Professional matchmakers know this: one of the MOST important (and least discussed) criteria in finding a compatible relationship partner is ‘relationship readiness’; theirs and yours. You may meet someone who has many or most of the qualities that you are looking for, but if they are not truly looking for a relationship then the chances of truly connecting with them are slim. In other words, its not you – its them. Here are some classic signs that your date (or you) may be a “serial dater”:
- Fast love: feeling physical chemistry on a first date is an exciting part of dating; but true chemistry should last more than one night. Putting too much focus on creating intimacy on a first date (from their side or yours) can be a sign that there’s not enough focus on REALLY getting to know someone, which in fact is more important than immediate physical attraction or satisfaction alone.
- Just not into you (them): its natural for a first date to be casual and fun without getting too in depth about your date partner. But if after a second, third or more dates with someone you still find them not interested in getting to know you, or if you find yourself not interested in getting to know them; it may be a sign that the relationship potential is just not there.
- Job = Life: meeting someone who is passionate about their job can be a positive, particularly if you are a professional and looking to meet the same. However, if after a few dates, the only thing you talk about is your jobs, it may be a sign that career is more important than a relationship at this time. In such cases, ask the following question: “What do you like to do outside of work?”… if the answer is a puzzled silence, consider it a ‘red flag’.
- Prioritize what’s important: regardless of what you or someone else says they want, you tend to make time for the things that are most important for you. Everyone is busy, but if you find yourself endlessly rescheduling dates (or someone is doing that to you) it might mean that you really aren’t taking dating seriously enough. If you make a date, keep it. If you don’t want to spend your life single, then you’ll need to prioritize finding a life partner. Simple as that.
- The secret weapon: if all else fails and you still can’t tell whether someone is really serious or not after a number of dates, then simply ask them: “what are you looking for at the moment: casual dating, or something more long term?” Be prepared to answer this question yourself as well; whether you are looking for something casual or more serious, let the other person know where you are at. Honesty in dating is the secret weapon to success.