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7 Signs You’re A Bad Date And Don’t Even Know It

You’ve just finished your date, and it feels like things went great! But when you text your new flame later, they say they’re just not that into you… what gives!?

What happened is the date went great for YOU, but not for YOUR DATE.

Here’s 7 signs you’re a bad date, and how to fix it… fast!

  1. Late, far from great:  you may have a good reason for showing up late on a first or second date, but here’s what your date thinks – they are clearly not as important as the other things you had to do which made you late. If you’re tired of being single, start by showing up on time on your date.
  2. The world’s sweetest (worst) sound:  saying someone’s name (correctly) is one of the sweetest sounds your date will hear. Forgetting or repeatedly mispronouncing their name is probably the worst. Yes, its the simplest of things. And yes it matters (a lot).
  3. All about me:  talking about yourself the whole date probably sounds good to you; but likely not your date. If your date is serious about finding someone, they’ll likely want to feel that they can have their say too… let them speak.
  4. Nothing about me:  on the other hand, not talking about yourself at all is not the answer. This can come across as being guarded, which might lead your date to think you’re not interested in them (even if you are). Tell some funny stories about yourself or what you like to do; nothing too serious on a first or second date though.
  5. Distracted dating:  focus on the person you’re with on your date. Checking out other people at the restaurant or – worse yet – hitting on the staff or bartender, will have you back home (alone) in no time flat.
  6. Bored to dating death:  not everyone is equipped with a wicked sense of humor, or an amazing array of fascinating travel stories. But here’s what everyone does have: functioning ears. Put them to use by LISTENING to your date, which will uncover subjects that interest THEM. Next step, talk about that subject and show genuine interest.
  7. The three day rule is dating history:  in today’s world, waiting some proscribed amount of time to let someone know you enjoyed your date (1 day, 3 days, 1 week, etc.) just won’t cut it. No relationship in the history of the world ever failed to launch because someone reached out too soon after their first date to say how much they enjoyed themselves. In today’s smartphone obsessed world, 3 days can feel like 3 weeks. If you liked your date, let them know (and suggest an idea for your 2nd date). In love and in life, fortune favors the bold!

2 Snap Judgments Your Date Makes When They Meet You — And How To Overcome Them

First impressions matter – in dating & in life – whether you like it or not!

People generally ask themselves two questions when they meet someone new: “Can I trust this person?” and “Can I respect this person?”.

But this doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It just means you need to MASTER the art of the first impression.

How you ask? By doing these 6 simple things:

  1. Positive body language:  becoming cognizant of your gestures, expressions, and tone of voice and making certain they’re positive will draw people to you like ants to a picnic. Using an enthusiastic tone, uncrossing your arms, maintaining eye contact, and leaning towards the speaker are all forms of positive body language, which can make all the difference.
  2. Be the best version of you:  make an effort to look your best, and have positive energy. You’ll never bore someone into liking you.
  3. Ask before you tell:  ask your date some engaging questions. Trust and warmth are created when people feel understood, and they need to be doing a lot of sharing for that to happen.
  4. Put away your phone:  it’s impossible to build trust and monitor your phone at the same time. Nothing turns people off like a mid-conversation text message or even a quick glance at your phone. When you commit to a conversation, focus all your energy on the conversation. You will find that conversations are more enjoyable and effective when you immerse yourself in them.
  5. Start well:  in dating, all’s well that starts well. Be prepared with some fun conversational topics & avoid awkward silences at the start of your date.
  6. Active listening:  active listening means concentrating on what the other person is saying, rather than planning what you’re going to say next. Asking insightful questions is a great way to illustrate that you’re really paying attention. If you’re not checking for understanding or asking a probing question, you shouldn’t be talking. Not only does thinking about what you’re going to say next take your attention away from the speaker, hijacking the conversation shows that you think you have something more important to say. This means that you shouldn’t jump in with solutions to the speaker’s problems. It’s human nature to want to help people, but what a lot of us don’t realize is that when we jump in with advice or a solution, we’re shutting the other person down and destroying trust. It’s essentially a more socially acceptable way of saying, “Okay, I’ve got it. You can stop now!” The effect is the same.

4 Signs You’re A Perfect Match

Your perfect match is out there somewhere, but they’re probably not perfect. Then again, unless you’re ‘perfect’ yourself, meeting someone who is won’t necessarily be a perfect match for you.

The key to relationship success is finding someone who’s not perfect, but perfect for YOU. It’s not just about looks and immediate “chemistry”, its also about finding common interests and common ground that are the foundations of long term happiness.

So if you’ve met someone new and you’re wondering about your future relationship prospects together, here’s 4 signs that you’re a perfect match:

  1. Going places (together):  one of the easiest ways to tell if you’re a good match with your partner is to plan a trip together.  If one of you wants to hop in an RV and road trip to Mexico, while the other wants to fly first class and stay at a 5 star resort, that’s a sign that you aren’t a good fit. Travelling together (particularly ‘off the beaten track’ travelling) also tests your ability to make decisions together – a vital part of a successful long term relationship.
  2. Common interests:  as simple as it may sound, having some common interests that you love doing together is an important part of being happy together. Also, making an effort to try some new things that your partner likes doing can give you even more reasons to spend quality time together.
  3. Finding the right balance:  matchmakers will tell you that people who share similar attributes are generally more suitable long term relationship partners.  ‘Opposites Attract’ can lead to initial sparks, but problems down the road. Having said that, what’s most important is finding someone who compliments you. If you’re the life of the party, perhaps your partner is more grounded. If you’re extremely ambitious, perhaps your partner is more stable and supportive.
  4. At your best:  when you’re with someone who makes you feel good about yourself, your chances of relationship success are enhanced. This allows you to relax, be yourself & comfortable in your own skin. Couples who are constantly searching for things to talk about, or never feel truly ‘comfortable’ in each other’s presence, can struggle to find the deeper kind of connection required for long term chemistry and relationship success.

The Real Reason You’re Not Getting 2nd Dates Has Nothing To Do With You

If you’re looking for a relationship, online dating apps can be frustrating. Endless first dates that seem to lead nowhere.

But maybe its not your fault. Maybe its even a good thing?

The path the dating success is never a straight line. Even if it was, you’d never learn anything about yourself along the way.

Stop blaming yourself. You just need a new dating approach. Its simple, and here it is:

  1. Mix it up:  doing the same things over & over again and expecting a different result is a recipe for dating frustration. Stop swiping & put your phone down; get yourself out there and try something new: attend a fun event with a friend, or a summer music festival, or a hit a local hotspot in a new part of town. You’ve nothing to lose but your single life.
  2. Be the hunter, and  you’ll soon be hunted:  waiting around for Mr or Ms Right to come up and say hi is not likely to work. When you’re out socially – or even on a coffee break outside – smile, be friendly and strike up conversations with people around you (singles, couples, young & old alike). Its called conversational momentum and it’ll make you and those around you feel a whole lot better.
  3. Be the person you want to meet:  if you’re looking for someone active, get in shape. If you’re looking for someone outdoorsy, join a hiking club. If you’re looking for someone kind & friendly, be kind & friendly to others. Its not rocket science – heck, its not even science – its common sense, and it works.
  4. Be the most positive person in the room:  when you are on a date, avoid negative topics at all costs. Be fun, be happy, tell some funny or interesting stories – focus on making your date have the time of their lives. It may not lead you to a relationship right away, buts its a great start.
  5. Hire a professional:  you wouldn’t buy a house on your own would you? So who says dating has to be a ‘Do-it-yourself’ project. Professional matchmaking services (like Executive Search Dating) are booming these days for a reason – they work! Contact us today to learn more.

6 Things You’re Doing That Will Kill Your Relationship

Do you want to find the person of your dreams? Then be the person of their dreams.

Often, the biggest obstacle to relationship bliss is NOT your partner, its you. Maybe its time you take a step back, and get out of the way of your own happiness.

But how you ask? Start by stopping these 6 relationship-killing behaviours:

1. Stop sulking:  repeat after me: Sulking is not communication. Sulking is not communication. Sulking is not communication. Sure, your partner may eventually figure out that you’re pissed off when you cross your arms and pout, but you come across looking like a petulant child. Playing the wounded victim is neither cute or sexy. If you’re upset about something, take a breath and communicate. Here are the steps: Put on your adult pants. Open your mouth. Say something honest in a reasonable tone. Now, listen.

2. Stop trying to change your person:  I know you hate it when they lose their car keys again. While her absent-minded professor act was one of the reasons you initially found her so adorable, it stops being cute when you’re both late for a movie because you’re rifling through the couch cushions. But stop driving yourself crazy thinking that it’s going to change!

Most of the time, what we love about our partner also becomes that thing that also drives us absolutely mental. Take a breath and step back. Rather than wishing things were different, remember that your person wouldn’t be your person without their odd little quirks. And if you start feeling righteous, take a step back and think about all of the stuff that they’re putting up with right now, too.

3. Stop spending so much time together:  I know, I know, falling in love is so romantic! And when you do fall hard, you often want to merge with your new person. But pull back and take a breath. Coming up for air occasionally reminds you that you already have a life and -god forbid – if the relationship ends, you will have a life again. A little distance makes the heart grow fonder and allows you to appreciate your person a bit more. And wouldn’t you know, they’ll likely appreciate you just a bit more too.

4. Don’t sweat the small stuff:  Mom was right: don’t sweat the small stuff. When you freak out every time your partner leaves a dish in the sink, you’re basically sending them a message that being a control freak is more important than their feelings. Everyone in the relationship is trying their best: creating some wiggle room for human difference is part of relationship compromise.

Create boundaries when it’s important (“How about not leaving dishes in the sink for more than four days”), but give your person the benefit of the doubt when you can. A little latitude goes a long way. And when you can let the small stuff go, you’ll have the bandwidth for a meaningful discussion when something that actually is important comes up.

5. Don’t ignore bids for affection:  people communicate their love in different ways. Some buy gifts, others say nice stuff, some like physical affection, other people like doing activities together. It’s important to have these gestures acknowledged. However, it may not always be obvious when your person is reaching out for your attention. For example, they may say, “Wow, look at that bird over there,” and secretly mean, “I really want to share a moment with you so I’m finding something to connect with you about.” Even if you think it’s a dumb bird, respond to their intention rather than the content. Remember to appreciate all the small moments of connection that you have.

6. Love the one you’re with:  your presence and attention is the most powerful gift that you can give someone. If you’re hanging out with your honey and are constantly checking your texts and insta-feeds, you’re waving a huge red flag that says, “You’re not important to me.” Put your phone down (hey, turn it off) and have some real time with another human.

While being alert for these relationship buzz kills doesn’t guarantee that you’ll live happily ever after, it will certainly give you a better shot. By being on the lookout for bad behaviour, you will proactively derail those insidious bad habits that can so frequently undercut a good relationship. And in the process, you’ll get to know yourself better too.

11 Things People In Successful Relationships Do Every Day

So, you’ve met someone special and you’re ready to start a relationship together. Now comes the hard part.

Yes, ‘positive dating’ is an essential part of finding your special someone. But if your relationship skills aren’t up to par, it might all be for naught.

Here’s 11 things people in successful relationships do every day to make their relationships grow stronger over time.  Hint: you should do this too!

1. They ask for help:  when you ask for help several things happen. You implicitly show you respect the person giving the advice. You show you respect that person’s experience, skill, and insight. And you show you trust that other person, since by asking for help you’ve made yourself vulnerable. While it’s relatively easy to ask for help with something practical, it’s harder to ask when the help you need is personal.

People who want a successful marriage are willing to ask for help, both because they need help and because they realize their partner will in turn receive a lot in return in terms of self-respect, self-esteem, and self-worth.

They get to know they made a difference in your life, which we all love to feel.

2. They’re patient:  showing patience is an extraordinary way to let people know we truly care about them. Showing patience–which is another way to show genuine confidence in the other person–is an extraordinary way to let your spouse know you truly believe in him or her.

Showing patience is an incredible gift–because, ultimately, it shows how much you care.

3. They set a great example:  researchers at Washington University in St. Louis found that people with relatively prudent and reliable partners tend to perform better at work, earning more promotions, making more money, and feeling more satisfied with their jobs.

That’s true for men and women: “Partner conscientiousness” predicted future job satisfaction, income, and likelihood of promotion, even after factoring in the participants’ level of conscientiousness.

4. They compliment, they recognize, and they praise:  we all do some things well. We all have at least a few strengths, a few good qualities, a few positive traits…and that’s why we all deserve praise and appreciation.

Think of it this way: It’s easy to recognize great employees; after all, they do great things. But it’s very possible that consistent praise is one of the reasons they’ve become great.

People who work to build a successful marriage sometimes see the good in their partners before they see it in themselves–and that can provide the spark that just might help their partners reach their true potential.

5. They allow space and privacy:  everyone shares. Everyone “Likes” and “tweets”. Lives have increasingly become open books. Over time, we’ve started to feel we have the right to know more about others than we ever did before.

That includes our spouses.

But sometimes we don’t need to know. Sometimes the best gift we can give is the gift of privacy, of not asking, not prying–yet always being available if and when the other person does want or need to share.

It’s not necessary to know in order to care.

6. They actively search for opportunities the other has missed:  we all want to improve, to grow, to succeed…but sometimes we’re too deep in the trees to notice the forest.

People working to build a successful marriage take the time to look for the opportunities their partner might have missed. They’re able to not only know your dreams but to help you work towards those dreams–and to help open doors that might otherwise have remained closed.

They want you to succeed, because…

7. They find happiness in their partner’s success:  great business teams win because their most talented members are willing to sacrifice to make others happy. Great teams are made up of employees who help each other, know their roles, set aside personal goals, and value team success over everything else.

And that’s exactly how great marriages work.

Every great entrepreneur answers the question, “Can you make the choice that your happiness will come from the success of others?” with a resounding “Yes!”

So do people who want their spouse–and their marriage–to be successful.

8. They’re sincere and genuine:  lip service is easy to pay. Sometimes it’s harder to show sincere excitement when things go well. Sometimes it’s harder to show sincere appreciation for a thoughtful gesture, a kind word, or extra effort. Sometimes it’s harder to show sincere disappointment–with others, sure, but also with yourself.

People who want a successful marriage openly celebrate. They openly empathize. They openly worry. In short, they’re openly human.

Your spouse married a person. Be a person. Be the person you are.

9. They know that sometimes tough love is the best love:  I’m not perfect. You’re not perfect. We all want to be better than we are. Yet we all fall into habits, fall into patterns, develop blind spots…and that’s why we all need constructive feedback. That’s why we all need advice, guidance, and sometimes a swift kick in the pants.

It’s easy to make a snarky comment. It’s easy to frown or smirk or look disappointed. It’s a lot tougher to say, especially to someone you care about, “I know you’re capable of a lot more.”

Think about a time when someone told you what you least wanted to hear…and yet most needed to hear. You’ve never forgotten what that person said. It changed your life.

Now go change your spouse’s life.

10. They weigh the personal against the practical:  sometimes seeking professional success can impact the success of your marriage.

Here’s an example: According to at least one study, if one spouse commutes longer than 45 minutes, that couple is 40 percent more likely to get divorced.

(There are some caveats. If you’ve already spent five years or more commuting more than 45 minutes, then you’re only 1 percent more likely to get divorced than couples with short commutes. In all likelihood, that’s because you’ve worked through the practical and emotional issues involved. Plus, if one of you had a long commute before you started your relationship, then you’re also a lot less likely to get divorced than husbands or wives who start a long commute later in their relationship.)

Just in practical terms, a long commute might not be worth it. According to another study, economists determined a 40 percent increase in pay is necessary to make an additional hour of commuting time pay off in terms of personal satisfaction and fulfillment. A few dollars an hour more won’t make you happy if you have to drive an extra hour every day to earn it.

Factor that in with the potential cost to your relationship, and personal considerations could definitely outweigh practical advantages.

People working to build a successful marriage always look at the big picture. Professional success is just one factor in the happiness equation. Make sure you look at every factor–especially the health of your marriage.

11. They build a shared sense of purpose:  fulfillment is often found in becoming a part of something bigger. We all love to feel that special sense of teamwork and togetherness that turns a task into a quest, a group of individuals into a real team.

We all look for that at work…but where we really need to feel it is at home.

Together, create your own mission. Create your own vision. Decide where you want to go, together, and make a plan to get there together.

Few things will make you feel more like a couple than being able to say, “We did that.”

Go do that.

The 5 Best Ways To Impress Your Date

If you’re on a date, first impressions matter. But second impressions matter even more.

In your perfect dating world, everyone will see you for who you really are – and that’s true (eventually).

But to make it that far, you need to make a positive impression on your date. How? Here’s 5 proven ways:

  1. Too late:  in dating, its often the simplest things that matter. Arriving late to your date may not seem like a big deal to you; buts its probably a big deal to your date. It sends the message that your time is more important than theirs. Stop with the excuses! Show up on time to every date – or better yet, 5 minutes early.
  2. Be excited (or fake it):  you may find it hard to muster any excitement on a first or second date – particularly if you’ve had a long, hard day;  or your dating life is frustrating, or… (fill in your excuse here).  But here’s the thing – if your date senses you’re not excited to see them, why on earth should they be excited to see you – let alone consider starting a relationship with you!? Be energetic & excited on your date. If you don’t feel that way, fake it.
  3. Positively positive:  griping about your day, your job, your dating life, how you’re really feeling, etc, is a perfectly natural thing to do when you’re with your friends, family or co-workers. But on a first or second date, its a true chemistry-killer. Keep things positive on your date; there’ll be plenty of time in the future to open up about your issues, but a first or second date is not that time.
  4. I hear you:  there is no greater skill you can display on a date than this – be a good listener. Active listening sends your date the message that you care, that you’re interested in them & that you’re fun to be around. In other words – that you’re great relationship material. Did you hear that?
  5. Chivalry is (not) dead:  (Men, this applies mostly to you) did you hear that one about chivalry being dead? Its dead alright – dead wrong. Men and women are equals (of course!), but that doesn’t mean you can’t display some common courtesies on your date – holding the door, offering your jacket or sweater if your date is cold, walking your date to their car or taxi at the end of your date, etc. If you’re treating your date exactly as you treat your friends, expect your date to consider you as ‘friend material’, and not ‘relationship potential’.

4 Behaviors That Predict Divorce

Your relationship is not perfect.

But no-ones perfect, so expecting your relationship to be perfect is probably not the right approach.

However, relationship psychologists can predict which marriages will end in divorce 93% of the time.

How? By looking out for these 4 ‘relationship-killing’ behaviors. Learn them & avoid them at all costs:

  1. Contempt:  a virulent mix of anger and disgust, contempt is far more toxic than simple frustration or negativity. It involves seeing your partner as beneath you, rather than as an equal. Basically, contempt is “the kiss of death” for a relationship.
  2. Criticism:  like contempt, criticism involves turning a behavior (something your partner did) into a statement about his or her character (the type of person he or she is). Over time, these personal detractions can add up, feeding darker feelings of resentment and contempt.
  3. Defensiveness:  if you find yourself regularly playing the victim in tough situations with your partner, you might be guilty of being defensive. Couples who divorce within the first several years of their marriage — one of the times when divorce rates are highest — “entering negativity is like stepping into a quicksand bog. It’s easy to enter but hard to exit.”
  4. Stonewalling:  you know when an argument is about to start. You can feel your heart rate increase and your voice get just a tiny bit louder. But the moment things start to get heated, do you pull out your phone, walk away, or simply ignore your partner? Blocking off conversation can be just as toxic for a relationship as contempt because it keeps you from addressing an underlying issue.

Now, here’s the good news: Don’t panic!

It’s important to keep in mind that occasionally displaying any one of these behaviors — or all of them, even — is completely normal. It’s when these negative behaviors happen so frequently that they replace more positive interactions with your partner that can be cause for concern.

Simply recognizing that you’re doing something that could be hurting your relationship is the first step to actively combating it. If you can figure out how to avoid the behavior or replace it with a more positive one, you’ll probably make the relationship even stronger.

 

7 Essential Relationship Skills

We’ve all seen the movie: boy meets girl, sparks fly, and they live happily ever after. But is that REALLY the way love works?

Actually, no. The truth is that you can and must IMPROVE your relationship skills – to help you find and build happiness in a long-term relationship.

Here are the 7 essential relationship skills:

1. Communication:  This category involves critically important skills: knowing how to listen, sharing your thoughts and feelings honestly, refraining from criticizing and encouraging your partner to share his or her feelings.

2. Conflict Resolution:  Conflict-resolution skills include techniques such as staying focused on the topic, staying focused on the present, being ready to forgive or apologize, knowing when to take a break.

3. Knowledge of Partner:  What’s his shirt size? What’s his favorite food? After communication, simply knowing a lot about your partner is a powerful way of showing that you care, and makes you better equipped to tend to his or her ongoing needs.

4. Life Skills:  Do you plan for emergencies? Do you exercise and stay fit? Studies show that people usually want their partners to contribute a degree of security to a long-term relationship. People also want their partners to take good care of themselves.

5. Self-Management:  This is not the same as life skills. People who are skilled at self-management take inventories of their strengths and weaknesses and always strive for improvement. They know how to interpret disturbing events in positive ways and they work hard to reach their goals.

6. Sex and Romance:  People with strong skills in these areas inquire and care about how to please their partner sexually, set aside time for intimacy, refrain from blaming their partner when sex doesn’t go smoothly, and try to stay physically attractive for their partner.

7. Stress management:  Do you know how to use breathing, meditation, or imagery techniques to help you fight stress? If you know how to avoid or fight stress, you’ll be better able to love and support your partner.

5 “Relationship Red Flags” That Aren’t As Big A Deal As You Think

Your perfect match is out there, but they’re probably not perfect.

Those qualities that you THINK are the most important for your relationship success, probably aren’t.

Most importantly, beware of false ‘relationship red flags’ – start by ignoring these 5:

  1. “Fit” to be tied?:  a lot of people think that it’s necessary to date someone who shares their same exact health and exercise values, but you don’t need that for a good relationship. As long as your partner respects your fitness goals (or lack thereof), and you respect theirs, your relationship should be fine.
  2. Miseducation?:  not all education happens at a prestigious university – there’s lots of successful & very smart people who were too busy building a successful life or business to spend years in a university or college.  Instead of getting fixated on degrees and pedigree, try to focus on what your potential partner is doing with their life now.
  3. Out of fashion?:  just because fashion is important for you, it doesn’t mean it has to be important for your partner, and it doesn’t mean you won’t have a great relationship. There is one standard that you should always hold your date to, however – hygiene. Clothes can change. Hygiene is harder.
  4. Living separately together?:  having separate friends is healthy and it will only benefit the relationship in the long run if you don’t do everything together.  Making a point to spend some time with your friends without your partner, and vice versa, is a great way to avoid isolation and losing touch with your friends in your relationship.
  5. Reaching for greater heights?:  if you’re looking for a lasting relationship (not just a casual fling), height should not be a huge concern. Personality, character, values & shared life goals are far more important for a successful relationship than someones height could ever be.