If you’re ready for a relationship. You must learn the skill (and art) of ‘positive dating’.
What on earth is ‘positive dating’ you ask?
It’s dating with intention. Dating with purpose. And dating that will lead you to a relationship. (and yes, its also a lot of fun).
Sound complicated? Well, its not. Here’s 6 ways to turn your date into a relationship:
- Seriously: if you’re looking for something serious, be serious about dating. No, that doesn’t mean turning your dates into ‘interviews for the life partner position’ – it means: be true to your word, treat your date with the respect they deserve, and go on 2nd and 3rd dates whenever possible.
- Look the part: if you show up sloppy and disheveled on your date, you’ll soon have plenty of time to freshen up – at home, alone after a failed first date. Put some effort into your appearance; it sends your date a message of respect (and you’ll probably look good too).
- Be positive: an essential element to ‘positive dating’ is being positive. Complaining about your job, or your lousy dating life on a date will lead to one sure thing – that trend will continue with this failed date. People want to be around positive people – be that person.
- Give it time: no matter how well (or poorly) a first or second date goes, you’ll likely not know for sure whether you’re a good match or not. Your best best: see your date again (and again) – even if it doesn’t turn into a love connection, you might just make a new friend out of it – and maybe they’ll know someone who’s perfect for you!
- End well leads to all well: regardless of how your date goes, make every effort to end it on a positive note – even if one or both of you realize there’s just no chance of chemistry. Sending someone a nice text or message thanking them for the date, and wishing them the best in their search can go a long way to your own future dating success.
- Visualize success: nothing good ever comes from imagining the worst outcome. Imagine your date going well – prepare accordingly and look the part – and it probably will. If you’re feeling down about dating (and your dates), consider taking a break from dating for a while until you’re feeling more positive. If that doesn’t work, hire a dating professional (like Executive Search Dating) and we’ll help get your love life back on track in no time flat! Contact us today to get things started.
Is your dating life frustrating?
You’re not alone!
Dating CAN be frustrating, particularly if you’re a busy professional who’s ready for a serious relationship.
Here’s 5 times you should consider QUITTING online dating and meeting with a professional matchmaker:
- Time is money: when you’re a busy single or professional, you don’t have time for bad dates. Hiring someone who can do all the leg work & introduce you to compatible singles that have real relationship potential just makes sense (& cents). Period.
- Screening matters: part of meeting your special someone is meeting people that have the basic qualities you’re looking for in a relationship partner. Going on 10 online dates that don’t have the qualities you’re looking for doesn’t help you find someone special. In fact, it may lead you to give up on your search. Having a professional matchmaker pre-screen your matches for you can help.
- Safety matters: when you’re meeting matches who may or may not be who they claim to be, its hard not to be a bit nervous (particularly if you’re a woman). Being a bit nervous on a first date isn’t always a bad thing – sometimes it means you’re excited. But being nervous about your own safety is never a good thing.
- Easy does it: finding time in your busy schedule to arrange a date can be a real challenge. If you’re both busy its twice as hard. Having a professional matchmaker take care of all the date arrangements makes dating easier – which means you’re more likely to show up on your date in a positive frame of mind. This can increase your chances of a love connection.
- Fine tuning: finding someone special isn’t always easy, particularly if you’re working off a fixed set of criteria that never change. Giving post date feedback to a professional matchmaker can help them (and you!) fine tune your criteria to increase the chances of finding your perfect match.
You’ve just finished your date, and it feels like things went great! But when you text your new flame later, they say they’re just not that into you… what gives!?
What happened is the date went great for YOU, but not for YOUR DATE.
Here’s 7 signs you’re a bad date, and how to fix it… fast!
- Late, far from great: you may have a good reason for showing up late on a first or second date, but here’s what your date thinks – they are clearly not as important as the other things you had to do which made you late. If you’re tired of being single, start by showing up on time on your date.
- The world’s sweetest (worst) sound: saying someone’s name (correctly) is one of the sweetest sounds your date will hear. Forgetting or repeatedly mispronouncing their name is probably the worst. Yes, its the simplest of things. And yes it matters (a lot).
- All about me: talking about yourself the whole date probably sounds good to you; but likely not your date. If your date is serious about finding someone, they’ll likely want to feel that they can have their say too… let them speak.
- Nothing about me: on the other hand, not talking about yourself at all is not the answer. This can come across as being guarded, which might lead your date to think you’re not interested in them (even if you are). Tell some funny stories about yourself or what you like to do; nothing too serious on a first or second date though.
- Distracted dating: focus on the person you’re with on your date. Checking out other people at the restaurant or – worse yet – hitting on the staff or bartender, will have you back home (alone) in no time flat.
- Bored to dating death: not everyone is equipped with a wicked sense of humor, or an amazing array of fascinating travel stories. But here’s what everyone does have: functioning ears. Put them to use by LISTENING to your date, which will uncover subjects that interest THEM. Next step, talk about that subject and show genuine interest.
- The three day rule is dating history: in today’s world, waiting some proscribed amount of time to let someone know you enjoyed your date (1 day, 3 days, 1 week, etc.) just won’t cut it. No relationship in the history of the world ever failed to launch because someone reached out too soon after their first date to say how much they enjoyed themselves. In today’s smartphone obsessed world, 3 days can feel like 3 weeks. If you liked your date, let them know (and suggest an idea for your 2nd date). In love and in life, fortune favors the bold!
First dates can be a communication minefield.
On the one hand, you want to present the best version of yourself to someone who could potentially be your boyfriend or girlfriend. You want to get past the awkward “small talk” and figure out whether the two of you are compatible.
But on the other hand, you don’t want to get too invasive. While there’s no set rulebook for how to act on a first date, there are some questions that could give your potential partner the wrong impression.
Here are the seven worst questions to ask on a first date:
- What’s your relationship like with your parents?: stay away from overly personal questions on the first date. I get it, you want to skip the “small talk” and get to a deep conversation, but you must ease into these topics so the other person does not become uncomfortable.
- Why did you and your ex break up?: bringing up past relationships can also ruin first dates. What happened in the past isn’t relevant to the date that’s happening right now. While someone may have had a rocky relationship with their last partner, you could bring out a completely different side of them.
- What’s your favorite position?: avoid talking explicitly about sex on the first date; its too much, too soon.
- How can you work in a job like that?: avoid judgmental comments and questions about what someone does, wears, hangs out with, etc. You don’t want your date to feel like you’re keeping score and auditioning him or her for the future.
- Why weren’t you a better friend?: along with judgmental questions, avoid asking things that would make your date feel guilty about a personal story they revealed to you – remember, the point is to feel good.
- Do you always wear this much makeup?: avoid asking a question about someone’s appearance. In fact, don’t say anything about your date’s appearance unless it’s a direct compliment.
- Do you want a relationship?: don’t inquire about a long-term relationship on the first date. While you should be upfront about whether you just want to hook up or would like something more serious, getting too serious too soon turns your date off.
Being yourself is important.
But if you want a successful long-term relationship, there are two qualities that are even MORE important: being an open communicator with your partner, and being open to change.
In a recent study, scientists surveyed over 5,500 singles and revealed their list of the top “relationship dealbreakers”.
Here’s the top 11 – work on avoiding or improving as many of these as possible, and you can INCREASE your chances of a lasting relationship:
Disheveled (unclean appearance).
Lacks sense of humor.
Lived more than 3 hours away from me.
Too much TV/video games.
Low sex drive.
Talks too much.
Have you ever been on a date where things went wrong, but you couldn’t figure out why? Or a date where you thought things went great, but when you called your date the next day they told you they weren’t interested in seeing you again?
Well it happens. Sometimes chemistry happens for one person but not the other. But sometimes, just sometimes, there are warning signs. Learn how to read these 8 warning signs, and you may just turn a bad date into a good date, and on to a second date and beyond:
- Re-scheduling: in life, particularly for a busy person, things sometime come up last minute, forcing you to re-schedule. But if your date is constantly changing plans last minute, it may be a sign that they’re not really that interested.
- Late, not great: if your date shows up late without a good excuse, it’s a sign that they’re probably not that into it.
- Disengaged: if your date is not really engaging in conversation, or simply seems to be distant – it’s likely that they are just not into you.
- Distracted: when your date is spending more time chatting to the wait staff, or worse yet checking them out, it sends a message that they’re more interested in the wait staff than they are in you.
- Not listening: if your date keeps talking over you, or clearly isn’t listening to what you’re saying, it shows they’re not really interested in you.
- No questions: if your date is happy to talk about themselves, but doesn’t ask you even one question about yourself, it shows an overall lack of interest.
- Yawning: a yawn is nature’s way of showing that someone is bored.
- Arguing: if you find yourself in heated arguments with your date, particularly on a first or second date, it’s pretty much a given that things aren’t going well.
When you dream about your perfect partner, what do they look like? I’ll bet they’re very attractive – exactly your physical type, right?
Physical chemistry is important – who are we kidding – but what happens when your dream relationship runs into real-life problems?
Well, physical chemistry alone won’t save you. But this essential relationship quality will:
What is it?:
- An ability to rise above the day to day issues (job, health, family, stress, etc.) and see the relationship as a whole.
- An ability to discuss the overall state of your relationship, without getting dragged down into minute details and petty grievances.
- An openness to seeing things from your partner’s perspective & being open to change & compromise for the sake of your relationship.
- An ability to say you’re wrong.
How can you spot it?:
- Is someone open to new ideas, or are they close-minded in your early conversations?
- When discussing past relationships, do they blame their past partners or do they accept some of the blame themselves? Do they say they’ve learned from past relationships?
- Do they anger easily & yell at restaurant staff, other drivers, etc.; do they constantly criticize others but never their own actions?
- Do they value relationships with friends, family, co-workers, etc?
Dating – it is sometimes said – comes down to one thing: “Chemistry”.
Do you feel it, do they have it, what creates it, will I ever find it?
Although chemistry sometimes feels like magic, it’s actually far more basic than that – a connection you feel with someone that goes beyond the physical.
Here are 5 facts you need to know about dating chemistry:
- Oh yes you can: you can’t change the way you look, but you can change they way you act on a date. By creating more positive dating habits, you’ll make a better impression on your date, and increase the chances of a real connection even if there’s no immediate ‘wow’.
- Two kinds of chemistry: short term and long term chemistry aren’t always the same – the short term kind works well for while (ie. extreme physical attraction), but the long term kind (which can grow over time) is more important in lasting relationships.
- You need it, eventually: successful relationships need chemistry, but it doesn’t have to happen right away, and it doesn’t have to be ‘knock you off your chair’ chemistry (which can fade quickly anyway). If you’ve met someone interesting, give it enough time (ie. more than one date) to see if chemistry will develop .
- What’s inside matters: if you find yourself growing more attracted to someone over time, its unlikely that you are just finding them better looking (although that’s what it feels like); you’re likely connecting at a deeper level which makes the person seem more ‘attractive’ to you.
- Not all connections need to be ‘the one’: of course meeting someone special is the ultimate goal for most singles, but that’s not to say it’s the only desirable outcome from dating. If you do meet someone great, but just don’t feel that special ‘spark’, then consider friendship as a possible option. Although there may only be room for one ‘special someone’ in your life, you can never have enough friends.
In dating, as in life, there is such a thing as trying too hard.
Yes, making an effort on your date matters – but when you try to over-complicate things, you can end up being a ‘turn-off’ for your date.
Your best bet is to keep things simple on a first date – here’s 4 questions to make you more likable and, therefore, more successful on your date:
- How’s your day?: everyone likes to talk about themselves, and that means your date does to. Asking easy, open-ended questions gives them the chance to start a conversation about something they feel comfortable about. It also shows that you’re interested in them, which is exactly the image you want to project on a date.
- What do you think?: having a two-way conversation on your date is an essential part of getting to a second and third date and beyond. Instead of just talking about yourself the whole time, find a fun subject that interests you both (movies, music, travel, etc.) and ask their opinion about it. This shows you respect their opinion, and respect is a very sexy quality.
- Why?: asking follow up questions shows you’re date that you are listening to them, and actively interested in getting to know them better. Why do they love travel? Why did they choose their educational or career path? Why did they love that movie? Avoid more personal questions like ‘why are you single’ – there’ll be a time & place to ask that, but a first date is not that time.
- Would you like to catch a movie next week?: the single biggest reason why first dates don’t go anywhere is because one or both people don’t ask for a second date. Don’t be that statistic. If the dates going well (even if it’s just going okay), ask them if they’d like to go on a second date. You’ve got nothing to lose but your single life.
The end of summer has arrived, so what does that mean for YOUR love life? Basically, you have two options:
You can keep the fire burning with your special someone, even as the temperatures start to cool down.
Or, your romance can fade along with the backdrop of sandy beaches and starry skies that came with it.
Here’s 5 signs your summer relationship is built to last past Labour Day:
- You’re planning events for the future: when people see someone as short-term, they deliberately keep all plans within a 48 to 72-hour window, in case something better comes along. If your partner is making plans to spend post Labour Day time with you (and time thereafter), it’s safe to say they see you in their future. Bonus points if you’ve bought [future] concert tickets or invested in any type of prepaid date.
- You’ve met their family and friends: being introduced to your significant other’s loved ones is a sign that things are serious. If your partner regularly brings you around their friends and family, then there’s a chance they see you in their immediate future. When you see someone as a long-term option, you want to make sure everyone in your life gets used to them being around.
- There’s a healthy amount of communication about your relationship: if your partner is willing to discuss both the good and bad aspects of your relationship, all signs point to them being in it for the long haul. It’s easier to ignore real issues as long as you’re not concerned with how long your partner will be around.
- You survived your first argument: having a healthy argument is completely normal in relationships, as long as you both are willing to compromise. The first argument says a lot about where you are – if you’ve argued and made up, this shows your partner isn’t the type to run at the first sign of discomfort. This means they understand arguing is a part of relationships, and they’re willing to work through it in order to stay around.
- Summer lovin’ happened so fast?: if your relationship has remained consistent and you’ve become even closer after being intimate, its a strong indicator your relationship will last beyond summer. Yes, your summer fling just might be the real thing.