRONG:  that’s like saying, “You’ll find a job when you’re least looking for it,” it’s possible, but rarely happens. Be proactive!

2. GO WHERE PEOPLE LIKE THE SAME THINGS YOU LIKE:  you can skip singles events if you don’t like them, but you have to go where you can meet people. Join social groups or meet-ups; be a worker bee in a cause you believe in; get involved in political parties. At the very least, you’re doing something you like and at the very best, you’ll meet somebody like-minded.

3. DON’T SEEK ROMANCE, SEEK PARTNERSHIP:  romance is for dates, and it’s fun to have on occasion in your marriage, but it’s partnership that will get you through the rough times. Don’t look for someone who sweeps you off your feet. Look for someone who likes give-and-take, who seeks your opinion and considers it, who cares about what you want, too.

4. HAPPY PEOPLE ATTRACT PEOPLE:  maybe the biggest issue in not being able to find love is that you’re not feeling good about yourself. Like yourself and like your life — really work on that. You have to be the person that you’d want to meet. If you’re not a happy, positive, self-confident person, you cut your chances of being in the right space for the right kind of person.

5. INSTANT SEXUAL ATTRACTION OFTEN FADES:  most good love is a slow burn — it takes a while to develop. Attraction is important, but you don’t have to feel it right away since that instant spark is more about lust and less about the stuff of real relationships. Emotion can change and deepen over time so give people a fair shot.

6. BEWARE OF THE ‘OPPOSITES ATTRACT’ THEORY:  opposites attract at first, but they’ll likely face major friction points down the road. Like-minded people actually make for easier and healthy long-term relationships. The more you see eye-to-eye on, the less there is to argue and compromise about.

7. HIRE A PROFESSIONAL:  who says you have to go it alone? If you’re too busy to meet people on your own – or just not meeting the right type of person – consider hiring a professional matchmaker. You’ve nothing to lose but your single life! Contact us today at:  ExecutiveSearchDating.com to learn more.

6 Things You’re Doing That Will Kill Your Relationship

Do you want to find the person of your dreams? Then be the person of their dreams.

Often, the biggest obstacle to relationship bliss is NOT your partner, its you. Maybe its time you take a step back, and get out of the way of your own happiness.

But how you ask? Start by stopping these 6 relationship-killing behaviours:

1. Stop sulking:  repeat after me: Sulking is not communication. Sulking is not communication. Sulking is not communication. Sure, your partner may eventually figure out that you’re pissed off when you cross your arms and pout, but you come across looking like a petulant child. Playing the wounded victim is neither cute or sexy. If you’re upset about something, take a breath and communicate. Here are the steps: Put on your adult pants. Open your mouth. Say something honest in a reasonable tone. Now, listen.

2. Stop trying to change your person:  I know you hate it when they lose their car keys again. While her absent-minded professor act was one of the reasons you initially found her so adorable, it stops being cute when you’re both late for a movie because you’re rifling through the couch cushions. But stop driving yourself crazy thinking that it’s going to change!

Most of the time, what we love about our partner also becomes that thing that also drives us absolutely mental. Take a breath and step back. Rather than wishing things were different, remember that your person wouldn’t be your person without their odd little quirks. And if you start feeling righteous, take a step back and think about all of the stuff that they’re putting up with right now, too.

3. Stop spending so much time together:  I know, I know, falling in love is so romantic! And when you do fall hard, you often want to merge with your new person. But pull back and take a breath. Coming up for air occasionally reminds you that you already have a life and -god forbid – if the relationship ends, you will have a life again. A little distance makes the heart grow fonder and allows you to appreciate your person a bit more. And wouldn’t you know, they’ll likely appreciate you just a bit more too.

4. Don’t sweat the small stuff:  Mom was right: don’t sweat the small stuff. When you freak out every time your partner leaves a dish in the sink, you’re basically sending them a message that being a control freak is more important than their feelings. Everyone in the relationship is trying their best: creating some wiggle room for human difference is part of relationship compromise.

Create boundaries when it’s important (“How about not leaving dishes in the sink for more than four days”), but give your person the benefit of the doubt when you can. A little latitude goes a long way. And when you can let the small stuff go, you’ll have the bandwidth for a meaningful discussion when something that actually is important comes up.

5. Don’t ignore bids for affection:  people communicate their love in different ways. Some buy gifts, others say nice stuff, some like physical affection, other people like doing activities together. It’s important to have these gestures acknowledged. However, it may not always be obvious when your person is reaching out for your attention. For example, they may say, “Wow, look at that bird over there,” and secretly mean, “I really want to share a moment with you so I’m finding something to connect with you about.” Even if you think it’s a dumb bird, respond to their intention rather than the content. Remember to appreciate all the small moments of connection that you have.

6. Love the one you’re with:  your presence and attention is the most powerful gift that you can give someone. If you’re hanging out with your honey and are constantly checking your texts and insta-feeds, you’re waving a huge red flag that says, “You’re not important to me.” Put your phone down (hey, turn it off) and have some real time with another human.

While being alert for these relationship buzz kills doesn’t guarantee that you’ll live happily ever after, it will certainly give you a better shot. By being on the lookout for bad behaviour, you will proactively derail those insidious bad habits that can so frequently undercut a good relationship. And in the process, you’ll get to know yourself better too.

How To Impress Your Date In 10 Seconds

“You never get a second chance to make a good first impression”… so the expression goes.

This is true in life, and in dating… here are some quick and easy ways to make a GREAT first impression on your date:

  1. Dress for success: taking the time to dress nicely for your date is the first and most important element of a successful first date impression.
  2. Be on time: the most basic of all courtesies is to show your enthusiasm by being on time, or even a few minutes early for your date.  Good manners are a turn on for both sexes.
  3. Don’t worry, be happy: a wide smile and a warm and confident greeting sends a positive message that you are truly excited to meet someone.  Be it a hand shake or hug, make it firm but not crushing.
  4. The power of a sincere compliment: everyone wants to feel good about themselves.  Giving someone a sincere compliment (on how nice they look, or on a particularly appealing fashion accessory, etc.) is bound to make someone look more favorably upon you.

Dating Lies And How To Spot Them

It could be said there are 3 types of lies – lies, damn lies and dating lies. Half-truths, non-truths, supposed truths; all are a regular feature in the world of dating.

Successful dating starts with separating dating fact vs. dating fiction. Here are some classic ‘dating lies’ and tips on how you can spot them, and overcome them:

  1. The Internet has made it easier to meet your special someone: online dating and other modern ‘dating innovations’ can in some cases make it easier to meet people, but the lack of screening can make it challenging to meet someone truly compatible with you. Focus on meeting relationship-minded matches that have your basic criteria and you’ll get better dating results.
  2. All the good single people have been taken: in fact, the number of single people has stayed relatively consistent over the years or, in some cases, even increased. However busy singles tend to steer clear of singles bars and often don’t have the time or energy for online dating. Mixing up your approach is a good way to overcome this – ie. if you are looking to meet other single professionals, head out for drinks after work at a popular downtown drinks spot on a weeknight and you’ll find a very different selection of singles than you might otherwise find at a bar on the weekend.
  3. The male to female ratio in Vancouver & Victoria is ‘way out of whack’: again, the truth is that the number of single women and men in the city is roughly equal and has always been so – if you don’t agree then go to a popular sports lounge on a hockey night (where you’ll find mostly men) or a wine tasting event (where you’ll find many women). Be creative in your search and attend some events that move you out of your comfort zone (an art exhibit, a poetry recital, a karaoke lounge, etc.), and you’ll increase the chances of meeting someone new.
  4. Chemistry has to be incredible on a first date or its not worth pursuing a second date: actually, true chemistry can’t always be determined on a first meeting. Look at a first date simply as a chance to meet someone new and, unless you are absolutely certain that you’re not interested in them, arrange to meet someone in a relaxed setting for a second or third date. Giving each date your full consideration will increase your chances of finding true long term chemistry with someone when you do connect.

5 Surprising Ways Spring Helps You Find A Relationship

Are you single and ready for a relationship? Well, there’s great news: Spring has arrived!

Dating Experts consider Spring “The Matchmaking Season” for good reason: its the time of year when most relationships begin.

Why you ask? For these 5 (surprising) reasons:

  1. Are you positive?  as simple as it may seem, people are just feeling more ‘sunny’ in Spring. If you thought that doesn’t matter, consider this: your chances of connecting with someone new are far higher when you (both) have a positive attitude.
  2. Lose the layers:  let’s be honest for a minute – chemistry matters, in dating and in life. And its hard to feel attractive when you’re in a parka – and when you’re not feeling attractive you’re much less likely to approach someone new (or be approached). As the temperature warms up, show ’em what you’ve got.
  3. Time is on your side:  with the Spring time change, evenings are longer, which simply gives you more time to spend with someone. The winter “Netflix and chill” date option only really applies once you’ve started seeing someone – proposing it on a first or second date will almost surely keep you single for a while longer.
  4. Activity weather:  BC singles are notoriously addicted to outdoor activities. But its hard to get excited about a hike or bike when its freezing outside. With the warmer temps its time to activate your most powerful date option – an outdoor activity. Just do it.
  5. Patio fever:  if you’re more inclined towards a ‘sit down’ date, Spring has that covered for you as well. Restaurant and bar patios across the city start opening up again. If you don’t think it makes a difference, try patio drinks for your next date. Your love life with thank you for it.

3 Common Habits That Make You Look Really Unapproachable

If you’ve heard only one thing about the Vancouver dating scene, its probably this: its hard to meet new people in social situations. Vancouver women are unapproachable, and Vancouver men simply don’t approach at all.

But is this true? Well, if you look unapproachable the answer is yes. But if you look approachable, the answer is no.

So how can you look more approachable and start meeting people when you’re out socially? Start by fixing these 3 common body language mistakes:

  1. On a date with my phone:  in today’s smartphone-obsessed world, it’s easy to spend your evenings out messaging friends and checking social media. Here’s the problem with that – it sends the message to that cute guy or girl beside you that you’re not interested and/or not available. If you wanted to spend your evening checking your phone, why did you come out in the first place?
  2. You’re protected (from meeting anyone new):  its hard enough to approach someone in a busy social situation, particularly for men (and its typically a man’s role to approach women). But what makes it even harder is when you don’t make yourself available to be approached, or your back is turned to the outside world. If you’re out with a group of friends, and you notice someone interesting – find a chance to break free from the crowd to give someone a chance to say hi. Better yet, approach that person and say ‘hi’ yourself. You’ve nothing to lose but your single life.
  3. Not feeling it:  next time you’re out socially, change your default facial expression from a disinterested frown to a positive, pleasant or even neutral expression. Your smile is the world’s most powerful aphrodisiac for meeting someone new. When you’ve noticed someone interesting, make and hold eye contact for a few seconds, then smile. If they reciprocate, find a moment to head over to say hi – or simply give them a quick wave and invite them over. Yes, its that easy. The more complicated your system of meeting new people is, the more likely it will fail. And vice versa.