The weather outside may be frightful, but your love life doesn’t have to be.
The holidays are actually a GREAT time to meet someone new! Here’s how:
- Volunteer for Holiday Help: give back during the holidays. Try to find out how you can help at a local toy drive or a homeless shelter. You may meet someone who shares your interest in charitable work.
- Go to holiday events throughout the city: no matter where you live, your community is bound to be alive with holiday cheer. Head to your local city center and take in the lights and the festivities. There’s something about a festive event that brings people out. Maybe you’ll meet someone new!
- Be the (Xmas) party: instead of waiting for someone to throw a Christmas party, throw one yourself. Be sure to ask your friends to invite their single friends too.
- Office parties: of course, do attend your own office party, but avoid making a scene you’ll later regret. A friend’s office party, however, can be a more relaxed and effective way to meet other single professionals.
- Hire a professional: professional matchmaking services like Executive Search Dating consider December to be peak dating season, with lots of busy singles and professionals looking to meet new people. Contact us today – you have nothing to lose but your single life!
Sometimes, your date is over before it even begins.
First impressions matter, in dating & in life. Giving someone the wrong impression about you at the start of your date can ruin your chances – even if you’re both actually a perfect match!
But here’s the good news: you can control the first impression you present to your date & INCREASE your chances of a love connection. Here’s how:
- Worth it: showing up tired or disheveled will send a clear message that you’re just not into them (even if you are ). Make an effort.
- Trust: being true to your word helps build trust; constantly re-scheduling your date sends the opposite message. Make your plan, then make it happen.
- Respect: showing up late to your date sends a subtle message that your time is worth more than theirs. Be on time.
- Life together: your appearance matters, and says a lot about who and where you are in life. Do your best to look your best.
- Smart: holding someone’s gaze while you’re talking sends a message that you’re smart. Stay focused on them, and they’ll be focused on you.
- Confident: nerves are a natural part of a first date, but smiling sends a message of confidence, the sexiest quality of all.
- Kind: holding the door & saying thank you (to your date and the restaurant staff) sends a message that you’re kind – and who doesn’t want to spend time with someone kind?
- Interesting: be prepared with some interesting conversation topics; ideally ones that you know your date will be interested in too. Boring someone into submission is a terrible strategy.
- Interested: active listening is the key to a real connection and, ultimately, a successful date (and relationship). Listen at least as much as you talk on your date.
- Serious: if you’re date’s going well, don’t wait until the next day or even the end of the date to propose a 2nd date. You’ll never have a better chance.
- Sincere: tell a story that tells your date something about you – perhaps a recent travel story, or a concert/movie you saw recently and loved (and why). Hint: avoid negative topics or overly personal stories; at least on a first date.
If you’re ready for a relationship. You must learn the skill (and art) of ‘positive dating’.
What on earth is ‘positive dating’ you ask?
It’s dating with intention. Dating with purpose. And dating that will lead you to a relationship. (and yes, its also a lot of fun).
Sound complicated? Well, its not. Here’s 6 ways to turn your date into a relationship:
- Seriously: if you’re looking for something serious, be serious about dating. No, that doesn’t mean turning your dates into ‘interviews for the life partner position’ – it means: be true to your word, treat your date with the respect they deserve, and go on 2nd and 3rd dates whenever possible.
- Look the part: if you show up sloppy and disheveled on your date, you’ll soon have plenty of time to freshen up – at home, alone after a failed first date. Put some effort into your appearance; it sends your date a message of respect (and you’ll probably look good too).
- Be positive: an essential element to ‘positive dating’ is being positive. Complaining about your job, or your lousy dating life on a date will lead to one sure thing – that trend will continue with this failed date. People want to be around positive people – be that person.
- Give it time: no matter how well (or poorly) a first or second date goes, you’ll likely not know for sure whether you’re a good match or not. Your best best: see your date again (and again) – even if it doesn’t turn into a love connection, you might just make a new friend out of it – and maybe they’ll know someone who’s perfect for you!
- End well leads to all well: regardless of how your date goes, make every effort to end it on a positive note – even if one or both of you realize there’s just no chance of chemistry. Sending someone a nice text or message thanking them for the date, and wishing them the best in their search can go a long way to your own future dating success.
- Visualize success: nothing good ever comes from imagining the worst outcome. Imagine your date going well – prepare accordingly and look the part – and it probably will. If you’re feeling down about dating (and your dates), consider taking a break from dating for a while until you’re feeling more positive. If that doesn’t work, hire a dating professional (like Executive Search Dating) and we’ll help get your love life back on track in no time flat! Contact us today to get things started.
Is your dating life frustrating?
You’re not alone!
Dating CAN be frustrating, particularly if you’re a busy professional who’s ready for a serious relationship.
Here’s 5 times you should consider QUITTING online dating and meeting with a professional matchmaker:
- Time is money: when you’re a busy single or professional, you don’t have time for bad dates. Hiring someone who can do all the leg work & introduce you to compatible singles that have real relationship potential just makes sense (& cents). Period.
- Screening matters: part of meeting your special someone is meeting people that have the basic qualities you’re looking for in a relationship partner. Going on 10 online dates that don’t have the qualities you’re looking for doesn’t help you find someone special. In fact, it may lead you to give up on your search. Having a professional matchmaker pre-screen your matches for you can help.
- Safety matters: when you’re meeting matches who may or may not be who they claim to be, its hard not to be a bit nervous (particularly if you’re a woman). Being a bit nervous on a first date isn’t always a bad thing – sometimes it means you’re excited. But being nervous about your own safety is never a good thing.
- Easy does it: finding time in your busy schedule to arrange a date can be a real challenge. If you’re both busy its twice as hard. Having a professional matchmaker take care of all the date arrangements makes dating easier – which means you’re more likely to show up on your date in a positive frame of mind. This can increase your chances of a love connection.
- Fine tuning: finding someone special isn’t always easy, particularly if you’re working off a fixed set of criteria that never change. Giving post date feedback to a professional matchmaker can help them (and you!) fine tune your criteria to increase the chances of finding your perfect match.
You’ve just finished your date, and it feels like things went great! But when you text your new flame later, they say they’re just not that into you… what gives!?
What happened is the date went great for YOU, but not for YOUR DATE.
Here’s 7 signs you’re a bad date, and how to fix it… fast!
- Late, far from great: you may have a good reason for showing up late on a first or second date, but here’s what your date thinks – they are clearly not as important as the other things you had to do which made you late. If you’re tired of being single, start by showing up on time on your date.
- The world’s sweetest (worst) sound: saying someone’s name (correctly) is one of the sweetest sounds your date will hear. Forgetting or repeatedly mispronouncing their name is probably the worst. Yes, its the simplest of things. And yes it matters (a lot).
- All about me: talking about yourself the whole date probably sounds good to you; but likely not your date. If your date is serious about finding someone, they’ll likely want to feel that they can have their say too… let them speak.
- Nothing about me: on the other hand, not talking about yourself at all is not the answer. This can come across as being guarded, which might lead your date to think you’re not interested in them (even if you are). Tell some funny stories about yourself or what you like to do; nothing too serious on a first or second date though.
- Distracted dating: focus on the person you’re with on your date. Checking out other people at the restaurant or – worse yet – hitting on the staff or bartender, will have you back home (alone) in no time flat.
- Bored to dating death: not everyone is equipped with a wicked sense of humor, or an amazing array of fascinating travel stories. But here’s what everyone does have: functioning ears. Put them to use by LISTENING to your date, which will uncover subjects that interest THEM. Next step, talk about that subject and show genuine interest.
- The three day rule is dating history: in today’s world, waiting some proscribed amount of time to let someone know you enjoyed your date (1 day, 3 days, 1 week, etc.) just won’t cut it. No relationship in the history of the world ever failed to launch because someone reached out too soon after their first date to say how much they enjoyed themselves. In today’s smartphone obsessed world, 3 days can feel like 3 weeks. If you liked your date, let them know (and suggest an idea for your 2nd date). In love and in life, fortune favors the bold!
First dates can be a communication minefield.
On the one hand, you want to present the best version of yourself to someone who could potentially be your boyfriend or girlfriend. You want to get past the awkward “small talk” and figure out whether the two of you are compatible.
But on the other hand, you don’t want to get too invasive. While there’s no set rulebook for how to act on a first date, there are some questions that could give your potential partner the wrong impression.
Here are the seven worst questions to ask on a first date:
- What’s your relationship like with your parents?: stay away from overly personal questions on the first date. I get it, you want to skip the “small talk” and get to a deep conversation, but you must ease into these topics so the other person does not become uncomfortable.
- Why did you and your ex break up?: bringing up past relationships can also ruin first dates. What happened in the past isn’t relevant to the date that’s happening right now. While someone may have had a rocky relationship with their last partner, you could bring out a completely different side of them.
- What’s your favorite position?: avoid talking explicitly about sex on the first date; its too much, too soon.
- How can you work in a job like that?: avoid judgmental comments and questions about what someone does, wears, hangs out with, etc. You don’t want your date to feel like you’re keeping score and auditioning him or her for the future.
- Why weren’t you a better friend?: along with judgmental questions, avoid asking things that would make your date feel guilty about a personal story they revealed to you – remember, the point is to feel good.
- Do you always wear this much makeup?: avoid asking a question about someone’s appearance. In fact, don’t say anything about your date’s appearance unless it’s a direct compliment.
- Do you want a relationship?: don’t inquire about a long-term relationship on the first date. While you should be upfront about whether you just want to hook up or would like something more serious, getting too serious too soon turns your date off.
Being yourself is important.
But if you want a successful long-term relationship, there are two qualities that are even MORE important: being an open communicator with your partner, and being open to change.
In a recent study, scientists surveyed over 5,500 singles and revealed their list of the top “relationship dealbreakers”.
Here’s the top 11 – work on avoiding or improving as many of these as possible, and you can INCREASE your chances of a lasting relationship:
Disheveled (unclean appearance).
Lacks sense of humor.
Lived more than 3 hours away from me.
Too much TV/video games.
Low sex drive.
Talks too much.
Have you ever been on a date where things went wrong, but you couldn’t figure out why? Or a date where you thought things went great, but when you called your date the next day they told you they weren’t interested in seeing you again?
Well it happens. Sometimes chemistry happens for one person but not the other. But sometimes, just sometimes, there are warning signs. Learn how to read these 8 warning signs, and you may just turn a bad date into a good date, and on to a second date and beyond:
- Re-scheduling: in life, particularly for a busy person, things sometime come up last minute, forcing you to re-schedule. But if your date is constantly changing plans last minute, it may be a sign that they’re not really that interested.
- Late, not great: if your date shows up late without a good excuse, it’s a sign that they’re probably not that into it.
- Disengaged: if your date is not really engaging in conversation, or simply seems to be distant – it’s likely that they are just not into you.
- Distracted: when your date is spending more time chatting to the wait staff, or worse yet checking them out, it sends a message that they’re more interested in the wait staff than they are in you.
- Not listening: if your date keeps talking over you, or clearly isn’t listening to what you’re saying, it shows they’re not really interested in you.
- No questions: if your date is happy to talk about themselves, but doesn’t ask you even one question about yourself, it shows an overall lack of interest.
- Yawning: a yawn is nature’s way of showing that someone is bored.
- Arguing: if you find yourself in heated arguments with your date, particularly on a first or second date, it’s pretty much a given that things aren’t going well.
When you dream about your perfect partner, what do they look like? I’ll bet they’re very attractive – exactly your physical type, right?
Physical chemistry is important – who are we kidding – but what happens when your dream relationship runs into real-life problems?
Well, physical chemistry alone won’t save you. But this essential relationship quality will:
What is it?:
- An ability to rise above the day to day issues (job, health, family, stress, etc.) and see the relationship as a whole.
- An ability to discuss the overall state of your relationship, without getting dragged down into minute details and petty grievances.
- An openness to seeing things from your partner’s perspective & being open to change & compromise for the sake of your relationship.
- An ability to say you’re wrong.
How can you spot it?:
- Is someone open to new ideas, or are they close-minded in your early conversations?
- When discussing past relationships, do they blame their past partners or do they accept some of the blame themselves? Do they say they’ve learned from past relationships?
- Do they anger easily & yell at restaurant staff, other drivers, etc.; do they constantly criticize others but never their own actions?
- Do they value relationships with friends, family, co-workers, etc?
Dating – it is sometimes said – comes down to one thing: “Chemistry”.
Do you feel it, do they have it, what creates it, will I ever find it?
Although chemistry sometimes feels like magic, it’s actually far more basic than that – a connection you feel with someone that goes beyond the physical.
Here are 5 facts you need to know about dating chemistry:
- Oh yes you can: you can’t change the way you look, but you can change they way you act on a date. By creating more positive dating habits, you’ll make a better impression on your date, and increase the chances of a real connection even if there’s no immediate ‘wow’.
- Two kinds of chemistry: short term and long term chemistry aren’t always the same – the short term kind works well for while (ie. extreme physical attraction), but the long term kind (which can grow over time) is more important in lasting relationships.
- You need it, eventually: successful relationships need chemistry, but it doesn’t have to happen right away, and it doesn’t have to be ‘knock you off your chair’ chemistry (which can fade quickly anyway). If you’ve met someone interesting, give it enough time (ie. more than one date) to see if chemistry will develop .
- What’s inside matters: if you find yourself growing more attracted to someone over time, its unlikely that you are just finding them better looking (although that’s what it feels like); you’re likely connecting at a deeper level which makes the person seem more ‘attractive’ to you.
- Not all connections need to be ‘the one’: of course meeting someone special is the ultimate goal for most singles, but that’s not to say it’s the only desirable outcome from dating. If you do meet someone great, but just don’t feel that special ‘spark’, then consider friendship as a possible option. Although there may only be room for one ‘special someone’ in your life, you can never have enough friends.