Monthly Archives: April 2016

7 Signs You Are RELATIONSHIP READY

Meeting the ‘right person’ is an important element in establishing a successful relationship. Equally important, however, is your own ‘readiness’ to meet that someone special.

Here are 7 classic signs of relationship readiness:

  1. Dating burnout:  does dating begin to feel like ‘groundhog day’, repeating the same old stories about yourself over and over to someone new that you have just met?
  2. Quest for meaningfulness:  do you feel an increasing desire to share meaningful moments with someone special?
  3. Future planning:  do you start thinking about sharing the future (home, family, summer holiday plans, etc.) with someone special?
  4. Tired of the bar scene and online dating:  do you start to think more about quality vs. quantity; ie. dating less but dating more compatible matches?
  5. More than just looks:  do you desire a romantic partner that not only physically attracts you, but who also has other qualities that draw you together (shared family values, intellectual curiosity, education, etc.)?
  6. In your thoughts:  do you find yourself thinking about someone frequently, and consciously making plans which involve them?
  7. Mutual admiration:  do you admire someone and truly value their opinions on important matters in your life?

If you’ve answered yes to some or all of these questions, you are relationship ready!

35 Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship

Do you ever wonder if you’re in a toxic relationship?

Relationships, even healthy ones, are never ‘perfect’. But a good relationship should make you feel secure, happy, cared for, respected, and free to be yourself.

Toxic relationships, on the other hand, make you feel drained, depleted and sometimes even distraught.

Here’s how to tell if you’re in a toxic relationship. If this sounds like yours, it may be time for a change (Source: Lolly Daskal, Inc.):

1. All take, no give:  any relationship in which you experience withdrawals of energy without deposits will leave you in the negative.

2. Feeling drained:  if, instead of feeling happy and productive, you’re always mentally, emotionally, and even physically drained, it’s time to re-evaluate.

3. Lack of trust:  a relationship without trust is like a car without gas: You can stay in it all you want, but it won’t go anywhere.

4. Hostile atmosphere:  constant anger is a sure sign of an unhealthy relationship. You should never be around hostility because it makes you feel unsafe.

5. Occupied with imbalance:  a one-sided relationship can never run smoothly.

6. Constant judgment:  in judgmental relationships, criticism is not intended to be helpful but rather to belittle.

7. Persistent unreliability:  mutual reliability is important to building trust and is at the core of any good relationship.

8. Nonstop narcissism:  if the other party’s interest in the relationship is really just a reflection of him or herself, it’s impossible to achieve any kind of balance.

9. Loaded with negative energy:  it’s almost impossible for anything positive to come out of a relationship filled with negativity.

10. Lack of communication:  without communication, there is no relationship. Period.

11. Continuous disrespect:  mutual respect is the first requirement of a good partnership.

12. Mutual avoidance:  if you spend your time avoiding each other, that tells you all you need to know.

13. Insufficient support:  if you cannot turn to each other, is there a reason to be in the relationship?

14. Ceaseless control issues:  if one person is in control, or a constant tug-of-war is going on, you’re probably spending too much energy navigating the relationship.

15. Never-ending drama:  good relationships improve your life; they don’t make it messier.

16. Persistent self-betrayal:  if you find yourself changing your opinions to please someone else, you’re in a damaging relationship.

17. Constant challenges:  all relationships go through challenges, but good relationships work through them.

18. Feelings of unworthiness:  it’s an insidious thing negative relationships do: They leave you feeling you don’t deserve any better.

19. Vibes of entrapment:  is the other person a positive force in your life, or are you there because you don’t see any way out?

20. Always undermining:  if a relationship can’t be reassuring, it’s failing a crucial test.

21. Empty pretense:  smiles don’t always mean everything is OK.

22. Packed with uncertainty:  when nothing is sure, forward movement feels impossible.

23. Brimming with envy:  partners are never equal in all aspects, but that should be a source of strength, not of a source of disruptive envy.

24. Shortage of autonomy:  anyone in any relationship should have the right to say no.

25. Permeates victim-hood:  you can’t move onto the future if you’re tied to someone who’s still stuck in the past.

26. Diminishes your self-worth:  when you’re in a relationship with someone who doesn’t acknowledge your value, it can be hard to see it yourself.

27. Laced with dishonesty:  every lie between partners undercuts a little bit of the relationship.

28. Makes you unhappy:  if someone is constantly making you unhappy, you owe it to yourself to let that person go.

29. Feels uncomfortable:  sometimes your mind needs more time to discover what your heart already knows.

30. Lowers your high standards:  toxic relationships can cause us to slowly begin accepting what was once not acceptable.

31. Senses stagnant:  growth and learning are vital, and you can’t afford to be cut off from them.

32. Cuts corners:  nothing is ever worth cutting corners, or accepting anything that is second rate.

33. Filled with criticism:  a nonstop barrage of criticism never helped anyone improve; it’s not about making things better but boosting the critic’s ego.

34. Brings out the worst:  if you are constantly being your worst, you cannot be your best self.

35. Cannot do anything right:  if you cannot do anything right, maybe the relationship is all wrong.

7 Dating Rules Every Single Professional Should Know

When you’re a busy professional, dating can be hard. Firstly, because you don’t have a lot of time to waste on bad dates. But also because you want to find someone like you – someone who has their life (and career) together.

But before you get frustrated, you need to understand some basic dating rules – rules that are very different than the rules you follow in your daily professional life.

Learn these 7 simple dating rules and watch your dating frustration turn into dating success:

  1. Leave it at the office:  it’s tempting to spend your date talking about your job, particularly when you’re with a professional single, but it’s a sure-fire chemistry killer. There’ll be plenty of time to find out more details on each other’s job, but a first or second date is not that time.
  2. Don’t worry, be happy:  no matter how stressed you are at work, do your best to project a positive attitude on your date. Being stressed on a date will lead to a bad date, which will only increase your stress level.
  3. Less profile, more person:  in today’s online world, it’s easy to base your dating decisions on someone’s profile or photo.  The truth is that real connections happen in the real world. Make an effort to meet someone in person before you decide if they’re right for you.
  4. The anti-interview:  avoid bringing a checklist (mental or otherwise) to your date. Once your date begins to feel like an interview, it’ll be over before you know it.
  5. The ultimate career-booster:  behind most truly successful professionals, is a loving relationship partner. Don’t look at finding your relationship as simply a ‘nice to have’, consider it an essential part of your future happiness AND career success.
  6. Turn off to turn on:  you may spend all of your work day in front of devices, but a date is the perfect time to turn them off and focus on the person you’re with. Always remember, your devices won’t love you back.
  7. Be smart:  if you’re time constrained and ready for a relationship, consider hiring a professional matchmaking service to help you find compatible matches. You wouldn’t buy a house without some professional help, so who says you have to go it alone when you’re looking for love?

A 10-Step Technique For Dating Success

Spring has arrived and you’re ready for a relationship. Now comes the tricky part: how to find your special someone.

Here are your options: luck, fate, chance, bars, online, through friends, work or activities, or hire a Matchmaker.

That may sound challenging, or even scary. But it doesn’t have to be. Simply follow these 10 easy steps and, before you know it, your love life will be back on track:

  1. Be positive:  you may be fed up with being single, but your best bet of changing that is to have a positive attitude about meeting someone new. People naturally want to be around people who make them feel good. Be that person.
  2. Be proactive:  waiting for your perfect match to come to you is a recipe for dating frustration. Put yourself out there, visit some new places, try some new activities, hire a Matchmaker! You have nothing to lose but your single life.
  3. Be persistent:  like most good things in life, finding your relationship may be neither quick nor easy – but that doesn’t mean it can’t be fun. It can and should be. If the methods you’re trying aren’t working, try something else.
  4. Be the person you want to meet:  imagine the qualities of someone you’d love to meet – genuine, sincere, active, takes care of themselves, interesting, fun, etc. – the more of these qualities you have yourself, the higher the likelihood you’ll find you’re partner.
  5. Be interested & interesting:  once you’ve met someone, be engaging on your date. Tell some fun travel stories, talk about movies you both love and listen as much as you talk when you’re together.
  6. Be the best version of yourself:  we all have down days now & then, but do everything you can to ensure you are at your best on your date. Dress nicely, be energized and fun – you’ll never get a 2nd chance to make a 1st impression.
  7. Be genuine:  relationship-minded singles are particularly drawn to singles who are genuine, and comfortable in their own skin. Trying to be someone or something you’re not may mean you won’t connect with your true match.
  8. Be prepared:  be ready for success on your date – think through how you’d like it to go, and be ready to propose a second or third date when your first date is gong well (which it likely will if you have this attitude).
  9. Be focused:  make your date feel like the only person in the place. Avoid checking out other people or the server, or checking your messages. Make them feel special and important and your chances of a second or third date will be far higher.
  10. Be serious:  once you’ve connected with someone, follow up and let them know how much you enjoyed meeting them. Make plans to see them again, and follow through. In today’s ‘dating app world’, there’s more dates being arranged than ever before, and also more dates being cancelled, re-scheduled, or simply never happening. Being reliable and true to your word has never been more important in the world of dating than it is today.

The 5 Easiest Ways To Instantly Ruin A Date

Have you ever walked away from a bad date and asked yourself “what just happened?” You were having a good time and already making plans for a second date in your mind, then ‘BANG!’, your date asked for the bill and headed for the door.

Well it happens. Here’s the thing about dating, to have success at it your date needs to enjoy it too, not just you.

If you’re ready to start having dating success, then stop these 5 chemistry-killing dating habits:

  1. The ‘I’s’ have it:  talking about yourself the entire date may seem like a good idea – or you may not even know you’re doing it if you’re feeling a bit nervous – but it’s a sure-fire way to make your date lose interest in you. Show a genuine interest in your date and you’ll find chemistry will soon follow.
  2.  The greatest chemistry-killer in the history of the world:  a frown sends your date the message that you’re not happy to see them, and that you’re probably not a lot of fun to be around. A smile tells them you’re happy to see them & that you like them. If you were them, which would you find more appealing?
  3. Texting, texting:  in today’s smartphone obsessed world, it can be hard to put your phone away. But texting or checking your messages while you’re on a date sends a clear message that your phone is more important that your date. And that’s a good thing, because you’ll be spending lots of alone time with your phone if you keep texting during your dates.
  4. Don’t you know who I am:  being rude to the wait staff on your date, or anyone else for that matter, sends your date the message that you’re not a nice person. I’m willing to bet you are a nice person, so treat others with respect no matter what their job, and that message will come through loud and clear.
  5. Look the part:  first impressions matter. In life, and particularly in dating. Do your best to look your best, and you’ll most likely get to a second date and beyond. Once you’re dating someone seriously, there’ll be plenty of nights you can dress down. But dress down on your first date and that future may never come.