With the advent of free dating apps like Tinder and Plenty of Fish, dating has become more of a ‘game’ than ever. And, like all games, there are winners and losers. Which side you end up on depends a lot on YOUR dating approach.
In the short term, those who know how to ‘game’ the dating app system may appear to have the most success. But in the long term, they don’t – here’s why:
- Playing, and losing, the numbers game: with free dating apps like Tinder and Plenty of Fish, you get out what you put in. In other words, the more messages and ‘swipes’ you send, the more potential matches you’ll have. Here’s the problem: this works well with games, but not with real people. As your volume of messages goes up, your match criteria must go down. No match criteria + profile misrepresentation = dating frustration.
- Being ready (part 1): in spite of what the free dating apps would have you believe, it’s what you put out that matters, not the time you put in. Being in the right frame of mind and projecting the best version of yourself on your date is critical to dating success… focus on less dates with serious matches and you’ll get far better results than endless dates with fellow mega-daters.
- Being ready (part 2): being that best version of yourself will help you avoid the dating world’s most tragic event – the dating vicious cycle: you’re burned out by too many bad dates; then you’re on a date with someone who is actually a good match for you; but the date doesn’t go well because you’re not projecting the best version of yourself; repeat.
You hear two views on dating today: either its the ‘Dating Apocalypse’ or its the ‘Golden Age of Dating’. So, which is it?
Here’s the key to deciding: you must separate the dating ‘facts’ from the dating ‘lies’. Here’s 3 lies that will STOP you from having dating success.
- A profile is a person: actually, no it isn’t. To see what REALLY makes someone tick, you need to meet them in person. It’s also the only way to know if you really ‘click’ with them in the real world. Turn off your Smartphone and focus on getting to know the real person behind the profile.
- What’s on the outside matters more than what’s on the inside: in fact, the opposite is true. Yes, looks matter – who are we kidding – but ultimately its whats on the inside that will create lasting chemistry and attraction with someone. Change your dating default setting FROM: “I’ll only see them again if the first date is incredible”, TO: ‘I’ll see them a second or third time unless the first date is terrible”. That doesn’t mean that every frog will turn into a prince or princess, but you’ll likely end up with a more fulfilling dating life, and some awesome new friends too.
- What’s important for me today will ALWAYS be important: take it from a Matchmaker – this isn’t always true, for two reasons:
- As you move through life you change, and your criteria change too – you may have been a ‘party animal’ in your 20’s, so meeting someone who liked to go out all the time was important. But in your 30’s, 40’s and beyond that may be less important than, say, someone who has a good job and is more relationship-minded.
- Even more important, meeting someone who you really connect with can CHANGE your perspective on important matters – maybe having a family or kids wasn’t a priority, until you meet a fabulous man or woman who you could see raising a family together with. The only thing constant in life is change – embrace it and you’ll have the winds of life and love at your back, not the other way around.
So you’ve successfully navigated the Vancouver dating minefield and met your special someone – great! Now you can just relax and live happily ever after in relationship bliss, right? Well, not exactly.
Truth is all relationships – including long-term, successful relationships – run into bumps along the road to marital bliss. What separates successful relationships from unsuccessful ones isn’t WHETHER they have issues, but HOW they deal with them.
Here’s 4 common relationship challenges and how to overcome them:
- Communication: at the heart of all relationship problems – with your loved one, friends, co-workers or family – is a communication problem. Commit to openly and honestly communicating with your partner and you’ll find otherwise big issues become manageable. At the heart of all successful relationships is mutual respect and mutual trust.
- Money matters: a key issue for many couples is when and how to talk about finances. Avoid leaving this subject until later – ie. when a serious financial issue arises. Work together in a calm and caring manner to develop your financial plans – it’s okay to have individual goals but you should also have family goals, too.
- Sex & Romance: as relationships move from the initial ‘excitement’ stage to a more settled pattern, it’s normal for couples to focus less on sex & romance – particularly when you add career and family stress. But the truth is this: sex is the last thing you should give up. Make time for romance, mix up your routine and communicate openly about your wants and desires.
- Self-Management: part of having a successful relationship is continuous self-improvement for both parties – this will help you avoid falling into staid and dull routines and make you both feel that your lives (and relationship) are moving forward. People who are skilled at self-management take inventories of their strengths and weaknesses and always strive for improvement. They know how to interpret disturbing events in positive ways and they work hard to reach their goals. At their core, great relationships are great partnerships.