Your relationship is not perfect.

But no-ones perfect, so expecting your relationship to be perfect is probably not the right approach.

However, relationship psychologists can predict which marriages will end in divorce 93% of the time.

How? By looking out for these 4 ‘relationship-killing’ behaviors. Learn them & avoid them at all costs:

1. Contempt:  a virulent mix of anger and disgust, contempt is far more toxic than simple frustration or negativity. It involves seeing your partner as beneath you, rather than as an equal. Basically, contempt is “the kiss of death” for a relationship.
2. Criticism:  like contempt, criticism involves turning a behavior (something your partner did) into a statement about his or her character (the type of person he or she is). Over time, these personal detractions can add up, feeding darker feelings of resentment and contempt.
3. Defensiveness:  if you find yourself regularly playing the victim in tough situations with your partner, you might be guilty of being defensive. Couples who divorce within the first several years of their marriage — one of the times when divorce rates are highest — “entering negativity is like stepping into a quicksand bog. It’s easy to enter but hard to exit.”
4. Stonewalling:  you know when an argument is about to start. You can feel your heart rate increase and your voice get just a tiny bit louder. But the moment things start to get heated, do you pull out your phone, walk away, or simply ignore your partner? Blocking off conversation can be just as toxic for a relationship as contempt because it keeps you from addressing an underlying issue.

Now, here’s the good news: Don’t panic!

It’s important to keep in mind that occasionally displaying any one of these behaviors — or all of them, even — is completely normal. It’s when these negative behaviors happen so frequently that they replace more positive interactions with your partner that can be cause for concern.

Simply recognizing that you’re doing something that could be hurting your relationship is the first step to actively combating it. If you can figure out how to avoid the behavior or replace it with a more positive one, you’ll probably make the relationship even stronger.

We’ve all seen the movie: boy meets girl, sparks fly, and they live happily ever after. But is that REALLY the way love works?

Actually, no. The truth is that you can and must IMPROVE your relationship skills – to help you find and build happiness in a long-term relationship.

Here are the 7 essential relationship skills:

1. Communication:  This category involves critically important skills: knowing how to listen, sharing your thoughts and feelings honestly, refraining from criticizing and encouraging your partner to share his or her feelings.

2. Conflict Resolution:  Conflict-resolution skills include techniques such as staying focused on the topic, staying focused on the present, being ready to forgive or apologize, knowing when to take a break.

3. Knowledge of Partner:  What’s his shirt size? What’s his favorite food? After communication, simply knowing a lot about your partner is a powerful way of showing that you care, and makes you better equipped to tend to his or her ongoing needs.

4. Life Skills:  Do you plan for emergencies? Do you exercise and stay fit? Studies show that people usually want their partners to contribute a degree of security to a long-term relationship. People also want their partners to take good care of themselves.

5. Self-Management:  This is not the same as life skills. People who are skilled at self-management take inventories of their strengths and weaknesses and always strive for improvement. They know how to interpret disturbing events in positive ways and they work hard to reach their goals.

6. Sex and Romance:  People with strong skills in these areas inquire and care about how to please their partner sexually, set aside time for intimacy, refrain from blaming their partner when sex doesn’t go smoothly, and try to stay physically attractive for their partner.

7. Stress management:  Do you know how to use breathing, meditation, or imagery techniques to help you fight stress? If you know how to avoid or fight stress, you’ll be better able to love and support your partner.

Your perfect match is out there, but they’re probably not perfect.

Those qualities that you THINK are the most important for your relationship success, probably aren’t.

Most importantly, beware of false ‘relationship red flags’ – start by ignoring these 5:

1. “Fit” to be tied?:  a lot of people think that it’s necessary to date someone who shares their same exact health and exercise values, but you don’t need that for a good relationship. As long as your partner respects your fitness goals (or lack thereof), and you respect theirs, your relationship should be fine.
2. Miseducation?:  not all education happens at a prestigious university – there’s lots of successful & very smart people who were too busy building a successful life or business to spend years in a university or college.  Instead of getting fixated on degrees and pedigree, try to focus on what your potential partner is doing with their life now.
3. Out of fashion?:  just because fashion is important for you, it doesn’t mean it has to be important for your partner, and it doesn’t mean you won’t have a great relationship. There is one standard that you should always hold your date to, however – hygiene. Clothes can change. Hygiene is harder.
4. Living separately together?:  having separate friends is healthy and it will only benefit the relationship in the long run if you don’t do everything together.  Making a point to spend some time with your friends without your partner, and vice versa, is a great way to avoid isolation and losing touch with your friends in your relationship.
5. Reaching for greater heights?:  if you’re looking for a lasting relationship (not just a casual fling), height should not be a huge concern. Personality, character, values & shared life goals are far more important for a successful relationship than someones height could ever be.