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7 Signs Your Date Is Relationship Material

Are you tired of hearing about dating ‘red flags’?

Good. Let’s talk instead about some dating ‘green flags’!

If you’re ready for a relationship, look for these 7 ‘relationship material’ qualities on your next date:

  1. They keep their word:  their words and actions match. If they make a commitment to something, they follow through. It’s okay if not everything’s perfect, if you can count on them to try their best every time.
  2. They actively listen:  like, really listen. They want to hear what you have to say, even when the conversations are tough. They listen extra closely when you’re distressed, because what matters to you matters to them.
  3. They know how to share:  they listen but they communicate well, too. They express their feelings and communicate clearly. You’re able to have difficult conversations with them—money, insecurities, you name it. It’s not easy to keep a cool head in tough conversations. Give them points for this one.
  4. They’re sensitive to your needs:  everybody has triggers and sensitivities. A good partner is aware of yours and will tailor their behavior to accommodate them. It’s not about convenience. It’s about compassion.
  5. They respect boundaries:  just like it says, they respect your boundaries. You need friend time? Great. Alone time? Perfect. A good partner will know that when you draw a line in the sand, they should respect it. With any luck, they’ll set their own rules to reinforce strong communication in the relationship.
  6. They apologize:  apologies are a major part of conflict resolution. I mean deep, sincere apology. It’s important to be able to admit when you’re wrong or more importantly when you’ve hurt someone. If your partner is able to let go of their pride and acknowledge fault, it’s a big deal.
  7. They compromise:  this is really important, because no partners see eye to eye on everything. Healthy relationships are not the ones that have the most in common, but the ones most willing to meet in the middle.

The Do’s & Don’ts Of Office Romance – 11 Rules For Dating A Coworker

Office romances can be very tricky and are generally not recommended. But they do happen – and when they do – there are three possible outcomes:

  • The relationship turns sour and your reputation and career take a beating.
  • it ends, but you’re both mature and cordial and don’t let the breakup affect your work.
  • or things work out.

It’s up to you to figure out whether pursuing an office relationship is worth the possible consequences, good and bad. If you decide it is, here are a few “rules” you’ll want to follow to ensure things don’t go awry:

  1. Take it slow:  try being friends inside and outside the office before you make any moves. People sometimes act differently at work than they do in their personal life. Before you risk hurting your reputation at work, find out if this person is someone you’d want to spend weekends with.
  2. Know the formal policy:  check the company handbook to find out if there are any policies related to interoffice relationships. Even if there are no explicit policies against it, find out how upper management feels about office romances. If they’re common and happen in your workplace all the time, great. If not, maybe that’s something to consider.
  3. Avoid your boss or direct reports:  if you’re thinking about pursuing an office romance, consider your rank or position, as well as theirs. Dating your boss or your direct report can be particularly dangerous for a variety of reasons.
  4. Keep things quiet early on:  once you have a sense that this might have a future, talk to your partner and decide how and when you want to disclose your relationships to your colleagues. If the rumor mill goes into high gear, that might be the right time. If nobody seems to notice, there’s no reason to share.
  5. Get on the same page:  you and your new partner need to agree on some ground rules and come up with a plan for how you will keep it professional and stay within written or unwritten rules. What will be your plan ‘B’ if the heat is on from a supervisor, from gossip, or if things go awry?
  6. Be professional at all times:  you may have the burden of overcompensating with professionalism and keeping an artificial distance, which can be an awkward strain. Better to overcompensate than to constantly test the limits of workplace etiquette while hoping for the best.
  7. Be sensitive and respectful to others:  focus on work and do your job – especially if you want to mitigate gossip. Talking about the relationship can be distracting or make colleagues feel uncomfortable, so don’t do it.
  8. Know the potential legal pitfalls:  employees are generally encouraged to report incidents of sexual harassment or events that create a hostile work environment. Since the sensitivities of the workforce are varied and subjective, there’s always a risk of offending someone. One complaint to HR for PDA, showing preferential treatment, or using words of endearment in public will at the very least trigger an investigation.
  9. Remain focused on your work:  spend your time as if you are not dating this person. Don’t get caught up in long conversations, two-hour lunches, or emailing with your partner when you should be working on projects or preparing for meetings.
  10. Remain ethical:  it’s unfair and unethical to give your significant other’s work more attention and to make decisions that ultimately benefit them. So while it may be tempting, stop yourself before you get yourself into trouble.
  11. Don’t let disagreements affect your work:  this may be one of the hardest rules to follow. What happens at home or in your personal life (no matter who you’re dating) almost always affects your attitude, which affects your work – it’s just a fact of life. But try your hardest not to let your disagreements with your partner affect the decisions you make or how your treat others at work.

11 Things Your Date Decides Within Seconds Of Meeting You

Sometimes, your date is over before it even begins.

First impressions matter, in dating & in life. Giving someone the wrong impression about you at the start of your date can ruin your chances – even if you’re both actually a perfect match!

But here’s the good news: you can control the first impression you present to your date & INCREASE your chances of a love connection. Here’s how:

  1. Worth it:  showing up tired or disheveled will send a clear message that you’re just not into them (even if you are ). Make an effort.
  2. Trust:  being true to your word helps build trust; constantly re-scheduling your date sends the opposite message. Make your plan, then make it happen.
  3. Respect:  showing up late to your date sends a subtle message that your time is worth more than theirs. Be on time.
  4. Life together:  your appearance matters, and says a lot about who and where you are in life.  Do your best to look your best.
  5. Smart:  holding someone’s gaze while you’re talking sends a message that you’re smart. Stay focused on them, and they’ll be focused on you.
  6. Confident:  nerves are a natural part of a first date, but smiling sends a message of confidence, the sexiest quality of all.
  7. Kind:  holding the door & saying thank you (to your date and the restaurant staff) sends a message that you’re kind – and who doesn’t want to spend time with someone kind?
  8. Interesting:  be prepared with some interesting conversation topics; ideally ones that you know your date will be interested in too. Boring someone into submission is a terrible strategy.
  9. Interested:  active listening is the key to a real connection and, ultimately, a successful date (and relationship). Listen at least as much as you talk on your date.
  10. Serious:  if you’re date’s going well, don’t wait until the next day or even the end of the date to propose a 2nd date. You’ll never have a better chance.
  11. Sincere:  tell a story that tells your date something about you – perhaps a recent travel story, or a concert/movie you saw recently and loved (and why). Hint: avoid negative topics or overly personal stories; at least on a first date.

7 Signs You’re A Bad Date And Don’t Even Know It

You’ve just finished your date, and it feels like things went great! But when you text your new flame later, they say they’re just not that into you… what gives!?

What happened is the date went great for YOU, but not for YOUR DATE.

Here’s 7 signs you’re a bad date, and how to fix it… fast!

  1. Late, far from great:  you may have a good reason for showing up late on a first or second date, but here’s what your date thinks – they are clearly not as important as the other things you had to do which made you late. If you’re tired of being single, start by showing up on time on your date.
  2. The world’s sweetest (worst) sound:  saying someone’s name (correctly) is one of the sweetest sounds your date will hear. Forgetting or repeatedly mispronouncing their name is probably the worst. Yes, its the simplest of things. And yes it matters (a lot).
  3. All about me:  talking about yourself the whole date probably sounds good to you; but likely not your date. If your date is serious about finding someone, they’ll likely want to feel that they can have their say too… let them speak.
  4. Nothing about me:  on the other hand, not talking about yourself at all is not the answer. This can come across as being guarded, which might lead your date to think you’re not interested in them (even if you are). Tell some funny stories about yourself or what you like to do; nothing too serious on a first or second date though.
  5. Distracted dating:  focus on the person you’re with on your date. Checking out other people at the restaurant or – worse yet – hitting on the staff or bartender, will have you back home (alone) in no time flat.
  6. Bored to dating death:  not everyone is equipped with a wicked sense of humor, or an amazing array of fascinating travel stories. But here’s what everyone does have: functioning ears. Put them to use by LISTENING to your date, which will uncover subjects that interest THEM. Next step, talk about that subject and show genuine interest.
  7. The three day rule is dating history:  in today’s world, waiting some proscribed amount of time to let someone know you enjoyed your date (1 day, 3 days, 1 week, etc.) just won’t cut it. No relationship in the history of the world ever failed to launch because someone reached out too soon after their first date to say how much they enjoyed themselves. In today’s smartphone obsessed world, 3 days can feel like 3 weeks. If you liked your date, let them know (and suggest an idea for your 2nd date). In love and in life, fortune favors the bold!

2 Snap Judgments Your Date Makes When They Meet You — And How To Overcome Them

First impressions matter – in dating & in life – whether you like it or not!

People generally ask themselves two questions when they meet someone new: “Can I trust this person?” and “Can I respect this person?”.

But this doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It just means you need to MASTER the art of the first impression.

How you ask? By doing these 6 simple things:

  1. Positive body language:  becoming cognizant of your gestures, expressions, and tone of voice and making certain they’re positive will draw people to you like ants to a picnic. Using an enthusiastic tone, uncrossing your arms, maintaining eye contact, and leaning towards the speaker are all forms of positive body language, which can make all the difference.
  2. Be the best version of you:  make an effort to look your best, and have positive energy. You’ll never bore someone into liking you.
  3. Ask before you tell:  ask your date some engaging questions. Trust and warmth are created when people feel understood, and they need to be doing a lot of sharing for that to happen.
  4. Put away your phone:  it’s impossible to build trust and monitor your phone at the same time. Nothing turns people off like a mid-conversation text message or even a quick glance at your phone. When you commit to a conversation, focus all your energy on the conversation. You will find that conversations are more enjoyable and effective when you immerse yourself in them.
  5. Start well:  in dating, all’s well that starts well. Be prepared with some fun conversational topics & avoid awkward silences at the start of your date.
  6. Active listening:  active listening means concentrating on what the other person is saying, rather than planning what you’re going to say next. Asking insightful questions is a great way to illustrate that you’re really paying attention. If you’re not checking for understanding or asking a probing question, you shouldn’t be talking. Not only does thinking about what you’re going to say next take your attention away from the speaker, hijacking the conversation shows that you think you have something more important to say. This means that you shouldn’t jump in with solutions to the speaker’s problems. It’s human nature to want to help people, but what a lot of us don’t realize is that when we jump in with advice or a solution, we’re shutting the other person down and destroying trust. It’s essentially a more socially acceptable way of saying, “Okay, I’ve got it. You can stop now!” The effect is the same.

4 Signs You’re A Perfect Match

Your perfect match is out there somewhere, but they’re probably not perfect. Then again, unless you’re ‘perfect’ yourself, meeting someone who is won’t necessarily be a perfect match for you.

The key to relationship success is finding someone who’s not perfect, but perfect for YOU. It’s not just about looks and immediate “chemistry”, its also about finding common interests and common ground that are the foundations of long term happiness.

So if you’ve met someone new and you’re wondering about your future relationship prospects together, here’s 4 signs that you’re a perfect match:

  1. Going places (together):  one of the easiest ways to tell if you’re a good match with your partner is to plan a trip together.  If one of you wants to hop in an RV and road trip to Mexico, while the other wants to fly first class and stay at a 5 star resort, that’s a sign that you aren’t a good fit. Travelling together (particularly ‘off the beaten track’ travelling) also tests your ability to make decisions together – a vital part of a successful long term relationship.
  2. Common interests:  as simple as it may sound, having some common interests that you love doing together is an important part of being happy together. Also, making an effort to try some new things that your partner likes doing can give you even more reasons to spend quality time together.
  3. Finding the right balance:  matchmakers will tell you that people who share similar attributes are generally more suitable long term relationship partners.  ‘Opposites Attract’ can lead to initial sparks, but problems down the road. Having said that, what’s most important is finding someone who compliments you. If you’re the life of the party, perhaps your partner is more grounded. If you’re extremely ambitious, perhaps your partner is more stable and supportive.
  4. At your best:  when you’re with someone who makes you feel good about yourself, your chances of relationship success are enhanced. This allows you to relax, be yourself & comfortable in your own skin. Couples who are constantly searching for things to talk about, or never feel truly ‘comfortable’ in each other’s presence, can struggle to find the deeper kind of connection required for long term chemistry and relationship success.

The Real Reason You’re Not Getting 2nd Dates Has Nothing To Do With You

If you’re looking for a relationship, online dating apps can be frustrating. Endless first dates that seem to lead nowhere.

But maybe its not your fault. Maybe its even a good thing?

The path the dating success is never a straight line. Even if it was, you’d never learn anything about yourself along the way.

Stop blaming yourself. You just need a new dating approach. Its simple, and here it is:

  1. Mix it up:  doing the same things over & over again and expecting a different result is a recipe for dating frustration. Stop swiping & put your phone down; get yourself out there and try something new: attend a fun event with a friend, or a summer music festival, or a hit a local hotspot in a new part of town. You’ve nothing to lose but your single life.
  2. Be the hunter, and  you’ll soon be hunted:  waiting around for Mr or Ms Right to come up and say hi is not likely to work. When you’re out socially – or even on a coffee break outside – smile, be friendly and strike up conversations with people around you (singles, couples, young & old alike). Its called conversational momentum and it’ll make you and those around you feel a whole lot better.
  3. Be the person you want to meet:  if you’re looking for someone active, get in shape. If you’re looking for someone outdoorsy, join a hiking club. If you’re looking for someone kind & friendly, be kind & friendly to others. Its not rocket science – heck, its not even science – its common sense, and it works.
  4. Be the most positive person in the room:  when you are on a date, avoid negative topics at all costs. Be fun, be happy, tell some funny or interesting stories – focus on making your date have the time of their lives. It may not lead you to a relationship right away, buts its a great start.
  5. Hire a professional:  you wouldn’t buy a house on your own would you? So who says dating has to be a ‘Do-it-yourself’ project. Professional matchmaking services (like Executive Search Dating) are booming these days for a reason – they work! Contact us today to learn more.

6 Things You’re Doing That Will Kill Your Relationship

Do you want to find the person of your dreams? Then be the person of their dreams.

Often, the biggest obstacle to relationship bliss is NOT your partner, its you. Maybe its time you take a step back, and get out of the way of your own happiness.

But how you ask? Start by stopping these 6 relationship-killing behaviours:

1. Stop sulking:  repeat after me: Sulking is not communication. Sulking is not communication. Sulking is not communication. Sure, your partner may eventually figure out that you’re pissed off when you cross your arms and pout, but you come across looking like a petulant child. Playing the wounded victim is neither cute or sexy. If you’re upset about something, take a breath and communicate. Here are the steps: Put on your adult pants. Open your mouth. Say something honest in a reasonable tone. Now, listen.

2. Stop trying to change your person:  I know you hate it when they lose their car keys again. While her absent-minded professor act was one of the reasons you initially found her so adorable, it stops being cute when you’re both late for a movie because you’re rifling through the couch cushions. But stop driving yourself crazy thinking that it’s going to change!

Most of the time, what we love about our partner also becomes that thing that also drives us absolutely mental. Take a breath and step back. Rather than wishing things were different, remember that your person wouldn’t be your person without their odd little quirks. And if you start feeling righteous, take a step back and think about all of the stuff that they’re putting up with right now, too.

3. Stop spending so much time together:  I know, I know, falling in love is so romantic! And when you do fall hard, you often want to merge with your new person. But pull back and take a breath. Coming up for air occasionally reminds you that you already have a life and -god forbid – if the relationship ends, you will have a life again. A little distance makes the heart grow fonder and allows you to appreciate your person a bit more. And wouldn’t you know, they’ll likely appreciate you just a bit more too.

4. Don’t sweat the small stuff:  Mom was right: don’t sweat the small stuff. When you freak out every time your partner leaves a dish in the sink, you’re basically sending them a message that being a control freak is more important than their feelings. Everyone in the relationship is trying their best: creating some wiggle room for human difference is part of relationship compromise.

Create boundaries when it’s important (“How about not leaving dishes in the sink for more than four days”), but give your person the benefit of the doubt when you can. A little latitude goes a long way. And when you can let the small stuff go, you’ll have the bandwidth for a meaningful discussion when something that actually is important comes up.

5. Don’t ignore bids for affection:  people communicate their love in different ways. Some buy gifts, others say nice stuff, some like physical affection, other people like doing activities together. It’s important to have these gestures acknowledged. However, it may not always be obvious when your person is reaching out for your attention. For example, they may say, “Wow, look at that bird over there,” and secretly mean, “I really want to share a moment with you so I’m finding something to connect with you about.” Even if you think it’s a dumb bird, respond to their intention rather than the content. Remember to appreciate all the small moments of connection that you have.

6. Love the one you’re with:  your presence and attention is the most powerful gift that you can give someone. If you’re hanging out with your honey and are constantly checking your texts and insta-feeds, you’re waving a huge red flag that says, “You’re not important to me.” Put your phone down (hey, turn it off) and have some real time with another human.

While being alert for these relationship buzz kills doesn’t guarantee that you’ll live happily ever after, it will certainly give you a better shot. By being on the lookout for bad behaviour, you will proactively derail those insidious bad habits that can so frequently undercut a good relationship. And in the process, you’ll get to know yourself better too.

11 Things People In Successful Relationships Do Every Day

So, you’ve met someone special and you’re ready to start a relationship together. Now comes the hard part.

Yes, ‘positive dating’ is an essential part of finding your special someone. But if your relationship skills aren’t up to par, it might all be for naught.

Here’s 11 things people in successful relationships do every day to make their relationships grow stronger over time.  Hint: you should do this too!

1. They ask for help:  when you ask for help several things happen. You implicitly show you respect the person giving the advice. You show you respect that person’s experience, skill, and insight. And you show you trust that other person, since by asking for help you’ve made yourself vulnerable. While it’s relatively easy to ask for help with something practical, it’s harder to ask when the help you need is personal.

People who want a successful marriage are willing to ask for help, both because they need help and because they realize their partner will in turn receive a lot in return in terms of self-respect, self-esteem, and self-worth.

They get to know they made a difference in your life, which we all love to feel.

2. They’re patient:  showing patience is an extraordinary way to let people know we truly care about them. Showing patience–which is another way to show genuine confidence in the other person–is an extraordinary way to let your spouse know you truly believe in him or her.

Showing patience is an incredible gift–because, ultimately, it shows how much you care.

3. They set a great example:  researchers at Washington University in St. Louis found that people with relatively prudent and reliable partners tend to perform better at work, earning more promotions, making more money, and feeling more satisfied with their jobs.

That’s true for men and women: “Partner conscientiousness” predicted future job satisfaction, income, and likelihood of promotion, even after factoring in the participants’ level of conscientiousness.

4. They compliment, they recognize, and they praise:  we all do some things well. We all have at least a few strengths, a few good qualities, a few positive traits…and that’s why we all deserve praise and appreciation.

Think of it this way: It’s easy to recognize great employees; after all, they do great things. But it’s very possible that consistent praise is one of the reasons they’ve become great.

People who work to build a successful marriage sometimes see the good in their partners before they see it in themselves–and that can provide the spark that just might help their partners reach their true potential.

5. They allow space and privacy:  everyone shares. Everyone “Likes” and “tweets”. Lives have increasingly become open books. Over time, we’ve started to feel we have the right to know more about others than we ever did before.

That includes our spouses.

But sometimes we don’t need to know. Sometimes the best gift we can give is the gift of privacy, of not asking, not prying–yet always being available if and when the other person does want or need to share.

It’s not necessary to know in order to care.

6. They actively search for opportunities the other has missed:  we all want to improve, to grow, to succeed…but sometimes we’re too deep in the trees to notice the forest.

People working to build a successful marriage take the time to look for the opportunities their partner might have missed. They’re able to not only know your dreams but to help you work towards those dreams–and to help open doors that might otherwise have remained closed.

They want you to succeed, because…

7. They find happiness in their partner’s success:  great business teams win because their most talented members are willing to sacrifice to make others happy. Great teams are made up of employees who help each other, know their roles, set aside personal goals, and value team success over everything else.

And that’s exactly how great marriages work.

Every great entrepreneur answers the question, “Can you make the choice that your happiness will come from the success of others?” with a resounding “Yes!”

So do people who want their spouse–and their marriage–to be successful.

8. They’re sincere and genuine:  lip service is easy to pay. Sometimes it’s harder to show sincere excitement when things go well. Sometimes it’s harder to show sincere appreciation for a thoughtful gesture, a kind word, or extra effort. Sometimes it’s harder to show sincere disappointment–with others, sure, but also with yourself.

People who want a successful marriage openly celebrate. They openly empathize. They openly worry. In short, they’re openly human.

Your spouse married a person. Be a person. Be the person you are.

9. They know that sometimes tough love is the best love:  I’m not perfect. You’re not perfect. We all want to be better than we are. Yet we all fall into habits, fall into patterns, develop blind spots…and that’s why we all need constructive feedback. That’s why we all need advice, guidance, and sometimes a swift kick in the pants.

It’s easy to make a snarky comment. It’s easy to frown or smirk or look disappointed. It’s a lot tougher to say, especially to someone you care about, “I know you’re capable of a lot more.”

Think about a time when someone told you what you least wanted to hear…and yet most needed to hear. You’ve never forgotten what that person said. It changed your life.

Now go change your spouse’s life.

10. They weigh the personal against the practical:  sometimes seeking professional success can impact the success of your marriage.

Here’s an example: According to at least one study, if one spouse commutes longer than 45 minutes, that couple is 40 percent more likely to get divorced.

(There are some caveats. If you’ve already spent five years or more commuting more than 45 minutes, then you’re only 1 percent more likely to get divorced than couples with short commutes. In all likelihood, that’s because you’ve worked through the practical and emotional issues involved. Plus, if one of you had a long commute before you started your relationship, then you’re also a lot less likely to get divorced than husbands or wives who start a long commute later in their relationship.)

Just in practical terms, a long commute might not be worth it. According to another study, economists determined a 40 percent increase in pay is necessary to make an additional hour of commuting time pay off in terms of personal satisfaction and fulfillment. A few dollars an hour more won’t make you happy if you have to drive an extra hour every day to earn it.

Factor that in with the potential cost to your relationship, and personal considerations could definitely outweigh practical advantages.

People working to build a successful marriage always look at the big picture. Professional success is just one factor in the happiness equation. Make sure you look at every factor–especially the health of your marriage.

11. They build a shared sense of purpose:  fulfillment is often found in becoming a part of something bigger. We all love to feel that special sense of teamwork and togetherness that turns a task into a quest, a group of individuals into a real team.

We all look for that at work…but where we really need to feel it is at home.

Together, create your own mission. Create your own vision. Decide where you want to go, together, and make a plan to get there together.

Few things will make you feel more like a couple than being able to say, “We did that.”

Go do that.

The 5 Best Ways To Impress Your Date

If you’re on a date, first impressions matter. But second impressions matter even more.

In your perfect dating world, everyone will see you for who you really are – and that’s true (eventually).

But to make it that far, you need to make a positive impression on your date. How? Here’s 5 proven ways:

  1. Too late:  in dating, its often the simplest things that matter. Arriving late to your date may not seem like a big deal to you; buts its probably a big deal to your date. It sends the message that your time is more important than theirs. Stop with the excuses! Show up on time to every date – or better yet, 5 minutes early.
  2. Be excited (or fake it):  you may find it hard to muster any excitement on a first or second date – particularly if you’ve had a long, hard day;  or your dating life is frustrating, or… (fill in your excuse here).  But here’s the thing – if your date senses you’re not excited to see them, why on earth should they be excited to see you – let alone consider starting a relationship with you!? Be energetic & excited on your date. If you don’t feel that way, fake it.
  3. Positively positive:  griping about your day, your job, your dating life, how you’re really feeling, etc, is a perfectly natural thing to do when you’re with your friends, family or co-workers. But on a first or second date, its a true chemistry-killer. Keep things positive on your date; there’ll be plenty of time in the future to open up about your issues, but a first or second date is not that time.
  4. I hear you:  there is no greater skill you can display on a date than this – be a good listener. Active listening sends your date the message that you care, that you’re interested in them & that you’re fun to be around. In other words – that you’re great relationship material. Did you hear that?
  5. Chivalry is (not) dead:  (Men, this applies mostly to you) did you hear that one about chivalry being dead? Its dead alright – dead wrong. Men and women are equals (of course!), but that doesn’t mean you can’t display some common courtesies on your date – holding the door, offering your jacket or sweater if your date is cold, walking your date to their car or taxi at the end of your date, etc. If you’re treating your date exactly as you treat your friends, expect your date to consider you as ‘friend material’, and not ‘relationship potential’.