Category Archives: Matchmaking Victoria B.C.

5 Surprising Ways Spring Helps You Find A Relationship

Are you single and ready for a relationship? Well, there’s great news: Spring has arrived!

Dating Experts consider Spring “The Matchmaking Season” for good reason: its the time of year when most relationships begin.

Why you ask? For these 5 (surprising) reasons:

  1. Are you positive?  as simple as it may seem, people are just feeling more ‘sunny’ in Spring. If you thought that doesn’t matter, consider this: your chances of connecting with someone new are far higher when you (both) have a positive attitude.
  2. Lose the layers:  let’s be honest for a minute – chemistry matters, in dating and in life. And its hard to feel attractive when you’re in a parka – and when you’re not feeling attractive you’re much less likely to approach someone new (or be approached). As the temperature warms up, show ’em what you’ve got.
  3. Time is on your side:  with the Spring time change, evenings are longer, which simply gives you more time to spend with someone. The winter “Netflix and chill” date option only really applies once you’ve started seeing someone – proposing it on a first or second date will almost surely keep you single for a while longer.
  4. Activity weather:  BC singles are notoriously addicted to outdoor activities. But its hard to get excited about a hike or bike when its freezing outside. With the warmer temps its time to activate your most powerful date option – an outdoor activity. Just do it.
  5. Patio fever:  if you’re more inclined towards a ‘sit down’ date, Spring has that covered for you as well. Restaurant and bar patios across the city start opening up again. If you don’t think it makes a difference, try patio drinks for your next date. Your love life with thank you for it.

3 Common Habits That Make You Look Really Unapproachable

If you’ve heard only one thing about the Vancouver dating scene, its probably this: its hard to meet new people in social situations. Vancouver women are unapproachable, and Vancouver men simply don’t approach at all.

But is this true? Well, if you look unapproachable the answer is yes. But if you look approachable, the answer is no.

So how can you look more approachable and start meeting people when you’re out socially? Start by fixing these 3 common body language mistakes:

  1. On a date with my phone:  in today’s smartphone-obsessed world, it’s easy to spend your evenings out messaging friends and checking social media. Here’s the problem with that – it sends the message to that cute guy or girl beside you that you’re not interested and/or not available. If you wanted to spend your evening checking your phone, why did you come out in the first place?
  2. You’re protected (from meeting anyone new):  its hard enough to approach someone in a busy social situation, particularly for men (and its typically a man’s role to approach women). But what makes it even harder is when you don’t make yourself available to be approached, or your back is turned to the outside world. If you’re out with a group of friends, and you notice someone interesting – find a chance to break free from the crowd to give someone a chance to say hi. Better yet, approach that person and say ‘hi’ yourself. You’ve nothing to lose but your single life.
  3. Not feeling it:  next time you’re out socially, change your default facial expression from a disinterested frown to a positive, pleasant or even neutral expression. Your smile is the world’s most powerful aphrodisiac for meeting someone new. When you’ve noticed someone interesting, make and hold eye contact for a few seconds, then smile. If they reciprocate, find a moment to head over to say hi – or simply give them a quick wave and invite them over. Yes, its that easy. The more complicated your system of meeting new people is, the more likely it will fail. And vice versa.

4 Ways You’re Making Dating Harder Than It Needs To Be

If you’re single & ready for a relationship, dating can be frustrating. But it doesn’t have to be hard.

In fact, if your dates feel like “work” – or if dating itself feels like a “second job” – it’s probably not going to work out well for you.

So how do you change your dating approach & INCREASE your relationship chances? Start by stopping these 4 toxic dating habits:

  1. Turn off the volume:  if you’ve been using (multiple) dating apps, you’ve probably encountered one of two (equally frustrating) scenarios, A. You swipe & click for hours but don’t end up meeting or truly connecting with anyone; or, B. You’re inundated with messages (some polite, some not so much) from people you’re not interested in. In either case, the solution isn’t to ‘dig in’, its to ‘dig out’. Put away your dating apps for a while & try some other dating methods.
  2. Me, Me, Me?:  its natural to think the key to finding someone special is to focus on what YOU’RE looking for, right? Wrong! Start focusing on the person across from you – or across the room from you – you’ll be surprised what you mind find out about them & you, and maybe both of you together.
  3. Quest for perfection?:  its easy to write exactly what you’re looking for on a dating profile or piece of paper. Where it all falls apart, however, is the real world. Its natural to have some basic ‘deal breakers’, but avoid making your list so long that nobody makes the grade (maybe even not you?). Focus on truly getting to know someone below the superficial – that’s where true chemistry happens.
  4. The 10 second rule?:  can you know if someone’s perfect for you within 10 seconds of meeting them? Not really. Yes, its true you can tell if you’re physically attracted to someone right away – but you likely can’t tell if they’re truly ‘the one’. Why? Because – yes – physical chemistry is important, but connecting with someone at a deeper level is a more important indicator of long term relationship potential. Throw out the “10 second rule”, and replace it with the “10 date rule” (or at least the “3 date rule”)!

11 Things People In Successful Relationships Do Every Day

So, you’ve met someone special and you’re ready to start a relationship together. Now comes the hard part.

Yes, ‘positive dating’ is an essential part of finding your special someone. But if your relationship skills aren’t up to par, it might all be for naught.

Here’s 11 things people in successful relationships do every day to make their relationships grow stronger over time.  Hint: you should do this too!

1. They ask for help:  when you ask for help several things happen. You implicitly show you respect the person giving the advice. You show you respect that person’s experience, skill, and insight. And you show you trust that other person, since by asking for help you’ve made yourself vulnerable. While it’s relatively easy to ask for help with something practical, it’s harder to ask when the help you need is personal.

People who want a successful marriage are willing to ask for help, both because they need help and because they realize their partner will in turn receive a lot in return in terms of self-respect, self-esteem, and self-worth.

They get to know they made a difference in your life, which we all love to feel.

2. They’re patient:  showing patience is an extraordinary way to let people know we truly care about them. Showing patience–which is another way to show genuine confidence in the other person–is an extraordinary way to let your spouse know you truly believe in him or her.

Showing patience is an incredible gift–because, ultimately, it shows how much you care.

3. They set a great example:  researchers at Washington University in St. Louis found that people with relatively prudent and reliable partners tend to perform better at work, earning more promotions, making more money, and feeling more satisfied with their jobs.

That’s true for men and women: “Partner conscientiousness” predicted future job satisfaction, income, and likelihood of promotion, even after factoring in the participants’ level of conscientiousness.

4. They compliment, they recognize, and they praise:  we all do some things well. We all have at least a few strengths, a few good qualities, a few positive traits…and that’s why we all deserve praise and appreciation.

Think of it this way: It’s easy to recognize great employees; after all, they do great things. But it’s very possible that consistent praise is one of the reasons they’ve become great.

People who work to build a successful marriage sometimes see the good in their partners before they see it in themselves–and that can provide the spark that just might help their partners reach their true potential.

5. They allow space and privacy:  everyone shares. Everyone “Likes” and “tweets”. Lives have increasingly become open books. Over time, we’ve started to feel we have the right to know more about others than we ever did before.

That includes our spouses.

But sometimes we don’t need to know. Sometimes the best gift we can give is the gift of privacy, of not asking, not prying–yet always being available if and when the other person does want or need to share.

It’s not necessary to know in order to care.

6. They actively search for opportunities the other has missed:  we all want to improve, to grow, to succeed…but sometimes we’re too deep in the trees to notice the forest.

People working to build a successful marriage take the time to look for the opportunities their partner might have missed. They’re able to not only know your dreams but to help you work towards those dreams–and to help open doors that might otherwise have remained closed.

They want you to succeed, because…

7. They find happiness in their partner’s success:  great business teams win because their most talented members are willing to sacrifice to make others happy. Great teams are made up of employees who help each other, know their roles, set aside personal goals, and value team success over everything else.

And that’s exactly how great marriages work.

Every great entrepreneur answers the question, “Can you make the choice that your happiness will come from the success of others?” with a resounding “Yes!”

So do people who want their spouse–and their marriage–to be successful.

8. They’re sincere and genuine:  lip service is easy to pay. Sometimes it’s harder to show sincere excitement when things go well. Sometimes it’s harder to show sincere appreciation for a thoughtful gesture, a kind word, or extra effort. Sometimes it’s harder to show sincere disappointment–with others, sure, but also with yourself.

People who want a successful marriage openly celebrate. They openly empathize. They openly worry. In short, they’re openly human.

Your spouse married a person. Be a person. Be the person you are.

9. They know that sometimes tough love is the best love:  I’m not perfect. You’re not perfect. We all want to be better than we are. Yet we all fall into habits, fall into patterns, develop blind spots…and that’s why we all need constructive feedback. That’s why we all need advice, guidance, and sometimes a swift kick in the pants.

It’s easy to make a snarky comment. It’s easy to frown or smirk or look disappointed. It’s a lot tougher to say, especially to someone you care about, “I know you’re capable of a lot more.”

Think about a time when someone told you what you least wanted to hear…and yet most needed to hear. You’ve never forgotten what that person said. It changed your life.

Now go change your spouse’s life.

10. They weigh the personal against the practical:  sometimes seeking professional success can impact the success of your marriage.

Here’s an example: According to at least one study, if one spouse commutes longer than 45 minutes, that couple is 40 percent more likely to get divorced.

(There are some caveats. If you’ve already spent five years or more commuting more than 45 minutes, then you’re only 1 percent more likely to get divorced than couples with short commutes. In all likelihood, that’s because you’ve worked through the practical and emotional issues involved. Plus, if one of you had a long commute before you started your relationship, then you’re also a lot less likely to get divorced than husbands or wives who start a long commute later in their relationship.)

Just in practical terms, a long commute might not be worth it. According to another study, economists determined a 40 percent increase in pay is necessary to make an additional hour of commuting time pay off in terms of personal satisfaction and fulfillment. A few dollars an hour more won’t make you happy if you have to drive an extra hour every day to earn it.

Factor that in with the potential cost to your relationship, and personal considerations could definitely outweigh practical advantages.

People working to build a successful marriage always look at the big picture. Professional success is just one factor in the happiness equation. Make sure you look at every factor–especially the health of your marriage.

11. They build a shared sense of purpose:  fulfillment is often found in becoming a part of something bigger. We all love to feel that special sense of teamwork and togetherness that turns a task into a quest, a group of individuals into a real team.

We all look for that at work…but where we really need to feel it is at home.

Together, create your own mission. Create your own vision. Decide where you want to go, together, and make a plan to get there together.

Few things will make you feel more like a couple than being able to say, “We did that.”

Go do that.

The 5 Best Ways To Impress Your Date

If you’re on a date, first impressions matter. But second impressions matter even more.

In your perfect dating world, everyone will see you for who you really are – and that’s true (eventually).

But to make it that far, you need to make a positive impression on your date. How? Here’s 5 proven ways:

  1. Too late:  in dating, its often the simplest things that matter. Arriving late to your date may not seem like a big deal to you; buts its probably a big deal to your date. It sends the message that your time is more important than theirs. Stop with the excuses! Show up on time to every date – or better yet, 5 minutes early.
  2. Be excited (or fake it):  you may find it hard to muster any excitement on a first or second date – particularly if you’ve had a long, hard day;  or your dating life is frustrating, or… (fill in your excuse here).  But here’s the thing – if your date senses you’re not excited to see them, why on earth should they be excited to see you – let alone consider starting a relationship with you!? Be energetic & excited on your date. If you don’t feel that way, fake it.
  3. Positively positive:  griping about your day, your job, your dating life, how you’re really feeling, etc, is a perfectly natural thing to do when you’re with your friends, family or co-workers. But on a first or second date, its a true chemistry-killer. Keep things positive on your date; there’ll be plenty of time in the future to open up about your issues, but a first or second date is not that time.
  4. I hear you:  there is no greater skill you can display on a date than this – be a good listener. Active listening sends your date the message that you care, that you’re interested in them & that you’re fun to be around. In other words – that you’re great relationship material. Did you hear that?
  5. Chivalry is (not) dead:  (Men, this applies mostly to you) did you hear that one about chivalry being dead? Its dead alright – dead wrong. Men and women are equals (of course!), but that doesn’t mean you can’t display some common courtesies on your date – holding the door, offering your jacket or sweater if your date is cold, walking your date to their car or taxi at the end of your date, etc. If you’re treating your date exactly as you treat your friends, expect your date to consider you as ‘friend material’, and not ‘relationship potential’.

5 Things That Can Make You Irresistible This Valentine’s Day

When someone finds you irresistible, its no guarantee you’ll be a great match. But its a pretty good start.

Sexiness doesn’t just happen – and its not just about how someone looks – science tells us there are specific traits that boost someone’s attractiveness.

So if you’re ready to be irresistible this Valentine’s Day, do these 5 things on your next date:

  1. Its a funny thing:  if you can make someone laugh, you’re half way there. But equally important, particularly for men, is laughing at their jokes. So whether you’re the comedian or the appreciative audience, the more you laugh the more you win in the game of love.
  2. Being liked is sexy:  everyone wants to be appreciated, but over 90% of couples say a major factor in falling in love was discovering that the other person liked them. Spend less time in front of the mirror, and more time appreciating the person you’re with and your single days will soon be over.
  3. Talk it to me:  when you’re on a date, real conversations matter (they really matter). Asking someone questions about themselves, actively listening and sharing personal stories sends the message that you’re open to a true connection. Random & superficial conversations send the opposite message: that this date will be your last.
  4. Personality is sexy:  if you’re looking for something casual, then looks are most important & personality not much at all. But if you’re looking for a relationship, its the reverse. By all means do your best to look your best, but being a good person – easy to get along with, fun to be around, considerate & caring – will send the message that you’re relationship material more than any cologne or perfume ever will.
  5. How they make you feel is sexy:  research shows we don’t really fall in love with a person – we fall in love with how we feel when we’re with them. In other words, your date may forget what you say, or even what you do, but they’ll never forget how you made them feel.

The Trick To Creating Chemistry On Your Date Isn’t How You Look – It’s What You Say

When you’re on a first date, looks matter. Its true.

But if you’re looking for true chemistry – the kind that lasts a lifetime – its not how you LOOK, but what you SAY that really matters.

So what should you say to create attraction & chemistry on your date? These 5 things:

  1. Complement, sincerely:  everyone wants to be complemented – particularly if it feels genuine. Be in the moment, and be honest, but make a point to complement your date on something that catches your eye (their shoes, their dress, cologne, smile, etc.).  If you can’t find even one single thing to complement your date on, its probably not a good sign – for them, but especially for you.
  2. Positively positive:  a positive attitude speaks louder than words, particularly if you’ve just met someone new, who’s relationship-minded (like you). Even if someone’s looks don’t blow you away at first, if being around them makes you feel good, there’s a great chance of a second or third date – which is where true chemistry appears.
  3. Say anything:  awkward silences are never great, but they’re particularly harmful on a first or second date. Don’t get stuck with nothing to say (because of nerves, or anything else), prepare a mental list before your date of fun things to talk about – especially if you have an idea of a subject that interests your date. For example, if your date loves music, tell him/her about that great music festival you attended last summer.
  4. Say nothing:  nerves can sometimes leave you at a loss for words, but they can also lead you to a worse problem – which is talking all the time. Be self-aware on your date and aim for a 50/50 split of talking vs listening. The best conversations are built on something your date says, or better yet, something they’re excited about. Active listening is essential if you want to create true chemistry.
  5. Be bold:  at the end of your date, don’t wait for your date partner to make the first move – if the dates gone well (or even if its gone average), tell them you’ve enjoyed it and suggest a second date. There’ll never be a better chance for a second date, then at the end of a good first date.

6 Fixable Flaws That Are Holding You Back From Dating Success

If you’ve been single for a while it’s easy to become frustrated with the dating scene – particularly if you’re a busy single or professional who’s ready for a relationship.

But you might be surprised to learn this: dating success has far more to do with YOUR actions than on the available pool of compatible singles.

It may be time to fine tune your dating approach, start by avoiding these 6 common mistakes:

  1. Checklist dating:  nothing will turn your date off faster than feeling that they’re being interviewed. Yes, having dating criteria is important, but being open to meeting a wide variety of people will maximize your chances of a true connection.
  2. Just another meeting:  treating your dates like business meetings can seem like a normal thing to do, particularly if you’re a single professional. But here’s the problem with this approach – it can make your date feel like a business meeting, and who ever wanted a business meeting to go on forever?
  3. Less me more you:  focusing more on your date than on your own feelings – particularly on a first or second date – will dramatically increase your chances of dating success.  If your date is having a good time, you will too (and vice versa).
  4. The 10 second rule:  deciding right away whether you like someone will likely mean you’ll miss out on the one that’s truly a great match for you. Chemistry is important, but true chemistry is not just physical. Take your time, you have nothing to lose but your single life.
  5. Self control:  when you do meet someone you’re really interested in, try not to overdo it on a first date. Avoid drinking too much or trying too hard to ‘close the deal’… if the dates going well, propose a 2nd date right there and then – there’ll never be a better time to get a ‘yes’.
  6. Follow through:  if you’ve met someone you like, don’t let them slip through the cracks because you’re too busy. There’s nothing more important to your dating success than staying true to your word – let your date know you’re interested in seeing them again, then make it happen. Your future happiness depends on it.

5 Positive Lessons You Learn When You Leave A Toxic Relationship Behind

Breaking up is hard to do. But it doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

Sometimes in fact – if you’re in a toxic relationship – it’s exactly what you need to do.

The challenge with any breakup is learning how to move on, so you can get on with your (love) life. But how?

Here’s how – 5 positives that come from leaving a toxic relationship behind:

  1. Living (and loving) is learning:  in life & in love, nothing stays the same forever. Even healthy relationships are like flowers – they need constant attention (and sunlight too).  Look at a failed relationship for what it is: an invaluable lesson in what you’re not looking for; which will help guide you towards the future you – in a happy, healthy and loving relationship.
  2. You become more resilient:  a traumatic experience like a toxic relationship will change you, and you will feel totally broken for quite a while. But once the fog starts to lift, and you see it for what it really was, you fix yourself so you’re indestructible.
  3. You can identify the red flags:  there are a number of red flags that someone isn’t a good person to be around. It may be something obvious, such as rude behaviour, but a lot of the time the signs are pretty subtle. Looking back and gaining perspective on a damaging relationship helps you identify the traits that drew you towards that person in the first place.
  4. Dealing with difficult people gets easier:  realising your own boundaries in romantic relationships helps you out in other walks of life too. You’ll be able to say “here’s my line, do not cross it” to people in your family, friendship group, and even at work.
  5. Boundaries are healthy:  the more time that passes, the more you will realise how troubling the way you were treated was. Becoming very clear about your boundaries means you have a better idea of the kind of person you really are. You also know what you are willing to tolerate, and you will be better at realising who will and won’t respect you.

Successful Relationships Share A Trait You Probably Think Is Bad

In love (as in life), looks can be deceiving.

Sometimes, “perfect couples” don’t turn out to be perfect. And other couples – who you never thought would make it – turn into lasting relationships.

That’s because there’s one relationship trait that you think is a BAD sign, but it turns out to be a GOOD sign. What is it?

The answer is surprising, but quite simple:

Arguing.

Why?:  no-one enjoys arguing, that’s for sure. But if you’re arguing, you’re probably still together. And if you keep talking long enough (assuming the arguments don’t turn into violence), you’re going to eventually work things out.

Indeed, the biggest leading indicator that a marriage is about to end is not, in fact, when couples argue. It’s when they stop talking.

Conclusion:  don’t worry so much about arguing (although do try and keep it respectful). When you stop talking, that’s when you should start worrying.