In a perfect world, dating is easy and rejection doesn’t exist. Everyone we meet likes us, and every date is exceptional. But in the real world of dating, rejection not only exists, its an essential element of successful dating.
But how can you turn dating ‘failure’ into dating ‘success’? The key is to learn these 9 things:
- No-one’s perfect, me included: there’s a fine line between self-confidence and arrogance. The former is good, the latter not so much. When someone rejects your advances, take it as a reminder that we can all improve.
- Practice makes perfect: you’re on a date with someone great and everything is going well. Until something happens that turns your date partner off. Make a mental note: whatever that ‘thing’ was, avoid doing it again.
- Continue the journey: the simple fact is that not everyone is made for you, nor you for them. Resist the urge to beat yourself up when a date hasn’t gone well and accept it for what it is: a natural and even healthy part of the journey towards meeting your special someone.
- Check your attitude: if you’ve been dating a lot and have found increasing rejection, it might be time to look in the mirror and make sure you are sending off the right signals on your date. In particular, avoid the ‘vicious cycle of dating’ – you get rejected, which makes you more negative on your next date, increasing the chances of more rejection. If you need to, take a break from dating for a few weeks or a month until you’re feeling more positive before you start dating again.
- When in doubt, ask: although not always appropriate, if you have met someone that you were very keen on and they’ve told you they’re not interested, ask them why? The answers may be helpful, and it might even increase the chances of a friendship developing even where there’s no chemistry.
- Seeing things from the other side: being rejected by someone gives you a valuable insight into how it feels to be rejected. Keep that in mind the next time you’ve met someone who’s keen on you, but you don’t feel the same way. That old saying ‘what goes around comes around’ applies in the dating world too: be honest with someone, but do your best to not hurt their feelings while doing so.
- It’s not you it’s me: one of the hidden advantages of dating is that you learn as much about yourself as you do about the people you’re meeting. Be open to change, particularly if you’re finding a few issues that always come up – ie. if you’ve been going on dates dressed very casually while your dates are showing up dressed to the nines, put more effort into your wardrobe, buy a new shirt, fix the problem. First impressions are important in life, and they’re VERY important in dating!
- True happiness is rarely a straight path: ask any ‘happily married couple’ and they’ll tell you this – all successful relationships have their fair share of ups and downs. The same can be said for dating; when you do eventually meet that special someone (and you will), part of knowing you’ve met ‘the one’ will be the dates you went on which didn’t go well.
- The ‘Kaizen’ dating philosophy: the Japanese philosophy of Kaizen (‘continuous improvement’) can be applied to every aspect of your life, and absolutely applies to dating. Reject the premise that you are supposed to be perfect, or that everyone has to like you. This is a road to frustration and even more dating rejection. Instead, try to be a better date every time you meet someone new – show up on time, be interested and interesting, dress nicely, be funny – and you’ll soon find your ‘below average’ dating life becomes a whole lot better, fast.