When you’re on a date with someone new, its the words that are left unsaid that matter the most.
First or second dates can be tricky – sometimes you do “everything” right, but the date falls flat. Other times, you make every dating mistake in the book & end up truly connecting with someone.
So what gives? Well, maybe its not so much what you did or said – its what your date decided on their own. Here’s 4 things your date is thinking, and what you can do about it:
- Are you for real?: in today’s dating-app world, everyone wants to know if they’re with someone genuine – particularly if they’re serious about meeting someone special. Show that you are by being true to your word – show up on time; be present on your date; be fun & friendly, and ask for a second date (whether you think the date went well or not). Second (or third) dates are a much better time to decide if someone’s right for you – after all, not everyone’s the best version of themselves on a first date.
- Kindness matters: nothing sends a stronger signal about who you really are than how you treat others – restaurant staff, people around you, the taxi driver – even if you treat your date with the utmost respect, when you’re rude to others it makes them think you’re not showing your true self.
- Relationship potential: if you’re looking for something serious, start by being serious. This starts with having your life together – no, you don’t have to be rich – but act and sound like you have a life plan (a decent job you’re positive about; interesting plans for the near future and beyond, etc.). Most relationship-minded singles aren’t looking to be taken care of, but they’re not too keen on taking care of someone either.
- Glass half full: relationships are full of ups and downs – and nobody expects the future to be bright & clear all the time. But when you’re looking for that special someone, you want someone who’s positive. Someone who’s optimistic about the future & happy with who they are & who makes you smile. There’ll be a time for realism & showing each other who you truly are deep down on the inside – but a first or second date is probably not that time.
Sometimes its over before its even begun.
Making a good impression matters in life, and ESPECIALLY on a date with someone new. Without that initial spark, how will they ever know that you’re perfect for them (on the inside)?
Making the right first impression dramatically increases the chances you’ll make a real connection. Here’s how you can do it, in 3 minutes or less:
Step 1. The Spot: before booking a date, do you best to ensure its a good place to meet someone new – the right balance between a fun and lively place; and a place where you can hear each other (and get a reservation or a place to sit without waiting all night). If you’re in need of some good Vancouver date spots, call our Executive Search Dating Team at 604-714-0221 and we’ll send you a list.
Step 2. The Greeting: its easy to overlook the initial greeting. Our advice: don’t. Be prepared, be positive, be energetic, look your best, and smile. Try arriving a few minutes early and getting a table or nice spot at the bar; order some water for both of you and get ready to impress.
Step 3. K.I.S.S.: no, this doesn’t mean what you think – kissing someone you barely know is generally not advisable. It means: ‘Keep It Simple Stupid’ – don’t try ground breaking new conversational ground at the start of a date. Ask them how their days been; tell them how nice it is to see them; give them a sincere compliment; tell a light hearted story about your day; or tell them what you like about the restaurant and/or the location. Above all else: be positive. Complaining about your day, the traffic, your job or the restaurant staff will lead you to only one outcome: an unsuccessful date & continued singledom.
In dating, bad advice is worse than no advice at all.
Being unprepared for your date is not ideal, but its not the end of the world. Here’s what’s worse: being prepared for your date (with the wrong dating advice).
If you want success in dating, you need to balance preparation with being in the moment.
Sound difficult? It’s not – just start by ignoring these 5 terrible dating tips:
- Numbers game: some will say meeting your perfect someone is a pure numbers game – the more dates you go on, the better your chances are of meeting that special someone. They’re wrong. The only number that counts is 1 – stay focused on that.
- Dream it and they will come: positive visualization is fine – and if that makes you feel more positive its a good thing. But don’t forget the most important step – take action!
- You’ve got to be online: in today’s world its hard to avoid online dating. But just because everyone else is doing it, doesn’t mean its for you. If you’re a busy professional who values privacy and screening, then online dating is probably NOT for you. Try another method: hire a matchmaker, go to some fun events, host a party.
- Try everything: we’re all about trying different dating methods, but that doesn’t mean try all dating methods. There’s a dating method out there that’s right for you – but its not every method. Ask yourself this question: which way of meeting someone new sounds the most fun to me? Step two: do it.
- Be the “Mouse Trap” not the “Lion”: not everyone feels comfortable approaching someone new (especially in Vancouver), we totally get that. But waiting for Mr or Ms Right to come stumbling onto your lap is a terrible strategy. You don’t have to wander the streets approaching people randomly (in fact, please don’t!) – just put a bit more thought into where you go out (ie. places with a more open concept), where you sit (not in a corner), who you go out with (people who are fun & friendly) and how you look (smiling & enjoying yourself). If you’re going with the Mouse Trap Strategy – make it irresistible.
Some good dates fly by in an instant. Some bad dates seem to go on forever. Do you ever ask yourself why?
Because: good dates start well and get better. Bad dates start poorly and get worse.
First impressions matter in life, and even more so in dating. But its not just about how you look (although do look your best).
If you want success in your love life, do this one thing on every date:
- HAVE POSITIVE ENERGY
- Having positive energy shows you in your best possible light: they may not be blown away by your looks, but everyone wants to be around someone who exudes positive energy. It may just be your secret weapon to a 2nd date, and beyond.
- Having positive energy makes you feel good, and feeling good is good for you (and especially for your love life): if you don’t believe this, ask yourself this question: how does having low energy make you feel?
- Likes attract likes: everyone wants to be with someone who makes them feel good, right? So who do you think people with positive energy want to be around? (Hint: its not people with low and/or negative energy)
- Take charge of your happiness, and you’ll take charge of your love life too: I get it, sometimes you just don’t feel positive (especially if your love life sucks). But here’s the thing, if you can’t get excited about meeting someone new – stop dating. Take a break and do something that makes you feel good about yourself (and life). Go for a hike, spend time with some fun friends, do a girls/guys road trip. When you’re feeling good about life again, go on that date and show it.