How and where do you meet new people in Vancouver? And, when you do see someone you are interested in, how do you create a strong connection and improve your love life?
In this new CTV Morning Live interview, Executive Search Dating President Paddi Rice answers these questions, and explains how to create “conversational momentum”!
Watch Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_D9lSVUiKi4
Professional matchmakers know this: one of the MOST important (and least discussed) criteria in finding a compatible relationship partner is ‘relationship readiness’; theirs and yours.
You may meet someone who has many or most of the qualities that you are looking for, but if they are not truly looking for a relationship then the chances of truly connecting with them are slim. In other words, its not you – its them.
Here are some classic signs that your date (or you) may be a “serial dater”:
- Fast love: feeling physical chemistry on a first date is an exciting part of dating; but true chemistry should last more than one night. Putting too much focus on creating intimacy on a first date (from their side or yours) can be a sign that there’s not enough focus on REALLY getting to know someone, which in fact is more important than immediate physical attraction or satisfaction alone.
- Just not into you (them): its natural for a first date to be casual and fun without getting too in depth about your date partner. But if after a second, third or more dates with someone you still find them not interested in getting to know you, or if you find yourself not interested in getting to know them; it may be a sign that the relationship potential is just not there.
- Job = Life: meeting someone who is passionate about their job can be a positive, particularly if you are a professional and looking to meet the same. However, if after a few dates, the only thing you talk about is your jobs, it may be a sign that career is more important than a relationship at this time. In such cases, ask the following question: “What do you like to do outside of work?”… if the answer is a puzzled silence, consider it a ‘red flag’.
- Prioritize what’s important: regardless of what you or someone else says they want, you tend to make time for the things that are most important for you. Everyone is busy, but if you find yourself endlessly rescheduling dates (or someone is doing that to you) it might mean that you really aren’t taking dating seriously enough. If you make a date, keep it. If you don’t want to spend your life single, then you’ll need to prioritize finding a life partner. Simple as that.
- The secret weapon: if all else fails and you still can’t tell whether someone is really serious or not after a number of dates, then simply ask them: “what are you looking for at the moment: casual dating, or something more long term?” Be prepared to answer this question yourself as well; whether you are looking for something casual or more serious, let the other person know where you are at. Honesty in dating is the secret weapon to success.
Everyone loves a spirited conversation. Some folks even enjoy a good argument. But if you are dating and looking to meet your special someone, being too open and/or “spirited” on your first date may kill your chances of a second date.
The key on a date is to be yourself, be interested and interesting; but steer clear of subjects that will make your date partner uneasy. Here are some topics to AVOID on a first date:
- Past relationships: perhaps the single worst conversation topic on a first date… talking about your ex sends a very clear message to your date partner: ‘you are not over him/her’!
- Your desire to have kids (or not): there is a time to discuss your family goals, but a first date is not that time. Save those details for a later date, and don’t forget, meeting someone special can change someones opinion on whether they want to have kids or not.
- Your dating “horror stories”: with the advent of online dating, there are more bad dates happening than ever before, and it can seem natural to want to discuss your dating “horror stories” with someone you’ve just met. Here’s the problem with this approach: your date partner will most likely come to the (logical) conclusion that they will soon become part of your dating nightmare, making a second date highly unlikely. Focus on being positive on your dates, and you’ll greatly reduce the chances of having more bad dates.
- How much you hate your job: having someone special in your life can be a powerfully positive counter-weight to a stressful or unhappy job situation. However, focusing on your job stress on a first date will send off a negative signal that will greatly reduce your chances of a second date with a possible relationship partner. The lesson: save discussing your job stress for a much later date; let your date partner get to know the positive version of you first, as that will also bring out the best in them. Job stress comes and goes; good relationships are built to last.
- How incredible you are: self-confidence is sexy; arrogance is not. Talking too much about your various exploits (your incredible job, car, house, life, etc.) can turn someone off and even make them feel insecure. Listening as much as you talk on a first date is always the best approach.
First dates can be many things: fun, exciting, nerve wracking and even terrible. But they can also be VERY informative and insightful about your date AND about yourself!
Here are 9 surprising things you can learn on a first date:
- Are they respectful: showing up late, constantly checking their messages and/or checking out the restaurant staff during your date are signs that the person you are with may not be worth being with.
- Are they balanced: someone who talks the whole time about their (stressful) job, and little or not at all about their non-work life, may be a workaholic, or they may just be nervous. To find out which it is, ask them what they do for fun.
- Are they serious: a first date is not a good time to determine if someone is your perfect match, but it can be a good time to see if someone is looking to meet someone special, or if they are just looking for a ‘casual encounter’. If you are unsure, a second or third date might be a better time to decide if you want to take the “next step”.
- Are they interesting: true chemistry can be hard to judge on a first date, but you can get a sense of whether you enjoy the person’s company and whether you find them interesting. This, in fact, is more important than pure physical chemistry on a first date.
- Are you interested: if you feel strangely nervous on a date, or find yourself getting easily flustered, it may be a sign that you have chemistry with your date. Having some nerves on a first date is normal and should be taken as a positive sign.
- Are you dating too infrequently: if you find that your dates are so infrequent that you feel totally awkward on a date, it may be a sign that you need to date more. Opening up your criteria, being more proactive in your dating life, and/or hiring a professional dating service can help get you on more quality dates, which will help you relax and enjoy your dates more.
- Are you dating too much: if you are having a hard time focusing on your date, or even remembering someones name and details, it may be a sign that you need to date less. Fewer ‘good dates’ with compatible singles is almost always better than more ‘bad dates’.
- Are they open minded: feeling like you are being interviewed on a date is never fun and rarely leads to a good date. If you find yourself in such a situation, try asking some lighthearted questions about your date (‘what do you do for fun’; ‘what’s the favorite country you have travelled to’, etc.) to see if you can change the mood. If you still find yourself being interviewed on a second or third date, it might be time to move along.
- Are you relationship ready: if you find yourself enjoying and really getting to know your dates, and if you find yourself going on second or third dates with all or most of your dates, it can be a good sign that you practising ‘positive dating’; which is the single best way to find a relationship partner.