The problem with dating sometimes, is that you’re on your own. In other words, there’s often no-one there to tell you what you’re doing right or wrong.
So, if you’re not having success in dating, the question is this: what are you doing wrong (if anything)? Step one: don’t panic. Step two: make sure you’re not making these 3 classic dating mistakes!
- No time to waste: when you’re ready for a relationship, it’s hard not to feel pressure to make one happen NOW! Unfortunately, that’s not really how dating works. Your best bet on a first or second date is to spend time getting to know the person you’re with, and make sure you’re both having a good time. When dates start feeling like ‘interviews for a life partner’, you’ll find your dates asking for the bill before you know it.
- All about me: sometimes in the pressure of the moment it’s easy to fall into the trap of spending the whole time talking about yourself. This can leave the impression that you’re not interested in your date or, worse yet, that you’re a bit full of yourself – neither of which will lead you to dating success. Aim for an equal balance of talking and listening on your date, and show a real interest in your date partner.
- Ho hum: coming prepared for your date with some basic conversation topics is fine, but beware of being so scripted that your date conversation seems stale or even boring. The best topics to talk about are often ones that come up during your date – things that you’re both interested or even excited about (Music, movies, travelling, etc.). If your date finds your conversation stimulating or even exciting, chances are they’ll be looking forward to seeing you again… soon!
One of the biggest mistakes you can make in dating is to judge someone too quickly on a first date. The reality is this: you’ll likely not know if someone is your perfect match on a first meeting.
The key to successful dating is focusing more on a second (or third) date with someone to determine whether they are a good match for you or not. But how do you know if your date is interested in you, and open to going on a second date? Look for these 5 signs:
- It’s in the smile: a smile is a person’s most basic way of showing their interest in you… if your date is smiling easily and often consider it a very good sign. On the other hand, if your date is frowning consider it a sign that you need to change topics.
- Doesn’t feel like a date: when conversation is flowing freely its typically a sign that the date is going well… avoid turning the date into an ‘interview’; keeps things casual, and you’ll increase the chances of a second date.
- Body language: as important as words, a person’s body language can often tell you how the date is going… if your date’s body language is open, warm and inviting its a sign that they are enjoying your company. If they are exhibiting ‘closed’ body language (arms crossed, body pointing away from you, tense, etc.) its likely a sign that the date isn’t going well.
- Fun times: if you are having fun on your date, it likely means your date is having fun as well. Focus on enjoying yourself and being positive on your date and your chances of a second date will be good.
- When in doubt, ask: the single biggest mistake singles make on a first date is not asking for a second date. There’s no need or reason to wait for days before contacting someone again. If things are going well on your first date, ask for a second date (something casual, a coffee, movie or an upcoming event that interests you and them, etc.). You’ll never have a better chance to ask for a second date, then at the end of a good first date.
In the world of dating & relationships, sometimes its not how you begin, but how you finish. However you think your date went (well, poorly or somewhere in between), your actions at the end of a date can dramatically alter the course of your Love life.
So how can you maximize your chances of finding a lasting relationship? Start by asking these 3 simple questions at the end of your date:
- Why not?: first dates often aren’t the best time to tell if someone is a great fit for you long term. Yes, you can decide if there’s strong physical chemistry or not, but that’s actually not the most important success factor of long term relationships. Instead of asking ‘why should I see him/her again?’, ask ‘why shouldn’t I see him/her again?’ This will lead to more 2nd and 3rd dates, and greatly increase your chances of finding your special someone.
- The next step?: committing to going on more 2nd and 3rd dates is a great idea – that will lead nowhere if you don’t take the next step. Be proactive – the best time to ask for a second date is on a first date that’s going well. And this is 2015, so men and women should feel equally empowered to do so.
- What’s my plan?: success in Love and life comes from having a plan. In other words, think about what your next date looks like. Listen for clues as to what your date likes to do, and things you have in common. If you both like movies, plan a movie date night to check out a show you’ve both been wanting to see. If you’re both active, plan a walk or bike along the seawall. If you’re both wine lovers find a bar or restaurant with a great wine selection. Hint: A mediocre strategy with a well thought out plan will often beat a great strategy with a lousy plan.
First impressions matter in life. Even more so in dating. A bad first impression can end a potentially great date before it even starts.
On the other hand, making a great first impression can dramatically improve your chances of connecting on your date. Learn the right signals to send and watch your Love life soar. Here they are:
- If you’re reliable: showing up late for your first date is a sure-fire chemistry killer. We’re all busy, but showing up really late on a first meeting sends your date the message that your time is more valuable than theirs. Be on time or, even better, show up a few minutes early.
- If you’re warm & friendly: a warm and friendly smile – “nature’s aphrodisiac” – sends the message that you are relaxed and excited all at the same time. This will relax your date and create a ‘virtuous cycle’ of first date success.
- If you care: you don’t need to wear a tuxedo or ball gown (in fact, avoid both on a first date!), but making an effort to look your best is an important part of making a good first impression on your date.
- If you’re sincere: a warm greeting – a handshake or a polite hug – sends a message of sincere happiness to see someone. Everyone wants to feel special, and they’re more likely to reciprocate when that happens.
- If you’re relationship material: avoiding someone’s gaze, bad posture or, worse yet, checking out other singles in the bar, sends a clear message that you’re looking for something more casual, or simply not interested in your date. Neither approach will help you connect with your date, particularly if he or she is true relationship potential.
Have you ever been on a date where things went wrong, but you couldn’t figure out why? Or a date where you thought things went great, but when you called your date the next day they told you they weren’t interested in seeing you again?
Well it happens. Sometimes chemistry happens for one person but not the other. But sometimes, just sometimes, there are warning signs. Learn how to read these 8 warning signs, and you may just turn a bad date into a good date, and on to a second date and beyond:
- Re-scheduling: in life, particularly for a busy person, things sometime come up last minute, forcing you to re-schedule. But if your date is constantly changing plans last minute, it may be a sign that they’re not really that interested.
- Late, not great: if your date shows up late without a good excuse, it’s a sign that they’re probably not that into it.
- Disengaged: if your date is not really engaging in conversation, or simply seems to be distant – it’s likely that they are just not into you.
- Distracted: when your date is spending more time chatting to the wait staff, or worse yet checking them out, it sends a message that they’re more interested in the wait staff than they are in you.
- Not listening: if your date keeps talking over you, or clearly isn’t listening to what you’re saying, it shows they’re not really interested in you.
- No questions: if your date is happy to talk about themselves, but doesn’t ask you even one question about yourself, it shows an overall lack of interest.
- Yawning: a yawn is nature’s way of showing that someone is bored.
- Arguing: if you find yourself in heated arguments with your date, particularly on a first or second date, it’s pretty much a given that things aren’t going well.