First dates may be more exciting, but second dates are more important. Here’s why: people are rarely the truest version of themselves on a first date; so you often you get a better sense of true chemistry on a second (or third) date with someone.

So how and when do you decide whether you want to see someone a second time and, if so, what’s the best way to get to a second date? Here’s how:

  1. Avoid snap decisions: in spite of what you’ve heard, you’ll likely not know if someones right for you in the first 30 seconds, or even on a first date. Taking the time to really get to know someone beyond a first date is an important part of successful ‘positive dating’.
  2. Physical chemistry vs. true chemistry: just because you find someone attractive or unattractive on a first meeting, doesn’t mean you’ll feel the same way once you get to know them better. Yes, you do want to have at least a little chemistry with someone on a first date, but true chemistry builds and grows over time as you get to know someone better.
  3. Make a second date your default position: unless you are ABSOLUTELY sure that you have zero connection with someone on a first date, always plan to see someone a second time. Keep it casual, a coffee date or a walk along the seawall. Most people are more relaxed on a second date so you’ll get a much better sense of who they are and whether you feel real ‘chemistry’. Plus, just because there’s no chemistry or ‘relationship potential’ doesn’t mean the person can’t become a friend, or introduce you to their friend who’s perfect for you!
  4. Good things come to those who ask: if you are interested in seeing the person a second time, don’t feel like you have to wait a few days to ask… the best time to ask for a second date, in fact, is when you are on your first date. And yes, its okay for either the man or the woman to ask… waiting for the other person to call you after your date is one of the most unpleasant parts of dating. Being proactive beats waiting by your phone any day.