If it feels like your dating life is bad, you’re lucky. The more difficult problem: you think its going great, when its actually not.
Online dating apps & social media can make you feel more connected – and they can be okay for dating casually or for friends. But what if you’re not meeting anyone you would consider as ‘relationship potential’?
The key to successful dating? Don’t be these 4 dating types:
- The perfectionist: the most likely place you’ll meet your dream partner? In your dreams. We all have criteria that we’re looking for in a partner – and that’s normal – but make sure your list doesn’t become so long that no-one makes the grade.
- The (overly) patient one: desperation is never a good look, and it certainly won’t lead to successful dates. But the flip side can be equally bad – waiting on your living room sofa for Mr or Ms Perfect to sweep you off your feet is a lousy strategy. Be proactive – get out with some friends, visit some new neighborhoods, go to a music festival! You may not meet your perfect match right away, but it’ll make you feel good – and that’s a very sexy quality indeed.
- The busy body: if you’re a busy professional, it can be hard to find the time to meet someone new – and spending your spare time swiping profiles on dating apps won’t help. Consider using a professional matchmaking service like Executive Search Dating. We’re specialized in helping busy people like you find compatible singles – no matter how busy you are. You’ve nothing to lose but your single life!
- Negative Nate/Nelly: dating can be frustrating, particularly when you’re not meeting the type of person your looking for – we totally get that. But beware the ‘Dating Vicious Cycle’: you’re frustrated about your dating life – your negative attitude starts making an appearance on your dates – which makes your dating life even worse – repeat. If you’re feeling down about dating, it’s okay to take a break for a while. Spend some time with people you love doing things you enjoy – putting a smile back on your face is the single best thing you can do for your dating life.
When someone finds you irresistible, its no guarantee you’ll be a great match. But its a pretty good start.
Sexiness doesn’t just happen – and its not just about how someone looks – science tells us there are specific traits that boost someone’s attractiveness.
So if you’re ready to be irresistible, do these 5 things on your next date:
- Its a funny thing: if you can make someone laugh, you’re half way there. But equally important, particularly for men, is laughing at their jokes. So whether you’re the comedian or the appreciative audience, the more you laugh the more you win in the game of love.
- Being liked is sexy: everyone wants to be appreciated, but over 90% of couples say a major factor in falling in love was discovering that the other person liked them. Spend less time in front of the mirror, and more time appreciating the person you’re with and your single days will soon be over.
- Talk it to me: when you’re on a date, real conversations matter (they really matter). Asking someone questions about themselves, actively listening and sharing personal stories sends the message that you’re open to a true connection. Random & superficial conversations send the opposite message: that this date will be your last.
- Personality is sexy: if you’re looking for something casual, then looks are most important & personality not much at all. But if you’re looking for a relationship, its the reverse. By all means do your best to look your best, but being a good person – easy to get along with, fun to be around, considerate & caring – will send the message that you’re relationship material more than any cologne or perfume ever will.
- How they make you feel is sexy: research shows we don’t really fall in love with a person – we fall in love with how we feel when we’re with them. In other words, your date may forget what you say, or even what you do, but they’ll never forget how you made them feel.
You want to really know a person? Watch how they act on a date.
Not all dating rules are written down – in fact, the most important ones aren’t – but here’s how you’ll know you’ve broken them: your dating life sucks.
But the reverse is also true. Follow the unwritten rules of dating, and watch your endless string of bad dates transform into “relationship-potential” matches. Here’s how:
- Be here now: being present on your date means staying focused on the person you’re with, even if you don’t feel that initial ‘spark’. The sparks that matter are the ones that build over time.
- Be real: in today’s digital-obsessed world, its easy to start thinking of people as simply online profiles & photos. Don’t. The true essence of your perfect match can never be distilled into words and images – only in the real world.
- Slow is the new fast: everything seems to happen at the speed of light these days – but truly connecting with someone takes the same time it took 200 years ago. If you’ve met someone you like, hit the pause button on meeting other people and take some time to really get to know them.
- Be honest but kind: leading someone on is not the way to go – but nor is making them feel bad. If you’ve met someone you’re just not into – even if they’re into you – be honest with them, but do it in a way that makes them feel good. A sincere compliment is a good start. Introducing them to a friend, even better.
- Device distraction: I get it, we all love our phones – and there’s nothing wrong with that. But here’s the thing, unless you plan on marrying your phone you’d better start putting it away when you’re on a date. Any questions?
- Second date mindset: instead of going on a date thinking “I’ll only see them again if its a spectacular date.” – try this instead: “I’ll plan on seeing them again – even as friends – unless the date is a complete disaster.” This was an unwritten rule until this moment – now that you have it in writing, make it happen.