It could be said there are 3 types of lies – lies, damn lies and dating lies. Half-truths, non-truths, supposed truths; all are a regular feature in the world of dating.
Successful dating starts with separating dating fact vs. dating fiction. Here are some classic ‘dating lies’ and tips on how you can spot them, and overcome them:
- The Internet has made it easier to meet your special someone: online dating and other modern ‘dating innovations’ can in some cases make it easier to meet people, but the lack of screening can make it challenging to meet someone truly compatible with you. Focus on meeting relationship-minded matches that have your basic criteria and you’ll get better dating results.
- All the good single people have been taken: in fact, the number of single people has stayed relatively consistent over the years or, in some cases, even increased. However busy singles tend to steer clear of singles bars and often don’t have the time or energy for online dating. Mixing up your approach is a good way to overcome this – ie. if you are looking to meet other single professionals, head out for drinks after work at a popular downtown drinks spot on a weeknight and you’ll find a very different selection of singles than you might otherwise find at a bar on the weekend.
- The male to female ratio in Vancouver is ‘way out of whack’: again, the truth is that the number of single women and men in the city is roughly equal and has always been so – if you don’t agree then go to a popular sports lounge on a hockey night (where you’ll find mostly men) or a wine tasting event (where you’ll find many women). Be creative in your search and attend some events that move you out of your comfort zone (an art exhibit, a poetry recital, a karaoke lounge, etc.), and you’ll increase the chances of meeting someone new.
- Chemistry has to be incredible on a first date or its not worth pursuing a second date: actually, true chemistry can’t always be determined on a first meeting. Look at a first date simply as a chance to meet someone new and, unless you are absolutely certain that you’re not interested in them, arrange to meet someone in a relaxed setting for a second or third date. Giving each date your full consideration will increase your chances of finding true long term chemistry with someone when you do connect.
It is said that you can’t create chemistry. But you can kill it.
Dating chemistry is not just physical attraction. In fact, its often the ‘non-physical’ elements of chemistry that are the more long lasting factors. Here are some clues that an unsuccessful date may be saying about your dating approach:
- The casual conundrum: Vancouverites are known for their love of casual dress, but this isn’t always the best approach on a first date. No, you don’t need a tux or a ballgown, but making an effort to look your best for a date is a sign of respect that might just get you a second look.
- Be present, or be forgotten: checking your messages, or not paying attention to your date can quickly turn a potential match into a failed date. Giving your date your undivided attention will put you in the best light, and increase the chances that you’ll discover more areas of compatibility with them.
- Checklist leads to checkout: no-one wants to feel as though they’re being interviewed on a date. The reality of dating is that you’ll likely not know true compatibility on a first date anyway. Leave the dating checklist at home and focus on having fun on your date, and you’ll find yourself going on more second dates and less first dates.
- Take the hint: not every date is going to be a perfect match. Don’t take it personally if your date isn’t as into you as you are in them. A polite follow up phone call or email/text is a polite way to thank your date and ask for a second date. But don’t be overly persistent if they don’t get back to you. Post date stalking may well stop your date from introducing you to his or her hot friend.
- Be the glass half full: being negative on your date, or about your dating life, will soon become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Be positive on your dates, even when the chemistry is not there initially, and you’ll find yourself and your dates having more fun. Fun, in fact, can lead to laughter, friendships and, yes, even chemistry.
In our hockey mad city, and nation, “normal” life stops when the NHL playoffs begin. But do non-hockey fans have to put their dating lives on hold too?
The answer: absolutely not! In fact, playoff season can be an opportunity for Vancouver singles (hockey fans and non-hockey fans alike) to kick start their dating life.
Here’s the secret:
- Feel the energy: its hard to get excited about Vancouver spring weather; so anything that creates a buzz in the city should be seen as a welcome sign for Vancouver singles. When else can you find a local pub or lounge jam packed on a Sunday or Monday evening!
- Fake it ’till you make it: don’t let your lack of hockey knowledge slow you down; show some interest and join in the fun… you’ll find men folk are often more open to chatting at a sporting event.
- Target intermissions: if you do want to say hi to someone new, aim to do so in the 20 minute break between periods, or before/after the game… trying to strike up a conversation during the action may lead to a very cold shoulder.
- Pick your spots: if you are planning a date night with a Canuck fan that you’ve recently met, best not to choose a night where the Canucks are playing. Spending a first or second date with a Canuck fan on playoff game night is akin to introducing them to your family after a first or second date: ie. not advisable!
- Keep it simple: trying to have a deep conversation at a crowded and noisy sports lounge or pub can be frustrating. Try exchanging numbers at an early stage and arranging to meet up again on another, quieter evening.
No other method of meeting singles in Vancouver generates as much press (positive and negative) as online dating. People are usually in two camps: those that like it, and those that don’t.
Whichever camp you are in, be on guard for these telltale ‘online dating danger signs’:
- Dating feels like a second job: when dating begins to feel like work, it’s a sure sign that poor dating results will follow.
- More bad dates than good: not every date can or should be a perfect match, but when you are having more bad dates than good dates it’s a sign that something needs to change.
- Dating dread: meeting someone new should make you feel excited… if you are dreading it, it will likely show.
- Misrepresentation: meeting people who are quite different from the profiles they presented to you online is not a good way to start a date, or a relationship for that matter.
- No connection: if you are having a hard time actually meeting anyone in person, or if you are meeting people but not getting to a second date, it may be time to re-think your strategy.
- Where is the fun?: dating can and should be fun. In fact, having fun and projecting a positive attitude is an essential element of successful dating. If online dating has stopped being fun and enjoyable, take a break from it for a while.
- Dating drop-out: continued online dating frustration can lead some to give up on dating altogether… our suggestion: don’t give up on dating – try a different method (such as a personalized matchmaking service like Executive Search Dating).
Dating professionals will tell you this: ‘Second and third dates (not first dates) are a MUCH better time to determine whether someone is a good match for you.’
But here’s the catch… if your first date is a flop, there may not be a second date. Fear not – here’s a quick and easy guide to making a GREAT first date impression:
- Be excited: excitement and positive energy is contagious… regardless of how well or poorly your work day (or week) has gone, let your date know that you are happy to be there.
- Be on time: nothing short circuits a good date more than showing up late for your first meeting. Plan a location you are familiar with, or plan on arriving early if you’ve not been there before. If you are unavoidably late, call ahead to advise your date so they don’t think that you’ve forgotten about them!
- Be prepared: come prepared with some good conversation starters (travel stories; fun things you did over the holidays; etc.), and a few ‘easy to answer’ questions for your date. Try to keep an equal balance between talking and listening.
- Be positive: a classic winning strategy for a first date! Avoid potentially negative topics (past relationships; work/family issues; politically or religiously sensitive issues; etc.); focus instead of fun topics, favorite travel stories, good concerts or events that you have attended recently.
- Be focused: turn off your cell phone or mobile device at the start of the date and focus on the person you are with. Being genuinely interested in someone is a powerfully attractive quality.
- Be forward: if you feel the date is going well, and you are both enjoying yourselves, don’t feel as though you have to wait 3 days before asking them out again. Try asking for a 2nd date before your first date is through.
- Be open minded: unless you are ABSOLUTELY sure that there is no chance of a romantic connection with your date, arrange to see them a 2nd or 3rd time in a more relaxed setting. A 2nd or 3rd date is a MUCH better time to establish if you are truly compatible with someone.