Category Archives: Matchmaking Victoria B.C.

Why It’s Better To Have An “Okay” First Date Than An “Incredible” First Date

Dating – like life – is an expectations game.

When you’re expecting something incredible, life usually disappoints (how could it not?). But when you keep your expectations in check – you’re often surprised to the upside.

Matchmakers will also tell you this: when you first meet someone and have “incredible” chemistry, you often overlook the fact that you don’t really have that much else in common.

So forget about “love at first sight” – here’s 5 ways your “okay” first date will lead you to (true) Love:

  1. Focus on what matters:  when you’re not overly focused on someone’s looks, you tend to get to know them better. Physical chemistry – no matter how strong – can fade over time. Its the stuff below the surface that truly matters.
  2. What grows slowly stays forever:  chemistry’s important when you meet someone new (who are we kidding), but it doesn’t have to be overwhelming – even a little bit will do. Once you get to know each other, that chemistry  can grow over time – and that’s the chemistry that can last a lifetime.
  3. Swipe the slate clean:  in today’s dating app obsessed world, its easy to think you’ll know the right person for you right away – just ‘swipe right’ and let the dating universe handle the rest, right? Wrong!  Some things in life – especially relationships – take time to develop. Put your phone down.
  4. Friends (with benefits):  have you ever met someone great but then thought “I think we might be better as friends.”  Here’s the thing: at the core of every successful relationship is a great friendship. Yes, you do need some chemistry for sure – but just a little at the start is okay. Stop getting in your own way and see them again!
  5. What’s the worst that can happen?:  so you’ve had an ‘okay’ date, but instead of ruling them out entirely, you decide to see them again (and again). Here’s what might happen next: you get to know each other better & chemistry grows; or, you decide that you’re better as friends and become friends.  Sounds like two pretty good outcomes to me!?

The Secret Ingredient To Lasting Love

Are you confused about how to make love last?

Here’s the key ingredient that’s often overlooked: when relationships break down, you can bet that respect has already gone out the window.

But rather than trying to figure out all the different components of how to make love last, focus instead on creating an atmosphere of respect with your partner.

Here’s 5 practical ways to begin increasing the level of respect in any relationship:

  1. Take your own life seriously:  your health, your finances, your career, your mental and emotional well-being. It’s your responsibility (not your partner’s) to ensure that you are functioning as a healthy adult.
  2. Express gratitude:  every day, look your partner in the eyes and say, “thank you” when they do even the simplest thing to make your day nicer. It’s amazing how easy it is to take those closest to us for granted. A simple, but thoughtful expression of gratitude will help you remember how special it is to have someone care about you. And, it will ensure your partner feels acknowledged and appreciated.
  3. Be real:  when challenges arise between the two of you, avoid cheap ways of discharging your pain by name-calling, eye rolling, sarcasm, ignoring them or being intentionally hurtful. Try this instead: openly communicate exactly how you’re feeling – without any drama. When in doubt, try the truth.
  4. Focus on what you do respect about your partner:  is your partner great at their job? Do they have a kind, compassionate heart? Are they a committed parent? What you focus on expands and this is definitely true in our relationships. When you intentionally choose to admire and appreciate your partner, you will begin to notice more and more of the things that make you feel proud to be with them.
  5. Accept that your partner has legitimate needs:  just like you, your partner will need emotional and physical safety, regular touch and closeness, a sense of purpose, solitude, recognition, etc. When we spend a lot of time with someone, we can forget that they are a separate individual with valid needs of their own. We see this often with desire for sexual intimacy or your partner’s need to zone out for a while after work.

2 Snap Judgments Your Date Makes When They Meet You — And How To Overcome Them

First impressions matter – in dating & in life – whether you like it or not!

People generally ask themselves two questions when they meet someone new: “Can I trust this person?” and “Can I respect this person?”.

But this doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It just means you need to MASTER the art of the first impression.

How you ask? By doing these 6 simple things:

  1. Positive body language:  becoming cognizant of your gestures, expressions, and tone of voice and making certain they’re positive will draw people to you like ants to a picnic. Using an enthusiastic tone, uncrossing your arms, maintaining eye contact, and leaning towards the speaker are all forms of positive body language, which can make all the difference.
  2. Be the best version of you:  make an effort to look your best, and have positive energy. You’ll never bore someone into liking you.
  3. Ask before you tell:  ask your date some engaging questions. Trust and warmth are created when people feel understood, and they need to be doing a lot of sharing for that to happen.
  4. Put away your phone:  it’s impossible to build trust and monitor your phone at the same time. Nothing turns people off like a mid-conversation text message or even a quick glance at your phone. When you commit to a conversation, focus all your energy on the conversation. You will find that conversations are more enjoyable and effective when you immerse yourself in them.
  5. Start well:  in dating, all’s well that starts well. Be prepared with some fun conversational topics & avoid awkward silences at the start of your date.
  6. Active listening:  active listening means concentrating on what the other person is saying, rather than planning what you’re going to say next. Asking insightful questions is a great way to illustrate that you’re really paying attention. If you’re not checking for understanding or asking a probing question, you shouldn’t be talking. Not only does thinking about what you’re going to say next take your attention away from the speaker, hijacking the conversation shows that you think you have something more important to say. This means that you shouldn’t jump in with solutions to the speaker’s problems. It’s human nature to want to help people, but what a lot of us don’t realize is that when we jump in with advice or a solution, we’re shutting the other person down and destroying trust. It’s essentially a more socially acceptable way of saying, “Okay, I’ve got it. You can stop now!” The effect is the same.

4 Signs You’re A Perfect Match

Your perfect match is out there somewhere, but they’re probably not perfect. Then again, unless you’re ‘perfect’ yourself, meeting someone who is won’t necessarily be a perfect match for you.

The key to relationship success is finding someone who’s not perfect, but perfect for YOU. It’s not just about looks and immediate “chemistry”, its also about finding common interests and common ground that are the foundations of long term happiness.

So if you’ve met someone new and you’re wondering about your future relationship prospects together, here’s 4 signs that you’re a perfect match:

  1. Going places (together):  one of the easiest ways to tell if you’re a good match with your partner is to plan a trip together.  If one of you wants to hop in an RV and road trip to Mexico, while the other wants to fly first class and stay at a 5 star resort, that’s a sign that you aren’t a good fit. Travelling together (particularly ‘off the beaten track’ travelling) also tests your ability to make decisions together – a vital part of a successful long term relationship.
  2. Common interests:  as simple as it may sound, having some common interests that you love doing together is an important part of being happy together. Also, making an effort to try some new things that your partner likes doing can give you even more reasons to spend quality time together.
  3. Finding the right balance:  matchmakers will tell you that people who share similar attributes are generally more suitable long term relationship partners.  ‘Opposites Attract’ can lead to initial sparks, but problems down the road. Having said that, what’s most important is finding someone who compliments you. If you’re the life of the party, perhaps your partner is more grounded. If you’re extremely ambitious, perhaps your partner is more stable and supportive.
  4. At your best:  when you’re with someone who makes you feel good about yourself, your chances of relationship success are enhanced. This allows you to relax, be yourself & comfortable in your own skin. Couples who are constantly searching for things to talk about, or never feel truly ‘comfortable’ in each other’s presence, can struggle to find the deeper kind of connection required for long term chemistry and relationship success.

5 Ways Love Is Good for Your Health

Finding a lasting relationship feels good. But its good for you too.

Not just physically, but mentally as well.

How you ask? In these 5 ways:

  1. Love makes you happy:  when you first fall in love, dopamine, the feel-good brain chemical associated with reward, is especially active. That is a mood intensifier, so people feel extremely positive and very appreciated, hence that “on cloud nine” feeling you get in the throes of a new relationship.
  2. Love busts stress:  after the honeymoon phase subsides, all of that dopamine starts to share real estate with another brain chemical: oxytocin, or the bonding hormone. That not only gives you “warm and fuzzy” feelings for your partner, but it can also be good for your health. When people feel securely attached, their stress levels go down.
  3. Love eases anxiety:  quite a few studies have pointed to ways that loneliness can hurt your health, from increasing inflammation to activating pain centers. The feeling of loneliness stimulates anxiety, which is mediated by different neurotransmitters, like norepinephrine. Also, cortisol and adrenaline levels rise when people feel insecure and threatened, which triggers your body’s stress response. Being in love and feeling close to another person can mitigate anxiety.
  4. Love makes you take better care of yourself:  the benefits of love aren’t all in your head. Couples encourage each other to go to the doctor when they don’t want to. There’s a lot of denial around medical illness, and individuals are more likely to shrug off something and say, ‘This can’t be serious.’ Sometimes, partners will even notice signs of allergies or other persistent health problems before the sufferer does.
  5. Love helps you live longer:  research has shown that married couples enjoy greater longevity than singles — making “’til death do us part” even more of a commitment. Studies suggest those long-life benefits are largely explained by consistent social and emotional support, better adherence to medical care and having a partner who can hold you accountable to healthy lifestyle behaviors and steer you away from bad ones. Married couples have been found to have lower rates of substance abuse, lower blood pressure and less depression than single peers.

But there’s also good news for the unattached. In 2010, a review of 148 studies found that longevity benefits were linked to all close social relationships, not just romantic ones — meaning your friends and family are good for your health, too.

People Come In 4 Types — And Two Of Them Tend To Make The Best Match

There are lots of things that determine a couple’s long-term compatibility – their values, their goals, their idea of fun, their commitment to work.

But what also matters is what “type” you are – and what “type” is your partner. Some types go together like bread & butter. Others like oil & water.

So which type are you, and what does this mean for your relationship potential?

Depending on how you answer the question “how do you respond to expectations”,  you are one of 4 types:

  • Upholders generally meet both inner and outer expectations, meaning they don’t let others or themselves down.
  • Questioners meet inner expectations; they’ll only do something if they think it makes sense.
  • Obligers (the biggest category) meet outer expectations but don’t always meet inner ones; they usually need some form of external accountability.
  • Rebels resist both inner and outer expectations; if you ask a rebel to do something, they’ll likely resist.

So which pair is the best match? Rebels and Obligers.

Why?  Because Obligers can stomach Rebels’ constant resistance – and even enjoy it – whereas Questioners and Upholders would go nuts.

Ultimately, Rebels and Obligers have something in common. Both resist inner expectation and this gives them this feeling that the world is pushing on them and they want to push back.

Pushing back is harder for Obligers than for rebels, which means the Rebel partner can help the Obliger partner do what they’d really like to.

Of course, your tendency isn’t the only factor that determines the success of your relationship. But it’s probably an under-appreciated one.

 

 

3 Invaluable Dating Habits That Get Easier Over Time

You’ve been dating & you’re serious about finding a relationship partner? Good.

Learning from your dates, so that you INCREASE your chances of truly connecting with someone special? Great!

Successful dating isn’t complicated – it actually comes down to 3 key dating habits. Here they are!

  1. Put yourself out there:  if you’ve been single for a while & not meeting anyone, dating can feel daunting. But it doesn’t have to be. Getting yourself out there is the first (and most important) step – you’ve nothing to lose but your single life.
  2. Practice makes perfect:  making small talk with someone new doesn’t always feel natural – but here’s the thing: awkward (or bad) conversation on a first or second date can be a real chemistry killer. Think of some interesting stories and topics that you enjoy and try them out on your date.
  3. Embrace the journey & you’ll reach your destination:  if you’ve been dating for a while – or using dating apps – it can be easy to fall into “the dating vicious cycle” (you’re unhappy with your dating life – you show it on your date – your date doesn’t go well – repeat). Its time you break this cycle – be positive & the best version of you on your date (whether you feel chemistry or not) and you’ll soon enter “the dating virtuous cycle” (you’re positive & fun on your date – your date goes well and leads to a 2nd or 3rd date – which makes you feel even more positive and fun on your next date – repeat – repeat – relationship!).

8 Ways To Meet Someone Special That Don’t Involve Online Dating

You’re ready for a relationship but tired of online dating. Its time you tried something new.

Not all ways of meeting people happen online – in fact, the best ones don’t.

But where can you find other fabulous singles just like you? Here’s 8 proven ways:

  1. Have a hobby:  where can you find someone like-minded? Doing something that you love, and they love doing too! Cooking classes, hiking, an art exhibit… it doesn’t matter what it is; what’s important is that you like doing it.
  2. Go wine tasting:  most of us wouldn’t approach someone up in a bar. But at a wine tasting evening the lovely liquid is a prop, a shared interest, and a conversational lubricant. P.S. Scotch tastings work too!
  3. Head to an alumni event:  attend a school, work or university networking event and reignite your mind; and just maybe, your love life too.
  4. Can you gig it?:  there is something about a grubby yet creative space that loosens people up. Pick a small-ish, intimate gig where you can chat music, spill your beer and swap festival anecdotes.
  5. Go solo:  whether you want to chill out on a beach, brush up on your yoga or climb a mountain, there are plenty of holidays out there for solo holiday goers where you can meet some top-notch singles.
  6. Attend a trendy singles event:  hipster-approved singles events are jumping out of the woodwork at a surprising rate. Find one that seems fun to you, and bring a friend or two along.
  7. Say ‘Yes’:  stop saying ‘no’ when friends or co-workers ask you out. Your chances of meeting someone when you’re out having a good time are as high as they’ll ever be.
  8. Hire a Matchmaker:  there’s a reason why the matchmaking industry is exploding right now – because matchmaking works – especially if you’re a busy professional or entrepreneur, or if you value privacy & screening! Contact us today and we’ll get you started meeting fabulous singles right away.

 

The 5 Most Important Things To Look For In A Partner

You’ve met someone new and you’re ready to take the next step – a relationship!

But what should you be looking for to tell if they’re truly ‘The One’ for you?

Well, there’s not just one thing. There’s 5 – and here they are:

  1. The same direction in life:  its important that two people have similar goals and trajectories for their lives. When your both heading in the same direction, you’re likely to end up in the same destination – happiness.
  2. Chemistry:  it might go without saying, but chemistry is a key element in successful relationships. It can take time to become evident, especially if you or your date are too nervous in the beginning to be yourselves, but it has to be present (at least a little bit to start). Don’t forget, chemistry that starts small but grows over time lasts for a long, long time.
  3. Looks & similar place in life:  two pillars of a successful match are looks and status (ie. where you are in life). If those two factors align, it’s likely that the rest will, too. Matchmakers often say: “If people like the way the person looks, they will like the person. If you’re relatively the same status, you will be happy.”
  4. Common interests:  maybe you both like cooking and share new recipes with each other. Maybe you enjoy hiking or hate-watching bad movies. Whatever it is that brings you together, there should be something that you both can talk about and partake in. Matchmakers often say: “They have to have enough in common to have a conversation and also to teach each other different things.”
  5. The intangibles:  some of the traits on this list are temporary, and that’s okay. While looks, status, and interests can change, they’re still important catalysts for sparking a connection and bringing people closer together. But even before these things begin to fade, look for someone who demonstrates evergreen qualities like kindness and respect. Matchmakers often say: “You don’t really need perfect teeth and broad shoulders when you’re 70 years old, but you should be looking for someone that genuinely respects you and makes you laugh and is kind. That’s what we find are the most important traits to look for in a match, are really the intangible.”

7 Simple Strategies To Help You Find Love

You’re single & ready to find your relationship – but where to start?

Here’s the truth: where you start doesn’t matter.  Any road will take you there, you just need the right strategy to find your special someone.

Here’s 7 simple strategies to help you find love:

1. THE ‘YOU’LL FIND LOVE WHEN YOU’RE NOT LOOKING’ APPROACH MAY BE WRONG:  that’s like saying, “You’ll find a job when you’re least looking for it,” it’s possible, but rarely happens. Be proactive!

2. GO WHERE PEOPLE LIKE THE SAME THINGS YOU LIKE:  you can skip singles events if you don’t like them, but you have to go where you can meet people. Join social groups or meet-ups; be a worker bee in a cause you believe in; get involved in political parties. At the very least, you’re doing something you like and at the very best, you’ll meet somebody like-minded.

3. DON’T SEEK ROMANCE, SEEK PARTNERSHIP:  romance is for dates, and it’s fun to have on occasion in your marriage, but it’s partnership that will get you through the rough times. Don’t look for someone who sweeps you off your feet. Look for someone who likes give-and-take, who seeks your opinion and considers it, who cares about what you want, too.

4. HAPPY PEOPLE ATTRACT PEOPLE:  maybe the biggest issue in not being able to find love is that you’re not feeling good about yourself. Like yourself and like your life — really work on that. You have to be the person that you’d want to meet. If you’re not a happy, positive, self-confident person, you cut your chances of being in the right space for the right kind of person.

5. INSTANT SEXUAL ATTRACTION OFTEN FADES:  most good love is a slow burn — it takes a while to develop. Attraction is important, but you don’t have to feel it right away since that instant spark is more about lust and less about the stuff of real relationships. Emotion can change and deepen over time so give people a fair shot.

6. BEWARE OF THE ‘OPPOSITES ATTRACT’ THEORY:  opposites attract at first, but they’ll likely face major friction points down the road. Like-minded people actually make for easier and healthy long-term relationships. The more you see eye-to-eye on, the less there is to argue and compromise about.

7. HIRE A PROFESSIONAL:  who says you have to go it alone? If you’re too busy to meet people on your own – or just not meeting the right type of person – consider hiring a professional matchmaker. You’ve nothing to lose but your single life! Contact us today at:  ExecutiveSearchDating.com to learn more.